“How To Decide When It’s Time to Quit Your Job” is a wonderful article written by Dr. Paul White. White joined Dr. Gary Chapman and Harold Myra in writing a book called “Rising Above a Toxic Workplace: Taking Care of Yourself in an Unhealthy Environment” a number of years ago. This is a rare text written for Christians on this topic.
In the book, White, Chapman and Myra interview a number of people and use their stories throughout the book to bring their ideas to life. Their description of toxic leaders can be summed up as those who are the opposite of those who are “exquisitely attuned to their followers and feel their pain, their wants, their needs. Leaders richly endowed with empathy.” They include a “top ten traits of toxic leaders” as a helpful guide. In addition, they chart “key differences between functional and dysfunctional individuals” and discuss how to engage with them.
With each chapter the writers give “survival strategies” and “leadership lessons,” both of which are helpful summaries of the chapter. One section considers “how to stay sane,” an important section for those seeking “self-differentiation” in their interactions.
The article above is a summary of one section of the book on determining whether it is worth it to continue the battle. It is a good, wise, balanced approach to that question giving helpful advise on what needs to be considered; such as thinking through what options you have, seeking advice from good advisors, and considering your health.
In order for leaders to relate to their work and those under their authority in ways that create shalom [peace], there must be a humility exemplified by other-centeredness. This other-centeredness is expressed in a willingness to recognize the giftedness of subordinates.
As noted in “Biblical Leadership – Part 1,” the word “leadership” means “go forth, die.” This second part of the series looks at how bosses encourage the development and use of the God-given gifts of their employees.
Teaming and Gift Cultivation
Though a leader be quite gifted, subordinates have something valuable to bring to the table.
Author Amy Edmondson says, “It can be hard for people to muster both the humility and the genuine curiosity that is needed to really learn from others.”[13] Particularly when it means learning from subordinates.
Does the leader see himself as the pinnacle of skill, character, and smarts? Does he think because he is paid more or has more degrees he is smarter than the peons? Vulnerability will be beyond his skill set!
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However, those who are not narcissists will be able to see their failings and holes in their abilities and gifts, and be vulnerable to their subordinates. They will seek their wisdom and willingly hear their criticism. Lencioni says, “The most important action that a leader must take to encourage the building of trust on a ‘team’ is to demonstrate vulnerability first.”[14]
Vulnerability is evidence of humility and it is within the context of vulnerability that creative and productive work takes place. Dr. Robert Burns expounds upon the importance of vulnerability, saying, “Vulnerability in safe relationships makes learning possible.”[15]
Being vulnerable does not happen unless there is safety in sharing personal failing.
However, according to Lencioni, most “successful people” have been trained either by example or by teaching to pursue career advancement through competiveness.[16] If the leader is most interested in being the “big man,” of winning at all costs, he will make it clear to his subordinates that failure is not an option.
And he will create an environment where open dialogue is impossible.
According to Ortberg, being vulnerable allows your people to see your human side – hearing you say,
“‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I was wrong’ – will take you off the pedestal…and put you down on the ground with them, where they will say, ‘If she can do it, I can do it’ or ‘If he can make it work, I can, too.‘”[17]
Oren Harari, author of The Leadership Secrets of Colin Powell, suggests “open doors, an unfettered clash of ideas, an unfiltered dialogue, all aimed at solving problems” is part of the good practice of leadership.[18]
There are many cultures when this openness is believed to invite disrespect by those under the authority of the boss. However, biblical respect has never meant unquestioned authoritarianism. [see Paul’s instruction in 1 Timothy 5:17-20 or the Apostles’ response to Jewish authorities in Acts 4:19-22]
“Seeking feedback” and allowing mistakes from subordinates – giving opportunity to learn as a team – is for the purpose of creating better products and providing better services for the glory of God.
Going Against the Grain of Hierarchy
However, “Hierarchy, by its very nature, dramatically reduces speaking up by those lower in the pecking order.”[19] It is only by concerted effort of the boss to seek out feedback and humbly receive it that this tendency can be minimized and real learning and productivity take place.[20]
Frank Barrett, author of Yes to the Mess: Surprising Leadership Lessons from Jazz, agrees and draws on his experience as a jazz artist. He describes the process of improvising in the jazz genre. He says, jazz musicians “must develop…a mutual orientation to one another’s unfolding.” Barrett argues this building on the talents of others takes a large “degree of empathic competence.” [21]
“Leaders must communicate that they respect employees, in particular by acknowledging the expertise and skills the employees bring,” according to Edmondson.[22]
The leader that works to create an environment for “cultivating” employees’ giftedness is simply following the biblical mandate as Ortberg notes.[23] Ortberg says, Jesus trained his followers for three years for the eventuality he would give away his power to them.
