Common to the abuser of power in the home, church, organization, or workplace is a sense of entitlement.
Recently, I have been enjoying “The Crown,” a TV series about Queen Elizabeth and the monarchy in Britain. It is fascinating.
It is apparent that the royalty has enjoyed good and humble servants to the people. And it has suffered with arrogant and entitled snobs. These have been a burden to the common people.
Scripture gives no leeway to those who think they are particularly important. The Lord of Hosts does not take kindly to the arrogant. God does not give a hoot for those that think they deserve all the spoils of this life including wealth, honor, or comfort and will do whatever is necessary to gain them.
When David was saved from his enemies (and the wicked King Saul), he wrote a song saying,
You save a humble people, but your eyes are on the haughty to bring them down.
2 Samuel 22:28 (ESV)
This is the consistent theme in scripture. God saves humble people. But He judges those who are puffed up with their own importance.
He has shown strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts; he has brought down the mighty from their thrones and exalted those of humble estate
Luke 1:51-52 (ESV)
It is the Lord’s work in their hearts. They are born arrogant and self-serving, but by the grace of God, they are made to humble themselves to serve Him.
The arrogant are easy to spot.
They think they have all the answers.
They see themselves as better than everyone around them: smarter, better looking, more important.
They seek control of those who come up against them often in ruthless and shocking ways: angry outbursts, manipulation, isolation, firings.
They blame others for their own failures or feelings.
They never ask for help. Never acknowledge weakness.
They talk a lot about how others need to submit to their authority. They rely on that authority rather than on practicing good and humble leadership.
They talk a lot about how special their organization, family, church, or business are. Much more special than any other.
They do not respond to criticism: they get angry, justify, ignore…
These are just a few listed by experts in the field of leadership. [see the P&S Resources page]
It is not uncommon for those caught under such oppressive leadership to wonder if the leader is even a Christian. Their behavior seems so antithetical to Christ.
It is a question that cannot be answered in this life by God’s created beings.
The Editor of Pearls and Swine spent eight years on the mission field in Africa. His family learned much about family, community, leadership, and God’s work around the world. Read their stories.
But, in the process of church discipline as described in Matthew 18, the church is to consider the unrepetant “as a Gentile and a tax collector.” This has normally been understood to mean, “treat him as a unbeliever.”
Note, he is to be seen (or treated) this way. Our judgment may be incorrect but the arrogant is clearly not following the Lord and cannot have assurance of salvation. And, the church should not give him or her that assurance.
For the humble leaders…there is much assurance and encouragement found in scripture.
He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.
Psalm 25:9 (ESV)
The LORD lifts up the humble; he casts the wicked to the ground.
Psalm 147:6 (ESV)
Are you under the tyranical hand of a toxic leader? A “mocker,” as Dan Allender (and Proverbs) calls them?
Be assured that the Lord will, in time, lift you up and cast the arrogant to the ground.
Are you a tyranical or toxic leader? Turn to the Lord. Trusting in Him and repentance are your only assurance of His saving work in your life.
In the experience of abusive leadership in the home, church, workplace, and government, it is common to hear demands of submission as if the leader has absolute and ultimate authority.
Biblically, it is not true. Don’t be fooled by the blustering.
In his epistle to the Ephesians Paul spoke to husbands and wives, explaining their roles [Ephesians 5:22-33]. In a recent discussion with a friend it was pointed out that the church is keen on preaching “taking headship” in the family, often using this passage.
The curious thing about this passage is that in verse 23, where the word “head” is used for the husband’s role, it is in the indicative. The sentence is a statement of fact. It IS what the husband is in the family.
However, all the statements following, regarding the acting upon this position of the husband, instruct him to love and die like Christ.
Those are imperatives. Those are the commands he must follow. He does not take headship. He is called to live it in love and die like Christ.
But those who are control and power hungry, grab the indicatives in scripture and turn them into battle cries in the home and workplace. “I am the head and you must be loyal and submit.” And all disagreement is understood to be rebellion.
They never look at the responsibilities of leadership. Only at the benefits of good leadership.
