There is often a significant difference between the short-term and the long-term.
We see our oppressors (as the Bible calls them) winning the battle. Their violence goes unpunished. Their manipulation continues to create more supporters and greater isolation.
They arrogantly assume they have the upper hand. And in the short-term, they do.
Church leadership says, “It’s her story against his.”
Business leadership says, “He just doesn’t buy into our vision.”
The organization’s board says, “He is tough, but he gets the job done.”
None of them realize the damage that is being done. And the abuser continues to win the day.
So said Asaph in Psalm 73. The song writer gives a 3000 year old account of the sufferings of those under abuse in the home, workplace, and organization. He is frustrated by the evil he sees and the seeming hopelessness he finds to be his daily existence.
For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. For they have no pangs until death; their bodies are fat and sleek. They are not in trouble as others are; they are not stricken like the rest of mankind. Therefore pride is their necklace; violence covers them as a garment. Their eyes swell out through fatness; their hearts overflow with follies. They scoff and speak with malice; loftily they threaten oppression. They set their mouths against the heavens, and their tongue struts through the earth. Therefore his people turn back to them, and find no fault in them.
Psalm 73:3-10
But Asaph, like so many survivors of abuse, came to a place when clarity swept him up into the heavenlies.
Asaph sings,
But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end. Truly you set them in slippery places; you make them fall to ruin. How they are destroyed in a moment, swept away utterly by terrors! Like a dream when one awakes, O Lord, when you rouse yourself, you despise them as phantoms.
Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.
Psalm 73:17-20, 23-26, 28
Asaph entered the sanctuary. We may have that moment in a worship service, or mountain hike, or moment of quiet meditation.
It is in that moment that the long-term saves us from the short-term.
No matter what others say. No matter the attitude of a pastor, elder, or CEO. No matter the short-sighted thinking of a board president. No matter a friend’s ignorance.
The LORD is with the oppressed. He is not with the abuser. They are destroyed in a moment.
The LORD is my strength. No opinion of man. No pride of position.
The LORD is my Refuge.
Do you need some help and encouragement? Go to our Resources page.
In this writing, I want to bring leaders down to earth . . . with a view to heaven.
I hope these ideas are both biblical and helpful in challenging common misconceptions about our Christian leaders. Leaders are important . . . and so they need to get it right. When speaking with Jada, I was again confronted with the teaching in some churches that leaders are to be obeyed absolutely.
I am going to use Numbers for some analysis of this view. But, I first must begin with a spoiler alert. The Old Testament priests are not in all ways equivalent to the New Testament leader or pastor in the church. I would suggest that there are some general principles that we gleen from OT Scripture for leadership, but we cannot make one-to-one comparisons.
Therefore, I will work from a principled way as we look at the Old Testament priesthood and apply it to current church leadership.
God’s Leaders: The High Calling
Leadership in the church is a high calling. It is likely that every society that gives credence to “religion” gives special honor to leaders of those religions. The spiritual guidance these leaders provide, bad or good, creates a we-them perspective. Religious leaders are normally set apart. They are often looked upon as having special knowledge or skills of the spiritual realm.
Some cultures especially give attention to spiritual leaders. We experienced significant honor in Africa and even in the United States there is a general sense of respect and honor for church pastors.
We see this in the Bible in Numbers 8 where the LORD gave Moses guidance for the establishment of the Levitical priesthood.
“Take the Levites from among the people of Israel and cleanse them. Thus you shall do to them to cleanse them: sprinkle the water of purification upon them, and let them go with a razor over all their body, and wash their clothes and cleanse themselves.” [Numbers 8:6-7]
The priests were set apart for the work they did, even in their physical appearance. There was clearly a uniqueness to their vocation (calling).
And in the New Testament,
“Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’”
1 Peter 5:5 (ESV)
“Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching.”
1 Timothy 5:17 (ESV)
The elder in the church is placed in a position of authority that others submit to them and they are to be “honored,” especially the ones who do it well.
In addition, the qualifications found in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 point to their calling to be guides and examples to God’s people.
Our Leaders: Not So Much
This is where we begin to see the balance with which we must grapple in our view of leaders.
Their authority is not absolute because they are not absolute.
The LORD is the only One Who is absolute and this becomes apparent when we look at the above Numbers passage and consider those same qualifications for elders found in Timothy and Titus.
“When you bring the Levites before the LORD, the people of Israel shall lay their hands on the Levites, and Aaron shall offer the Levites before the LORD as a wave offering from the people of Israel, that they may do the service of the LORD. Then the Levites shall lay their hands on the heads of the bulls, and you shall offer the one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering to the LORD to make atonement for the Levites.”
Numbers 8:10-12
Note that these leaders—priests—are sinners just as the rest of the people of Israel are. Their sins must be atoned for and that sacrifice for sins is done in full view of the people.
Not only that, the people lay their hands on these priests. The people ordain the priests.
This is significant.
The priests represent the people—they come from among the people. They are not the end-all of leadership. The LORD is.
He calls leaders. He instructs them in righteous leading. He calls His people to follow them.
And He holds them accountable. They have, do, and will sin. It must be atoned for.