The Apostle Paul admonished the leadership of the Ephesian church “to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ.”[24] Though the leaders of the church have authority, it is to be used to build the members’ own giftedness. The plurality of leadership in the church is one of building a team that uses their gifts for developing the ministry of the entire church.
Barrett tells the story of a new employee of the IBM corporation. The president, Bill Gore, met the new MBA graduate and told him, “Look around and find something you’d like to do.”[25] Rather than the common view that leaders make all the decisions, Barrett challenges those in authority to give leadership away in order to build partnership and provide creative solutions in decision-making.[26]
Just as Jesus sent the disciples out two-by-two early in their ministry where they saw God at work and learned difficult lessons from failure, so should the Christian leader. [Luke 9 and 10]
This is strikingly similar to the model of the “priesthood of all believers” as described in Ephesians and 1 Peter.[27] In these passages, the Apostles Paul and Peter describe the egalitarian structure of ministry. The ministry of a Christian leader is a “joint ownership” with others those under their authority.[28]
Christian leadership should be characterized by genuine humility and the development of subordinates’ God-given gifts.
Much of what I write in the Pearls and Swine blog is negative; toxic leadership is a very emotional subject. If you have experienced it, and nearly everyone has in some context, it is easy to become consumed by thoughts of it.
That’s the nature of trauma.
However, I would like to write at least once about the antithesis of toxic leadership: biblical leadership. Despite what some in our culture assume, Christian leadership is not about authoritarianism. Unfortunately, many have experienced this kind of leadership in Christian organizations (including churches) and so have reason to be cynical.
But, it is not what Jesus taught or modeled.
Go Forth and Die
According to Heifetz and Linsky, authors of “Leadership on the Line,” the root of the term, “lead” is Indo-European and means “to go forth, die.”[1] What a beautiful concept for leadership . . . and probably shocking to some. Though their text is not Christian per se, the image of God is shining through them.
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The ultimate example of leadership was the Son of God who went forth and died.
Business management experts have much to say that delineates those terms. Suzanne van Gils, et. al., says a good leader sacrifices “personal gains for the benefit of the team.”[2] This is antithetical to much of the business world and even many Christian organizations where the leader acts primarily for his self-gratification. It may be for personal image and status or wealth. But, leaders “die” in a positive way when they seek other’s good over their own. They die to self.
This is the image created by the Apostle Peter:
Shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; 3 not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.
1 Peter 5:2-3
Sincere Humility
Literature in both the secular and Christian management worlds suggests that successful leadership over the long term will be characterized by a humble servanthood rather than authoritarian dictatorship. Richard Rardin, writing to Christian leaders, says, “The servant of God must die to self before he or she can be of much use to the Father.”[3]
Dying to self can be described as doing “nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves,” as the Apostle Paul writes.[4]
Jim Collins, author of “Good to Great,” explains that his study of top rated corporations showed humility and an attitude of service by corporate CEOs was an important component of the company’s success. His think tank studied nearly 15 businesses that were wildly successful over the longterm.
They identified five areas that all of the corporations had in common. When it came to the CEO, he said, the “level 5 leader” was “an individual who blends extreme personal humility with intense professional will.”[5] He is not a vision-less, weak-kneed, milk-toast leader. But, he has extreme personal humility.
Ken Blanchard, in The Leadership Challenge, referring to Christian leadership, says, “The key to a servant leader’s heart is humility.”[6] Richard Rardin, author of “The Servant’s Guide to Leadership: Beyond First Principles,” says this is an “inside-out phenomenon.”[7] Leadership in the church cannot simply be a veneer, according to Rardin who says that which is in the heart comes out in “words and deeds.”[8] Rardin suggests that the inner attitudes that leaders bring to the workplace will be expressed outwardly.[9]
Is this not what scripture teachers as the writers go for the heart of man? Paul says in 1 Peter 1:22,
“Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart.”
1 Peter 1:22
There is no leeway given for manipulation or false-fronts in biblical teaching. Love, expressed in our humility, is to be sincere . . . from the core of man.
The Struggle
But, Amy Edmondson, author of “Teaming: How Organizations Learn, Innovate, and Compete in the Knowledge Economy,” argues humility is not something that comes easily for those who are in high positions.