Abusive leaders don’t look to their own leader, Jesus Christ.
“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant…”
Philippians 2:5-7 (ESV)
This is what leadership looks like. It is strange that throughout the New Testament you do not read of Jesus demanding submission from His followers. You see Jesus washing their feet like a common household servant would and saying, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.” [John 13:12-15 (ESV)]
Jesus didn’t demand, He served. And His disciples did then indeed submit to him…in their broken and forgiven ways.
But the one who abuses his authority in the home or workplace fails to look to his own leader, Jesus Christ.
Abusive leaders don’t look at their own imperatives.
What is the responsibility of governing authorities? The Apostle Peter says,
“Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good.”
1 Peter 2:13-14 (ESV)
Most people look to the beginning of that sentence only and do not consider how it ends. But, notice that governing authorities are called to “punish those who do evil and praise those who do good.” That means they are to rule fairly and execute real justice. There are demands on the leaders.
What are the imperatives for husbands in the home?
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.”
Ephesians 5:25-28 (ESV)
Doesn’t sound much like crushing emotional, spiritual, and physical abuse does it?
Who wouldn’t submit to this kind of genuinely humble and serving leader?
Remember the ultimate leader, Jesus. He went to the cross to serve His people. Is the husband, boss, or government leader willing to go to great discomfort to serve the good of his wife, subordinate, or citizen? Even die or lose their position to serve their constituant’s needs?
Or, is he just interested in power and authority…and the follower’s submission?
Leaders in the home, workplace, and government; submit yourself to your own leader, Jesus! Then follow what He calls you to in your position of authority. He has not called on you to demand servanthood from others.
Only demand it of yourself.
A look at missions in Africa by the Editor of Pearls & Swine Site.
Stories of God’s transforming of one family’s ministry in the furnace of cross-cultural missions. Jeanine Jackson, the former US Ambassador to Malawi said, “What a wonderful book!”
Recently, I have been meditating upon and journaling in the Psalms. In particular, I have focused on two Psalms: numbers 44 and 46. Both were written by the Sons of Korah, likely descendents of the Korah of Numbers 16.
The fact that these descendents wrote hymns of praise for the Jews and Christians is a testament to God’s redemptive work. It is their “father” (generations before) that rose up against Moses and Aaron, and likewise against Yahweh, and was judged for his rebellion. Yet, these children of Korah have provided a valuable part of our worship of the Lord through their penning of several Psalms.
Placing these two Psalms in juxtaposition have been helpful to my own meditation in God’s word as I consider abusive leadership in the home and workplace. Psalm 44 is clasified is a cry for mercy and Psalm 46 a Psalm of praise. It is almost as if the Sons of Korah wrote Psalm 44 in depression and, when God brought them out, followed up in the writing of Psalm 46.
I have seen many sufferers of toxic leadership sink into depression and rise from those ashes as they came out of the bondage of that abuse.
Psalm 44 begins with reminders of God’s faithful care of His people. He had driven out the nations. He had ordained salvation for His people. He had put to shame those who hated His people.
But, alas, the psalmists explain, the Lord has now seemingly rejected them.
But you have rejected us and disgraced us and have not gone out with our armies. 10 You have made us turn back from the foe, and those who hate us have gotten spoil. 11 You have made us like sheep for slaughter and have scattered us among the nations. 12 You have sold your people for a trifle, demanding no high price for them. 13 You have made us the taunt of our neighbors, the derision and scorn of those around us.
Psalm 44:9-13 (ESV)
Yahweh hasn’t been with them. God’s children have not won the war. They are like a meak and weak lamb that is taken away and slaughtered. They have been exiled to lands not their own. The people are sold for a pittance…they are seemingly worth nothing to the Lord. They are ridiculed and scorned by arrogant abusers that surround them.
Don’t you feel like that sometimes? Why, oh Lord, are you not acting on my behalf? If you love me so tenderly, then why am I in such straits? Why did you lead me into a mission work where I am abused by my leadership? Why did you give me such a horrendous marriage?