“When a leader sins, doing unintentionally any one of all the things that by the commandments of the LORD his God ought not to be done, and realizes his guilt, or the sin which he has committed is made known to him, he shall bring as his offering a goat, a male without blemish, and shall lay his hand on the head of the goat and kill it in the place where they kill the burnt offering before the LORD; it is a sin offering.”
Leviticus 4:22-24 (ESV)
The leader is to admit his wrong whether it was intentional or not. And, in the Old Testament law, he was to bring his sacrifice . . . a public presentation of their need for God’s forgiveness.
Leaders are Accountable
But, when those sins deeply affect his leadership, God brings an end to his leadership through His and His people’s systems of justice. God does not look kindly on wicked leaders who feed on the sheep rather than care for them.
So He calls them out:
“Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: As I live, declares the Lord GOD, surely because my sheep have become a prey, and my sheep have become food for all the wild beasts, since there was no shepherd, and because my shepherds have not searched for my sheep, but the shepherds have fed themselves, and have not fed my sheep, therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: Thus says the Lord GOD, Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will require my sheep at their hand and put a stop to their feeding the sheep.”
Ezekiel 34:7-10 (ESV)
Sometimes he strikes them by His own hand and sometimes He uses man’s justice. Either way, it becomes clear that leaders in the church (or anywhere for that matter) are not absolute in their authority or honor.
Some Application
What do these principles mean?
In the big picture, they mean that leaders are given by God, but they are accountable for their leadership. They are to be respected, but they are to be held to high standards of behavior.
To get more specific, we serve our leaders as they call us to follow them towards the heavenly. As they teach us well, we learn well. As they give vision and example for ministry to others, we fulfill the vision and ministry. They are, after all, called to train us for works of ministry (Ephesians 4:12).
On the other hand, leaders who teach or behave contrary to Scripture can be called out by subordinates. Leaders who are unwilling to humble themselves, recognizing their own need of forgiveness from the Lord and others, need to cease being leaders.
Those who are responsible for appointing those leaders need to take their responsibility seriously and provide accountability. And they should never suggest to followers that they keep silent about errors on the leader’s part. As followers we should never feel and be taught as Jada was that we cannot challenge an “elder” in the church.
We must always remember that pastors and organizational CEOs are God’s leaders . . . and they are OUR leaders.
NOTES:
I encourage you to read Dr. Diane Langberg’s wonderful book, “Redeeming Power.”
In addition, this podcast sheds some light on power dynamics in the church: “Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse.”
The Bible is repleat with examples and the modern business and Christian organization world is full of them. It is a huge temptation for any organization that feels more dependent on donor funds than God.
Only in the Christian organization it is spun as “being an example for Christ.”
In other words, truth does not really matter. What really matters is if appearances are kept up for the public. Then Christ is glorified.
And it just so happens, the money flows better that way. Contributions roll in unabated.
But, Jesus never told his people to fake it until you make it. In fact, He most commonly called those who do hypocrites and that was not a positive assessment of their spiritual state (Matthew 6).
Saul and Image
King Saul reigned in Israel approximately 1021–1000 BC. He was their first king, which is a story in itself (not to be discussed here).
At one point he was told by the prophet Samuel to attack Amalek. He did as commanded by the Lord. But, though being told to destroy everyone and everything, Saul spared the king and held onto the best of the sheep and oxen.
Samuel came to Saul having been told by the Lord, “I regret that I have made Saul king, for he has turned back from following me and has not performed my commandments.” (1 Sam. 15:10)
As Samuel confronted him, Saul immediately began shifting the blame to the people. Samuel told him the Lord was stripping him of his kingship. Saul responded,
“I have sinned; yet honor me now before the elders of my people and before Israel, and return with me, that I may bow before the LORD your God.” (1 Samuel 15:30 (ESV))
“I have sinned.” Sounds like he got it right. But listen to those words following.
“Honor me now before the elders of my people and before Israel. . .” His image is of greatest importance here. His confession is only a ploy to please the prophet. His desire for honor far outweighs his relationship with the Lord.
Samuel seems to think so as well.
He tells Saul that he will not return with him and walks away. However, Saul won’t stand for it and grabs the prophet’s robe, tearing it. Samuel in turn uses Saul’s disrespectful action as a metaphor and tells Saul that God is tearing his kingdom away from him just as he tore Samuel’s robe.
And then Samuel returns with Saul and finishes the job Saul was supposed to do.
Outward Appearances
Saul is a good (evil) example of the image-driven pastor, organizational leader, or business CEO. The Lord does not look on outward appearances (2 Cor. 5:12) and you will never get away with being driven by an image rather than the real deal (1 Sam. 16:7). God sees through that. God knows your character through and through.
You cannot put on airs with Jesus like you do for your adoring public.
Jesus will bring it to light at some point.
If you have the opportunity to join an organization that seems to have it all together and never airs its dirty laundry . . . run.
It is unhealthy and hypocritical.
If you have the opportunity to join an organization that seems to have it all together and tells you all the ways that it does ministry better than anyone else . . . run.
It is unhealthy and they are lying.
We Will Crush You
When an organization is driven by image, you can be assured it will do anything to keep that image alive.