Christian author, John Maxwell agrees, cautioning, “Ironically, most people see leaders who change the world as needing to be brazen and audacious.”[10] He goes on to argue, “But the only way to make a real difference is to do so humbly, without regard for recognition, ego, pride, even self-preservation.”[11]
Christian leadership requires a servant’s attitude and action on behalf of those who are subordinate, neither a common nor easy goal. Leaders must go beyond their own comfort and needs, setting aside the world’s motivations of ego and pride, as Maxwell notes.
“Lording it over” others, as Jesus says, is a basic temptation for Christian leaders and it must be battled daily.[12] And only by knowing the good news of the gospel, and embracing Jesus’ model of self-sacrificing leadership, can the Christian leader overcome the old nature.
Notes
[1] Heifetz and Linsky, Leadership on the Line, 208, Kindle.
[2] Birgit Schyns and Tiffany Hansbrough, eds., When Leadership Goes Wrong: Destructive Leadership, Mistakes, and Ethical Failures (Charlotte, NC: Information Age Publishing, 2010), 296.
[3] Richard Rardin, The Servant’s Guide to Leadership: Beyond First Principles (Albany, OR: Selah Publishing, 2001), 102–3.
[5] James C. Collins, Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap–and Others Don’t (New York: HarperBusiness, 2001), 21.
[6] John C. Maxwell, Christian Reflections on The Leadership Challenge, ed. James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2006), 104.
[7] Rardin, The Servant’s Guide to Leadership, 36.
In 2007, Lundy Bancroft, arguably the most knowledgable and experienced social scientist in the area of domestic violence,* listed characteristics of an abuser’s repentance. He did not call it “repentance,” but that is evidently what it is. He called it, “Checklist for Assessing Change in Men Who Abuse Women.“
Every expert (including Bancroft) I have read, agrees: Abusers rarely change their stripes. This is true in both the business and at home. Whether you read a marital abuse counselor or a business management expert, abuse is about power and it is uncommon for abusers to repent.
True Repentance
However, there are still streams of light.
There are abusers at home and in the office who change.
After his work with hundreds of abusers, consider Lundy’s list of what a “changed” abuser looks like – if they do change:
Admits fully to what he has done
Stops excuses
Stops all blaming of her
Makes amends
Accepts responsibility (recognizing that abuse is a choice)
Identifies patterns of controlling behavior, admitting their wrongness
Identifies the attitudes that drive his abuse
Accepts that overcoming abusiveness will be a decades-long process, not declaring himself cured
Does not start to say, “so now it’s your turn to do your work,” does not use change as a bargaining chip
Does not demand credit for improvements he has made
Does not treat improvements as chips or vouchers to be spent on occasional acts of abuse (e.g. “I haven’t done anything like this in a long time, so why are you making such a big deal about it?”)
Develops respectful, kind, supportive behaviors
Carries his weight
Shares power
Changes how he is in highly heated conflicts
Changes how he responds to his partner’s (or former partner’s) anger and grievances
Changes his parenting
Changes his treatment of her as a parent
Changes his attitudes towards females in general
Accepts the consequences of his actions (including not feeling sorry for himself about those consequences, and not blaming her or the children for them)
These assessments can easily be contextualized to the work environment. Here are a few:
Will the leader of the organization admit his failures?
Does he take responsibility for his actions?
Does he genuinely apologize for his abusive behavior to subordinates?
Does he catch himself when he begins to heat up?
Does he treat his subordinates as God’s image-bearers who have value and valuable things to say?
Does he give credit to those who have done the work?
Just recently I heard of a case where an emotionally and physically abusive man was getting “good marks” in his court-ordered batterer’s counseling. He has shown none of the marks listed by Bancroft to his ex-wife and children as he continually bombards her with legal challenges, lies, and blame-shifting.
It is extraordinarily frustrating to all who know the situation that the counselor does not appear to have any real understanding of abuse. This is not unusual to the business world where few understand the destruction of an abusive boss. Toxic leaders continue traumatizing their targets as others stand by making excuses.
Jack and I served the same Christian organization. When he left the mission field, he vowed that he would never work for another Christian organization again. He had developed a distrust for those who name the Name of Christ, but treat their employees (and other stakeholders) like dirt.
Now, after several years of healing and vocational development, Jack has begun looking at job possibilities in Christian organizations once again. His love for what the church of Christ can do for the building of God’s Kingdom is pulling him back. As we talked, his concern was how to determine if an organization is toxic before signing on the dotted line.
What questions can you ask when the typical interviewer says, “Are there questions you have for us?” What steps should you take to identify an organization that is toxic? This is what I found in my research to identify questions you can ask and steps you can take to make wise organizational choices.