The hurt and sorrow can be so overwhelming that we want to “curse God and die” as Job’s wife counseled him to do in the midst of his great agony.
Job 2:9
There is no resolution to this lament in Psalm 44. It ends with a cry for mercy from the Lord. Save us, oh Lord! Redeem us – buy us back from our suffering.
Songs like Psalm 44 are sweet parts of our Bible. They are truthful, down-to-earth, emotional expressions of God’s children. We can sing them and be right there with the authors. We can commune with our fellow travelers on our spiritual journeys in a broken world full of sinful, arrogant, and hurtful people.
Psalm 46 is the answer. It is the glory from the ashes. It is the emotional healing of the Psalmist.
There the Sons of Korah proclaim,
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, 3 though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
Psalms 46:1-3 (ESV)
Though all this suffering has been my lot, God ismy refuge. He is my help. Though trouble is all around me. Though my enemies, in the form of bosses, managers, husbands, or even former friends, circle around, creating havoc in my life and deep, lasting pain, “The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
It is interesting that those who have chosen to work specifically in the area of abuse healing (having been targets of abuse) often step into more of these traumatic experiences as they do battle with those who do not understand the dynamics or Biblical response to abuse. A skin thickened by developing Biblical barriers to these attacks is imperative.
Wading into the depths of these Psalms can be both the healing balm and helpful aid to building boundaries that protect our integrity from those who war against a Biblical understanding of abuse.
God is our refuge! We need not fear even if everything goes to pot. Though our lives crumble around us as the waves crash against our weak human defenses, the Lord is our very present help when in those troubled times. He is very present, not just on duty now and then. He is continually giving refuge to the oppressed and strength to the wounded.
We are all dependent. We long for satisfaction. We long for respect and love and relationship.
The “Sons of Korah” wrote Psalm 42 expressing the deep longing so many of us have. As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. The entire Psalm is an expression of dependency.
A good kind of dependency.
Not a dependency that results in suffering, pain, or rejection. But a dependency that will result in satisfaction and ultimate salvation. Where we might so often depend on a business leader, political leader, husband, wife, or friend, Psalm 42 points to a reliance on God we have and should have.
Real dependence on God results in salvation and praise. Its outcome is joy. Not sorrow or fear.
But dependence on self or other men result in broken promises and greater distrust. Though I depend upon my wife as my best friend, there are times when I drive her crazy with my clinging. That is as it should be. Only God can handle my dependency. In fact, He made me that way and from my very first parents in the Garden of Eden, He expected his created beings to depend on Him alone.
And He never wearies of it.
Dependence on God = Humility
Dependency on Christ has a real fringe benefit.
When our dependency is on Christ and not other people, we can also then be humble and responsive to critique. If we are dependent on their approval we become overly sensitive and either maddened by criticism or deeply hurt.
The humble man is likely to be saddened but changed. The arrogant is likely to be maddened and strike back.
Psalm 141:5 says,
Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it.
David was a humble man. You can almost see his heart saying, “I hate this rebuke,” but he is working very hard to recognize it as the gift it is.
Leaders need this kind of heart. They need to see the criticism they receive as “kindness.” It is like “oil” for their head. Barnes Notes on the Bible says the rebuke “should be received as readily as that which contributed most to comely adorning and comfort.” This is how those of David’s time would understand oil being poured out on the head of an important person in a festival celebration.
Oil was healing. It was to be received with joy and as a gift.
Do You Hear Criticism?
How often do leaders hear and receive criticism? This is the hallmark of godly leadership because it is based on godly humility.
Collaboration is a way of working with colleagues that is characterized by cooperation, mutual respect, and shared goals. It involves sharing information, coordinating actions, discussing what’s working and what’s not, and perpetually seeking input and feedback.1
Amy Edmondson
Notice what Edmondson says? A team (collaboration) is always “discussing what’s working and what’s not.” They are always seeking “input and feedback.”