That means the leaders will lie about wrongdoing. They will crush dissent. They will refuse criticism . . . even constructive criticism. They will put on a facade for the donors.
On a side note, this is of what NDAs are made. NDAs are often intended to keep that image alive through silencing its victims while offering cold cash for the buyout.
I worked for a mission agency like this. I watched it in action. And I drank the Koolaid for several years. I am not above being sucked in.
My wife had to confront me (in her gracious way) following a missions conference when I came away all blustery about how our mission was so much better than all those other missions.
It was less than a year later that all that image crumbled before me and we left the mission beaten and bruised by the toxic leadership.
It is insidious. Don’t take part in it . . . it will kill you.
For helpful information on “impression management” by Wade Mullen:
The pastor sent an “apology” to Jack. The letter was less than a page long and included a very general confession of sin.
At first Jack was encouraged by the words from his former boss. But, as he considered what repentance should look like from abusive authority, he began to question the wisdom of reconciling with the pastor on the basis of the pastor’s apparent repentance.
This is the experience of victim after victim of leadership abuse. Apologies that give hope, but in time prove to be false acts of contrition.
What is Repentance?
Biblical repentance is difficult to understand. The word is used freely as though everyone gets it. But identifying the actual repentant heart is not so easy.
Because repentance affects how we respond to the apology of a fellow believer, its identification is important. Repentance means reconciliation may take place. Repentance means a position relinquished because of sin may be regained.
We need to be able to distinguish repentance from other forms of people-pleasing responses.
True repentance is a matter of the heart. The actions of the repentant flow from his entire being turning from sin. And, this is the difficulty: We can’t know another man’s heart.
ID Repentance
However, in the Old Testament there are some helpful guidelines to recognizing and receiving repentance. There are a couple words that are at times translated as “repent” or “humble” oneself.
The word, “nâḥam” (נָחַם) means to breathe strongly; to be sorry, to pity, console or rue; or repent. Another word, šûḇ (שׁוּב) means “to turn back (hence, away).”
In either case, the idea is that the sinner has given up the sin. And it is not just in action, but the heart. Note, the terminology “breathe strongly,” There is the sense that the rejection of sin goes way down deep into the inner man. Breathe. What I have read about this Hebrew term gives the impression of deep sadness – inner change – over what the sinner has done.
Where we run into difficulty here is in defining and identifying repentance when there is a return to the old sin. Is it repentance if we do the same sin again . . . later?
I know of two “repentant” abusers who have made significant progress in overcoming their entitlement and control over their wives. However, they do continue to go back to the old ways at times. The difference is that they identify it in themselves quickly and seek to confess and turn from it. Their wives no longer consider them abusive. They no longer live as if walking on eggshells.
So, we have to understand repentance in cases of abuse in like manner to our own various sins. It is why there is the old adage, “We must repent of our repentance.” We will at times go back to the trough of gruel. Our inner man never fully gives up on its idolatry until Jesus comes again.
But our recognition of the sin and deep sorrow over it has made significant progress.
Again, we do not know if someone else is truly, deeply sorrowful over their sin. Their words may just be further manipulation, of which many abusers are adept.
Confession and Resitution
Under the section heading of “Confession and Restitution” in the English Standard Version, Moses is given guidelines for determining repentance:
And the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, “Speak to the people of Israel, When a man or woman commits any of the sins that people commit by breaking faith with the LORD, and that person realizes his guilt, he shall confess his sin that he has committed. And he shall make full restitution for his wrong, adding a fifth to it and giving it to him to whom he did the wrong.”
Numbers 5:5-7 (ESV)
This passage does not mention the word “repentance,” but I understand it to express the evidence of a repentant heart.
First of all, the sinner confesses his sin.
He understands that he has done wrong. He identifies that he has broken faith with the Lord. The Hebrew says he has acted treacherously. What he has done is really evil. And he confesses it. He doesn’t cover it over in any way.
I would suggest this means he doesn’t make excuses. He doesn’t blame it on someone else, even a little. He truly owns up to the specific sin. In cases of abuse, he doesn’t suggest others made him do it or it was a small thing.
Then, he makes “full restitution for his wrong.”
Restitution is an important part of the Old Testament law. Just saying you are sorry doesn’t cut it when it comes to repentance. If there is to be reconciliation, restitution is imperative.
The difficulty with restitution is the application of it when it comes to relational sins like abuse. And, as we are not a theocracy, we do not normally apply the Old Testament civil law directly to our setting.
However, much of the law can be applied within the church in a principled way (keeping in mind we must not create a list of Pharisaical laws based on “principles” we find in the Law).
It is certainly appropriate that we expect a leader in the home or workplace to not only apologize for their specific sins of abuse, but seek some form of restitution. I would suggest this gives evidence of real repentance.
What Does Restitution Look Like?
What might that look like? Though I have written of the “look” of repentance in other places, I would like to explore restitution here.
Note, that restitution was normally full payment for what was “stolen” or “destroyed” plus an additional punitive amount. Sometimes that additional amount was 1/5th the cost of replacement (like in Numbers 5:7). The amount of restitution was in part based on whether the loss was intentional, accidental, or criminal.