If being interviewed by the boss:
Because you are primarily looking for toxic leaders, you may be speaking directly to one in your interview. If that is the case, these questions are hopefully non-intimidating and you might get honest answers that will point to problems if there are any.
What is the average length of employment at the organization?
Does the organization have a seemingly high resignation (or firing) rate? Is it due to the pay or because they are particularly hard to work for? Many Christian organizations pay less, but have high loyalty rates. If they have neither, there may be red flags flying.
If an employee has difficulty with a manager or other employee, is there a policy / process for complaints in the organization?
This commonly overlooked area of ministry development can go a long ways in making the organization toxin-proof. Is there a clear policy that shows respect for individuals and gives the employee a safe way to complain of mistreatment? Of course, the organization may have a policy in place but fail to implement it well.
How do managers in the organization seek to develop and use the God-given gifts of their subordinates?
Ultimately, a Christian organization (or any other for that matter) should be seeking to “take dominion” in the use of employee God-given gifts and talents used for His glory. Leaders in a Christian ministry ought to have considered how they are fulfilling the dominion mandate or they may be seeking to develop their own image and seek their own glory through the work of others.
Ask these questions of Employees:
Discussing the organization with employees is probably the most important step you should take. But, as you begin to gain insight to the organization from the grass-roots level, there is one very important thing to keep in mind: Often employees do not agree on whether a leader is toxic or not. As Kusy and Holloway, in a very helpful book called “Toxic Workplace,” say,
“A tip in recognizing toxicity is that there may be (and likely are) different perspectives about the toxic person; there may even be some people who do not experience the person’s toxicity at all. This is especially true for those who are in a position of power or control access to powerful others, perks, or any number of resources the toxic individual wants.” [1]
There are some big-picture ideas that you need to understand as you interview employees of the organization. Kusy and Holloway say, “When we examined the behavioral items statistically, we arrived at three primary types of behaviors that put a frame around how to identify [toxic leaders] in a simple and straightforward fashion: shaming, passive hostility, and team sabotage.” [2]
Here are some ideas:
Do you consistently feel valued by your bosses?
Is the leader demeaning or derogatory? Do they act like a parent disciplining a child when criticizing their subordinates or other managers? Do they intentionally embarrass others?
Are your ideas asked for and considered in decision-making?
Are the leaders team-oriented? Do they see a win by a subordinate as a win for the team? In Biblical language: Do they believe their subordinates are creative image-bearers of God so they actually believe they can learn from them?
Have you, or someone you know, questioned an idea of the boss / team leader? How did that go?
This could be either a matter of a leader’s sin or simply a leader’s idea that others disagreed with. Usually, toxic individuals will either blow a fuse or shift blame for any implied shortcomings…oftentimes no matter how small an issue it is. In Biblical language: They are unrepentant – unwilling to admit wrong. Be attentive to answers that suggests the managers have little or no humility.
Is there respect shown among leaders and followers for other organizations than their own?
Are the leaders very territorial? Do they suggest, “Our organization does it the very best way.” “If you aren’t for us, you are against us.” Even if you get this sense from the employees, it is possible brainwashing has come from the leadership.
Do the leaders change decisions “and claim no knowledge of the initial conversation and decision.” [3]
This is common to those toxic leaders who are “passive-aggressive.” The employee may think the leader is very busy, has a lot on their plate, and “probably just forgets things.” They may also go behind a co-worker’s back without discussing issues directly with them. These are particularly manipulative people.
Do the leaders trust you to follow through with the details of your job? Do they trust their teams to fulfill the organization’s mission?
Micromanaging is a destructive and toxic approach to management. If the subordinates cannot do their job and will not deal with details, the manager may feel the need to do this. This kind of environment may be or is possibly in process of becoming toxic systemically. This may not mean there is toxic leadership, but by talking to several employees you should be able to get an idea of whether it is employee or leadership induced micromanagement.
There are many other questions that can be asked, keeping in mind the bigger issues and forming questions that get to the heart of those issues. I have found that most people do not really understand when they are in a toxic environment. Often they have drunk deeply from the Kool-aid and refuse to see their organization as toxic. Therefore, you must get the answers by means of non-threatening questions and listen closely for what may be underlying their responses.
Do you have additional ideas born from experience? Please share them with us.
Notes
1 Kusy, Mitchell. Toxic Workplace!: Managing Toxic Personalities and Their Systems of Power (Kindle Locations 378-380). Wiley. Kindle Edition.