An autocratic, arrogant leader may be effective for a time. But he will fail in time because more heads are better than one. The leader that is dependent on his subordinates to make him feel good, smart, clever, and powerful is never a team player and will not build a ministry or product that seeks God’s glory.
But a leader who looks for and receives differing views as oil on his head will build a lasting legacy.
Do you serve under an autocrat or abusive leader? This lack of humility is a common sign that they are. And, it is unlikely they will ever provide a good and godly workplace.
It may be time to move on.
Are you unable to hear criticism? Do you find that you consistently say they are wrong or project the wrong on those who criticize. Do you seek ways to discredit your critic?
It’s time you get help.
Stories in African Mission
“My family of six arrived in Malawi, Africa in August of 2003 to a wonderfully hospitable group of fellow missionaries. I was not really prepared for what awaited us. Our family had not done any significant homework on Malawian life but were nonetheless excited to get started with it.“
What a wonderful book! You have beautifully combined storytelling of your and your family’s journey and experiences with scripture, spiritual experiences, music, and observations of Malawian and Western cultures. It is a great reference for anyone working and living in Malawi or those who support programs in Malawi.
Jeanine Jackson Former United States Ambassador to Malawi State Department Leadership Consultant
As I read at times, I felt I was reading the travel log of a missionary tourist, the insights of a musical theorist, the confessions of a cultural imperialist, the wisdom of a cross-cultural missiologist, and the reflections of journalist investigating a mystery cult. [Dehnert] presents a childlike wonder as he speaks about strange and stranger things in a strange and beautiful land. It was great how he expressed his fears, weaknesses, and misconceptions as part of the path to a gradual awakening. Dehnert didn’t go to Malawi with an agenda and he loves people; I think that enabled him to learn so much. In the end the book comes across like a fun travel documentary with some sage-like wisdom thrown in.
Rev. Jay Stoms Missionary with National Christian Foundation Stellenbosch, South Africa
NOTES:
1Edmondson, Amy C. (2012-03-16). Teaming: How Organizations Learn, Innovate, and Compete in the Knowledge Economy (Kindle Locations 1078-1080). Wiley. Kindle Edition.
People were created to love God and neighbor. They were created to care for and keep the world [Genesis 2:15]. To create flourishing.
They were not created to sow power and reap abuse.
Imagine for a moment that you have purchased a vineyard. You tenderly care for the vines, providing ample water each week, making sure it goes a foot deep into the rich soil. You daily walk through the rows pulling weeds and watching for nasty pests. You fertilize it and prune it yearly to remove all growth except new 1-year-old fruiting canes and renewal spurs.
But then, you discover the grapes are smaller and less sweet than you had expected. They are more prone to disease. They are “wild” grapes.
You did everything to care for the vineyard but the grapes have gone their own way.
God’s Wild Grapes
Apparently, in Isaiah’s time, God’s people had done the same.
God, the one true God, who created all things, is perfectly just and righteous. He is loving in all His ways. He is extraordinarily merciful to a broken people. Despite seeing His love and care, watering and pruning in the lives of His people, they have been more interested in joining “house to house” and adding “field to field” as the prophet Isaiah said of the wild grapes [Isaiah 5:1-10].
The picture Isaiah paints is of a greedy and oppressive people who are more concerned about their wealth than the care of their fellow man. If you ever wanted to know where our anti-monopoly laws come from, you need look no further than Isaiah’s prophetic witness.
However, this picture does not stop with monopolies. Isaiah is presenting a broader principle that cuts to heart of American Christian culture: power and oppression. We are a deeply broken people in the West where fame, fortune, and building at all costs rules so many of our decisions and is used as a means to oppress rather than bless. Consider how we protest a corporation who operates in a way we think is morally repugnant. We boycott. We shoot for the pocketbook. We know money makes the world go ’round.
Because we know that to get to the heart, you go to the bank.
Because people are more concerned about power and comforts than anything else. As long as the stock market is doing well . . . we are doing well. As long as the church’s image is larger than life . . . we are doing well.
The ends justify the means.