In essence, the greater the evil in the heart, the greater the restitution.
Accidents are not evil, so that additional amount is less. Stealing was particularly evil, and so in Exodus 22:1 the thief is to pay five times the number of oxen he has stolen. A stiff penalty.
What if we try to apply the principles of restitution to cases of abusive leadership? What would be required of the repentant leader?
Payment for necessary counseling for the victim.
Providing a safe place for the victim (new position in organization not under abusive authority).
Allowing the victim, without interuption or critique, to share in a public setting the evils perpetrated by the abuser.
Give up any authority formerly held by abuser.
Payment for lost wages (plus additional punitive amount) due to trauma in the workplace caused by the leader.
These are not biblical commands. They are only ideas. If you have other ideas, I would love for you to share them in the comment section.
“I Was Horribly Wrong”
Restitution is a means of giving feet to a confession. It can be evidence of a truly repentant heart. It can say to the victim of your sin, “I was horribly wrong and I must do all I can to make up for it.”
Though forgivess (another topic) may be given even when repentance is not in evidence, reconciliation is unlikely to happen without it, and should not be expected until true repentance is apparent to the victim.
This may mean restitution may be the evidence needed.
NOTES:
Saul and David make a fascinating study in repentance. Both did horrible things, but only David seeks to do all he can to make things right after doing some evil things. Consider Saul’s fear of David and abuser tactics and false repentance when David is running from his evil: 1 Samuel 19-27.
There is a strange dichotomy when it comes to respect and accountability.
There are those who see leaders as just one of the boys. They wish to get rid of as much hierarchicalism as possible. Leaders are just normal people given greater responsibility. They fail like the rest of us. Give them a break.
On the other hand, there are those who look to 1 Samuel 24:6 (or other passages) that say, “The LORD forbid that I should do this thing to my lord, the LORD’S anointed, to put out my hand against him, seeing he is the LORD’S anointed.” They give great regard to leaders, considering them the “Lord’s anointed” and are careful to show due respect. Probably better just turn a blind eye to their failings.
Both recognize the need for church leaders and a need to follow and submit to them. There is no real disagreement there.
And Then There Were Bad Ones
The difficulty comes when you have a bad—really bad—leader. How does our theology meet this challenge? Do we give the benefit of the doubt? Do we turn a blind eye? Or, do we bring the hammer down?
Scripture is replete with the call to respect, honor, and submit to leaders (Eph. 6:5, Col. 3:22, Rom. 13, 1 Tim. 5:17). No organization, religious or political, would survive without followers who submit.
However, some may be surprised that the respect, honor, and submission to leaders in the home, workplace, nation, or church are not absolute according to Scripture.
Bad leaders are held to account by the Lord and His people are called to hold them accountable for their failures where they have that ability.
Now Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, each took his censer and put fire in it and laid incense on it and offered unauthorized fire before the LORD, which he had not commanded them. 2 And fire came out from before the LORD and consumed them, and they died before the LORD. 3 Then Moses said to Aaron, “This is what the LORD has said: ‘Among those who are near me I will be sanctified, and before all the people I will be glorified.’” And Aaron held his peace.
Leviticus 10:1-3 (ESV)
Nadab and Abihu had been instructed clearly what kind of incense—the exact mixture of spices—was to be used in the worship of the Lord in the Old Testament tent of meeting (later Temple). For some reason they had taken this lightly and done their own thing.
The Lord struck them down.
We can surmise that the Lord was making a very clear example of them just as He did with Ananias and Saphira in New Testament times (Acts 5).
Another example of the Lord holding his leaders accountable is Eli’s family in the Old Testament.
Hophni and Phinehas, sons of Eli, were priests who led in the worship of the Lord when Israel was moving towards a monarchy. They were failing to follow the requirements of priests and they were sexually assaulting the women under their leadership who served the worship of God’s people (1 Sam. 2:22-25).
Like Nadab and Abihu, the Lord took them out (1 Sam. 4).
In each of these cases, the punishment was death and it came directly from the Lord. The LORD held them accountable for their leadership sins.
And His People Hold Leaders Accountable
It is important to note that the Lord also reprimanded Eli for his failure to hold Hophni and Phinehas accountable for their sin.
Why then do you scorn my sacrifices and my offerings that I commanded for my dwelling, and honor your sons above me . . .
1 Samuel 2:29 (ESV)
It is not just the Lord to Whom we look to bring accountability, but we, as His people, are also responsible for keeping church leaders accountable. Do note that Eli was both their father and the primary priest who was in authority over Hophni and Phinehas. It is not implied or stated that these men’s wives were expected in the narrative to hold their husbands accountable. It would not have been safe for them.
Paul effectively navigates the honor and accountability of leaders issue when he writes to Timothy, a young pastor he has mentored:
For the Scripture says, “You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain,” and, “The laborer deserves his wages.” 19 Do not admit a charge against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses. 20 As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear. 21 In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of the elect angels I charge you to keep these rules without prejudging, doing nothing from partiality.
1 Timothy 5:18-21 (ESV)
After encouraging congregations to provide for elders (pastors), showing respect for their position, it says leaders can not only be challenged by congregant members for their sin but be publicly rebuked.
Leaders are not free from criticism or accountability by virtue of their high position. Church leaders should hear complaints and investigate in a timely way.
There is to be no “partiality” given to leaders. It was the cultural norm that leaders were given more leeway in their failures. They were very powerful and influential. Even in our time, social media may get blown up, but most leaders are given the benefit of the doubt. Only when things completely fall apart does accountability come.
However, we are to hold leaders accountable. Do not show partiality to them.
Matthew 18 vs. 1 Timothy 5
In addition, Matthew 18 takes us through the normal process of confronting a brother who has sinned against us. In Timothy, Paul raises those stakes when it comes to church leaders.
In this passage, the report (confrontation) is coming from two (or three) witnesses, apparently to the leaders in the church (Timothy). This is not the one-on-one confrontation Jesus teaches in Matthew’s Gospel where the individual is to confront a brother directly and do so by himself.
In Timothy, the witnesses (multiple) go directly to others (possibly other leaders), with no mention of the sinning leader being in the room, and the leader who is sinning is publicly rebuked.
It is at times unsafe to congregant members (or employees of the church) to go to a leader to confront just as it is in a work situation where the boss has the power to fire or make your life miserable. This is often a problem in confrontation ethics. Most naysayers will immediately quote Matthew 18 and complain about someone who is uncomfortable confronting a leader one-on-one. They will say, you must go to the sinning leader one-on-one to be biblical. That is the experience of hoards of people who have sought accountability for their leaders.
But, Paul’s words appear to provide a confrontation ethic for these situations specifically with leaders. In Timothy the Word is speaking about church hierarchy, unlike Jesus’s words in Matthew’s Gospel. And he does not suggest one-on-one confrontation, but rather two or three speaking on the side with other leaders. Again, there is no mention of the sinful leader being present.
The “whistleblowers” are given protection.
And there is more.
The abusive leader is held accountable.
Higher Standards
Yes, we honor and submit to leaders. But, Scripture also makes it evident that those same leaders are called to a higher standard of accountability.
As leaders they are responsible to be an example . . . and so their failure is also to be an example. These are Paul’s words in 1 Timothy 5:21. The public rebuke is “so that the rest may stand in fear.” Leaders are not given greater benefit of the doubt. A public statement is not kept under wraps indefinitely in order to show honor and respect.
It says in the ESV, those “who persist in sin” should be publicly rebuked. Note that the word “persist” is not in the Greek text. It is an interpretation by the translators that, after being challenged by the leaders following a report of misdeeds, the one who continues to sin is to be rebuked publicly. This interpretation seems to be saying that only the unrepentant leader is to be publicly rebuked.
But that may not be what Paul is saying. Paul may be saying that because there are multiple witnesses to the leader’s sin, the leader has a pattern of wrongdoing that is doing damage to God’s people (or others) and needs to be stopped now! It is evident that he is unrepentant.
In fact, it may help to look at other translations of that verse:
Them that sin reprove in the sight of all, that the rest also may be in fear. (ASV) Publicly rebuke those who sin, so that the rest will also be afraid. (HCSB) Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear. (KJV) But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning. (NIV)
1 Timothy 5:21
There is no mention in other translations that there is a “persistence” of sin. Other translators did not read in unrepentance but have given us a more literal translation of Paul’s words of exhortation.
Is it possible that Paul is saying that the fact there are two or more witnesses means there is a pattern of sinful failure (or the sin affected multiple people) on the leader’s part and there needs to be a public response?
His failures are not isolated, but rather widespread or major enough and need to be stopped?
It is possible that he has been confronted . . . over and over. This has been my experience in interviews with those who have struggled with a toxic leader.
For the Good of the Church
Maybe the number of gross leadership failures in recent years will be prevented in the future by immediate and decisive action. Maybe Paul’s exhortation would provide an example for leaders who believe they are “above the law.”
Decisive action on the church’s part will bring an end to horrific leadership.
For the good of victims. For the good of future victims. For the good of all those under the leader’s authority. For the good of the church or organization.
And for the good of Jesus Christ.
Hold leaders accountable. Do not put up with their strange fire.
"In this world we go through trouble. Our God will never crush us - we may be pressed down, but not crushed."
Despite all he had gone through under a toxic leader, Kani preached the Gospel to me. The leader of the international organization for which he worked fired him after he confronted corrupt ministry practices.
As a ministry in Africa to refugee children, there was much good being done to raise up the devastated youth; providing training, equipment, and capital to create businesses. The laws of the land did not allow refugees to seek employment outside their refugee camp and the organization was doing some creative problem-solving to provide opportunities for employment that was legal.
Kani was a project coordinator, in part overseeing supplier bids for equipment needs. When the supplies, like computers and peripherals, were delivered he also went through the packages to make sure everything matched what was paid for.
That is where Kani ran into trouble.
Bribery
When a shipment arrived in 2019 Kani was surprised to see computer equipment that did not match the specifications of the bids they received. The computers were worth much less than what the ministry paid.
Kani said the organization could not accept the equipment.
For his attempt to be financially accountable and to provide quality help to the refugees he was confronted by the national Director. A meeting was called that included the supplier. When Kani would not back down, the Director shouted at him in anger. He told him he had made a mistake and to check again.
Kani checked again and it was very clear that the bid did not fit the equipment recieved.
Kani explained, “It was likely someone was involved with the supplier. Sometimes suppliers will give 10% to someone inside the organization bribe them purchase from from the company.” He said this was not unusual.
Kani was not willing to be part of that. He would not allow them to steal from the stakeholders.
All Things Happen for the Good
But leaving the organization was problematic. In a poverty-torn nation, there were few jobs and to leave could be financially devastating to his young family.
When it happened a second time in 2021, Kani was not given that choice. His employment contract was ended.
Kani was encouraged by fellow employees, beneficiaries of the ministry, and friends to fight the firing. He certainly had grounds for writing to the organization’s main office and complaining of the clearly toxic environment he was enduring.
But Kani said, “All things happen for the good and God is in control.” He explained that he knew that God would take care of him. He was not suffering for “doing wrong” as Peter wrote:
If anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name . . . Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.
1 Peter 4:16, 19 (ESV)
Kani said that some saw his suffering as punishment, but he knew God would “make a way.”
In those difficult times, not knowing how he would put food on the table and care for his wife and new baby, Kani found solace in the biblical books of Daniel and Esther. He saw all the “stories of people trying to do something bad and evil.” But God was working all things together for the good of those who love Him.
Scripture was pouring from his lips as he shared the help he found in God’s grace.
Kani was learning that he couldn’t “put faith and hope in a job.” He said, “I needed to stay grounded like a tree planted by water. It won’t whither. I will bear fruit in season.“
Toxic Leader
Following being “let go,” Kani received word from those left behind in the organization that the leader had been confronted for financial mismanagement and sexual impropriety with minor girls. He was fired.
Recently, Kani was contacted by a project coordinator for the ministry and was asked to meet with him. He ended up meeting with the coordinator and a consultant who began by apologizing for the horrific treatment he had received. Kani welcomed the vindication.
They then proceeded to ask how the organization could be fixed. I asked if it was an exit interview of sorts? Kani replied, “Yes, it was a bit like that . . . just way too late.”
Kani hopes they will investigate and take steps to root out the corruption.
A New Life
His wife, Nao stuck with him through it all and within a couple months he had landed a new job in another aid organization based in the United Kingdom.
However, this one was not a Christian organization. But, Kani noted wryly, “People are hiding behind christian organizations.” He said, “In the my new organization people love each other. It is very diverse and inclusive – it demonstrates love.” There is common grace at work.
As we talked, I was struck by Kani’s trust and dependence on the Lord. It was evident that he had been deeply hurt by the organization’s leader (and others) but that, despite the fears he had about losing a coveted job, Kani was unwilling to leave his integrity at the church doors. [see this article]
Taking that kind of risk – not going along with financial mismanagement to save your job – would be crazy. But only by the world’s standards.
But Kani does not live by the world’s standards. He was willing to put his head on the chopping block that Christ might be glorified in his life.
It is a great story. God’s Kingdom is expanding at an extraordinary rate. The church is loving God and neighbor and is growing like crazy.
But, Herod, the king, was doing what he could to please the Jews, rather than God. He had James killed and had Peter arrested and put in jail. Then the unusual happened.
Now when Herod was about to bring him out, on that very night, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with two chains, and sentries before the door were guarding the prison. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood next to him, and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him, saying, “Get up quickly.” And the chains fell off his hands. And the angel said to him, “Dress yourself and put on your sandals.” And he did so. And he said to him, “Wrap your cloak around you and follow me.” And he went out and followed him.
Acts 12:6-9 (ESV)
Wow.
Miraculously set free by Christ.
But then, we see how toxic leadership creates havoc for others besides their targets.
Now when day came, there was no little disturbance among the soldiers over what had become of Peter. And after Herod searched for him and did not find him, he examined the sentries and ordered that they should be put to death. Then [Peter] went down from Judea to Caesarea and spent time there.
Acts 12:18-19 (ESV)
Absolute Authority and Control
What strikes me about this story is not the miraculous intervention of the Lord on Peter’s and the church’s behalf—which is incredible—but the almost unnoticeable story of Herod’s employees—the guards of the jail.
When Peter was supernaturally saved from Herod’s prison, Herod held the guards accountable. Of course, this was normal practice for the day. The king would have to show that if the prison guards didn’t do their job there was the worst possible punishment coming—death. Surely, other guards would take notice and toe the line.
But, in this case it points to the wickedness of the leader rather than any sense of justice—even in Herod’s screwy world.
Herod needed to establish his absolute authority and control. The guards must die for their failure to keep Peter in prison, though Peter was unchained at no fault of their own.
Evil men impact the lives of others . . . even those who are not necessarily the intended targets of their evil.
The guards died for Herod’s sins.
In time, Herod gets his just due for his toxicity. [A few verses later Luke explains that Herod died a horrible death that is linked to God’s judgment]. But for now, it is those who were simply going about their job, doing what they could to provide for their families, whose lives are ended.
Toxic Spillage
If you work for a Christian organization (or other) that is ruled by a toxic leader, be aware. It will spill out and over you. It is one thing to work for a rotten leader who just doesn’t know how to lead well. We may even say his heart is in the right place. He just doesn’t make good decisions. And those failures impact those they rule.
But if you are working for a Ravi Zacharius, Jerry Falwell Jr., James McDonald, or Mark Driscoll the toxic spillage will drown you. What they do to John is likely in time to happen to you.
Just do a Google search on all the damage done to employees of these toxic leaders.
Chuck DeGroat notes, “They all bear trauma in their bodies and brains. Sleeplessness. Paranoia. Shame. Rage. Indecision. Depression. Anxiety. Suicidal thoughts.”1 This is the testimony of the traumatized over and over.
It isn’t pretty and suffering the “side-effects” of toxic leadership is not worth it.
For years, my family was treated with great kindness by the toxic leaders of our mission organization. We have often said, “We were the favored ones.” But, in time, we faced their wickedness just like others had.
John worked for a major international mission agency and thought he was good friends with the CEO. However, that didn’t stop the CEO from finally taking John’s office keys and requiring him to be out of his desk in short order for doing nothing other than giving some helpful recommendations.
I can guarantee it will happen to you as well unless you very intentionally become complicit in your leader’s evil.
You will be required to keep your head down. You will have to say “yes sir” to every demand no matter how unbiblical. You will be required to keep your mouth shut when unethical (and maybe illegal) practices come to your attention.
I can promise you, it is not God’s calling for you to grovel under such leaders.
And, do not believe for a moment you will escape their onslaught even if you do take the knee.
I have spoken with many victims of leadership abuse. It is common that they have also faced off with other leaders in the organization who supported the leader reported as toxic.
Relationship with, the power, or charm of the leader created followers and like-minded fools. They became complicit with the abuse though maybe having the best intentions.
But their complicity is from the pit of hell and must be understood and stopped.
Like Israel, we often desire a king and are willing to overlook all the warnings of toxic leadership not unlike God’s warnings to Israel at that time (1 Samuel 8:10-18).
King David, in his Psalm 55, describes the abuser. In these hard words he is describing a supposed “friend”:
His speech was smooth as butter, yet war was in his heart; his words were softer than oil, yet they were drawn swords.
Psalm 55:21 (ESV)
But, the Psalm is interesting because David continually goes between singular and plural pronouns for his oppressor(s). At one moment you believe he is speaking of one individual who is tormenting him and the next an army. But, the Psalm is all wrapped around the very personal enemy. . . who is not an enemy but a “friend.”
David’s experience is not unlike our own under toxic leadership in many cases. A leader generally has authority because he or she is granted it by the will of the organization – whether a board or other stakeholders. There are others complicit in his wickedness.
Those who grant authority to someone who oppresses, demeans, throws things, calls others horrible names, and generally acts like a spoiled child are responsible for allowing it to continue.
And it is from the pit of hell.
It matters not what great things the leader has done. If he oppresses others, he does not have the Lord’s blessing to remain in leadership.
Recently, I spoke with a victim of toxic church leadership. He spoke of a church board that, at the beginning of his experience, was simply misled by the leader. At that time they were responsive to the victim’s pleas for help.
However, in time, he described the board as becoming more and more toxic themselves. It was evident that they were being “handled” by the pastor and buying more and more into the pastor’s foolishness. These board members became heavy-handed like the pastor. They passed on his words as if God’s words. They sought to control the victim for the selfish ends of the leader.
Real Leadership
Jesus warned of toxic leadership.
But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Matthew 20:25-28 (ESV)
Real leaders lead as servants to their followers. That goes for churches, businesses, non-profit organizations, or political office.
Standing with Evil
Paul explained the character of true church leadership:
For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined.
Titus 1:7-8 (ESV)
Unfortunately, we all tend to be swayed by gifted and charming leaders. “They may not have these qualities Paul describes, but they sure get things done. . . and they are things we want done!“
We are quick to stand up at their side against their victims. We jump to the conclusion that the leader could not possibly be so wicked as to sexually harrass, lead with harshness, demean others, spiritually abuse, or seek his own greedy way.
But make no mistake. In standing and jumping we become complicit with the evil.
Paul, speaking in some of his strongest words against the Corinthians, calls them “arrogant.” He calls out the ones who are complicit by remaining aloof of a member’s sin. How much more should we refuse complicity with an abusive leader!
Arrogance
When we stand with an abusive leader we are arrogant in that we think we know better than the one who has suffered under their threats and violence. We think that in our place of favor with the leader we understand them better than the victim.
When a report of toxic leadership is made, the response should be one of listening and understanding. Otherwise, the hearer will face the consquences of his complicity. He is returning evil for the good of bringing to light the darkness of sin:
If anyone returns evil for good, evil will not depart from his house.
Proverbs 17:13 (ESV)
Woe to those who would fail to interpret the events in a true light:
Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!
Isaiah 5:20 (ESV)
Do the Hard Work: Investigate
Many will cry foul as they hold forth the rare exception of false reports. But false reports can be found out when investigated. Unfortunately, many do not take the time to investigate but immediately disbelieve reports against their beloved leader.
We all need to be humble enough to set aside our biases and easily affected attitudes towards our leaders and hear reports with a desire to know the truth.
For, indeed, it is the truth that will set victims free from oppression.
Let us be found to stand on God’s side. Not complicit with toxic leadership.
In James’ first chapter of his epistle to the “twelve tribes of the dispersion,” he takes abusive people to task. Maybe you have never noticed this before. Often, a passage in scripture comes alive once you experience something of it.
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger…
James 1:19
We can all relate to these verses as we go about our selfish days. We can often be very quick to speak and quite speedy at becoming angry. Some of us really love to hear ourselves talk rather than hear others and their ideas and struggles.
Abusive leaders are often described as failing at verse 19. However, a strange thing about abusers is that rarely are they “out of control.” We may think that they are quick to become angry. Outwardly this is how it appears as they assault their victims. They seem out of control of their emotions.
However, abusive people are often exceedingly good at controlling their anger and words. It is because of that self-control that those who are not the targets of their violent speech are often surprised by accusations that so-and-so is abusive. These bystanders have only observed the abuser’s self-control and even kindness. “He isn’t abusive. He is one of the nicest guys I know!”
For a number of years, the abusive leaders of our organization held their tongues and were very kind to my family. We enjoyed vacations and special dinners with them and their public praise. However, others shared their horror stories of deceit, harshness, and authoritarian leadership experiences with us.
We would, in quiet and calming tones, pass on our wisdom: “The leaders are sinners just like us and will say mean things. Just give them grace.” We figured the treatment these victims received was due to their poor relational skills.
Then the leaders’ tongues were turned on us. Lies. Angry outbursts. Authoritarian orders out of the blue.
Suddenly, we understood what others had been saying for years.
Unhelpful Bystanders
This is the difficulty. Those who can stand up and support others suffering abusive leadership in the home or workplace do not have a clue because the abuser controls themselves with those with whom they need to control themselves.
In corporations or organizations abusive mid-managers will suck up to their bosses while making life nearly hell for their subordinates. Because, they know how to control their anger and tongues. These abusive individuals need to put on a good face for those upline in management. Then they can turn their withering tongues on those under them.
As a friend and I were discussing lately, this is why many make the climb up the ladder of organizations that are supposed to be “imaging” Jesus’ life. The church just shakes its head at the Mark Driscolls, Jerry Falwell Jrs., and Bill Heibels of this world. “How did they get so far up the ladder?”
Because they knew when to blow and when to be kind. They knew when to dismember and when to charm.
When that charming, well-spoken, talented leader is accused of abusive tactics with his subordinates, don’t be surprised. Hear the stories and do what you can to bring accountability.
My soul is in the midst of lions; I lie down amid fiery beasts— the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords.
Psalm 57:4 (ESV)
Tongues are sharp swords.
Those who suggest emotional or verbal abuse are not really abuse need to consider scripture and psychology. Giving the benefit of the doubt, maybe they just don’t know anyone who has clung onto a job under an authoritarian, mean boss or the wounds a woman has suffered from being beaten down by words, lied to, and demeaned for years upon years.
They think unless there are outward physical marks, it just isn’t abuse.
But the pain inflicted by people’s words are deep. They oppress not just by physical force but by the cutting and stabs of those words.
David suffered anquish from Saul’s abusive words. How Saul was seeking to isolate David. How he went into rages against him. Though there was physical violence as well (trying to kill David), Saul’s lying and hateful words were deeply hurtful as well.
And David acknowledges that in Psalm 57.
“Swords” cut to the core of the person. They are not made to take a mole off cleanly like a scalpel. They tear and rip the body apart. David’s inerrent terminology told us nearly 3000 years ago what psychologists have been saying only in the last century.
But there are actual physical wounds born from verbal abuse. With modern technology, we can take brain scans to map the damage done by verbal abuse.
Harvard scientists recently said, “Our findings raise the possibility that exposure to verbal aggression [abuse] may affect the development of certain vulnerable brain regions in susceptible individuals.” They found that repeated verbal abuse has “as great an effect as physical or nondomestic sexual mistreatment.”
The study concluded,
“Verbal aggression alone turns out to be a particularly strong risk factor for depression, anger-hostility, and dissociation disorders.”
As you read David’s Psalms that were penned during his conflict with the abuser Saul (King of Israel), you see these signs in his writing. Consider the following [italics are mine]:
Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice.
Psalm 55:17 (ESV)
You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?
Psalm 56:8 (ESV)
And then David names it – verbal abuse:
O God, break the teeth in their mouths; tear out the fangs of the young lions, O LORD!
Psalm 58:6 (ESV)
David, who would become king of Israel, knew emotional abuse. He certainly knew physical abuse as well. [And, he sexually abused Bathsheba.]
Those who question the validity of calling people, who constantly tear others apart with their words, “abusers,” have either failed to read God’s Word closely enough or have not experienced the debilitating effects of verbal abuse themselves.
Call it what it is…give the victim safety . . . and hold the abuser accountable.