But God says there will be a reckoning. Isaiah goes on to say,
The LORD of hosts has sworn in my hearing: “Surely many houses shall be desolate, large and beautiful houses, without inhabitant. For ten acres of vineyard shall yield but one bath, and a homer of seed shall yield but an ephah.”
Isaiah 5:9-10
God told Israel (and Judah) He would take away the very thing they were so driven to attain: wealth and power. All those houses they built for themselves, after taking everyone else’s land, will end up empty. The land they invested in, taking it from all the “little guys,” would produce very little fruit.
The oppression they practiced would come back on them.
and Toxic Leadership?
It is in the context of grabbing after wealth and power that the toxic leader rises up and survives in our power and image-driven world. If the expectations of followers is that there be much cake, then the leader is driven by such demands. If a leader shows an accute ability to build the image of the church, the members greedily hang on his every word.
It does not matter if he is a liar or a sexual predator, or any other kind of toxic personality. If he creates something we can take pride in or supports our priority projects, we are good to go and will support him.
And I am not talking about the government or secular workplace. This is the church.
But if God’s people expect love and care for all of God’s creation, there is more likely to be a use of our resources for care and concern by those in leadership. There is more likely to be a use of power for care and concern. If Christian organizations hold leaders accountable, power becomes the means by which those organizations and churches take care of people. And that power is held very loosely remembering that the first will be last.
Money, social presence, and power are only tools. And they are not to be tools used for an individual’s pathological self-love.
Not at all.
Zero.
and he looked for justice, but behold, bloodshed; for righteousness, but behold, an outcry!
Isaiah 5:7
We all need to evaluate what we look for in leaders and those of us who are leaders, consider the cost of self-love.
Only the humility found in the Gospel can save us.
While researching and writing about toxic leadership over the last few years, I have often shared with anyone who would listen, “Toxic Leadership never ends well.” It is a disappointing and well-worn lesson.
As we watch current events unfold we are seeing the results of narcissism in bold and deeply disturbing colors. The short-term positive gains by a toxic leader, I would suggest, can never overcome the long-term devastation caused by their focus on self and the devaluation of people and relationships.
Scripture teaches this and life lived shows it.
Below is a portion of my research from a few years ago about narcissism.
Who Was Narcissist?
Langberg explains the name, “Narcissist” comes from the Greek mythological story of a young, handsome youth who had a “heart that was inaccessible to love.”[1]
One of his “rejected lovers” prayed that he be punished for his “lack of empathy.”[2] Nemesis, the god of retribution to whom she prayed, “caused Narcissist to see his reflection in the water and fall completely in love with himself.”[3] As he was unable to access his reflection, he “died of unrequited love.”[4]
Narcissists and Leadership
It is common for narcissists to occupy leadership positions. According to Chamorro-Premuzic, “An impressive 15-year longitudinal study found that individuals with psychopathic and narcissistic characteristics gravitated towards the top of the organizational hierarchy.”[5]
Chandler and Fields explain,
“Narcissistic leaders may pass selection screening because they possess strengths such as the ability to present a vision in a charismatic fashion, inspire others with rhetoric, and thereby persuade others to follow.”[6]
There have been many studies on the Narcissistic Personality Disorder according to George Simon, author of the article, “Narcissism: Pathological Self-Love,” despite the American Psychiatric Association removing the disorder from the DSM-5.[7] He says, “Too many folks who know all too well how painful it is to live or deal with a narcissist” are seeking information on narcissism.
Simon goes on to say, “Because ours is the age of permissiveness and especially ‘entitlement,’ narcissism has flourished, and just about everyone has a story to tell about dealing with a narcissist.”[8]
Identifying Narcissists
Narcissistic individuals are described as “conceited, boastful or pretentious,” according to the Mayo Clinic.[9] Chamorro-Premuzic says narcissists have “unrealistic feelings of grandiosity, an inflated – though often unstable and insecure – sense of self-worth, and a selfish sense of entitlement coupled with little consideration for others.[10]
Oates defines empathy as “putting oneself in another person’s place and experiencing that person’s needs as primary,” and lacking this other-centeredness is a common characteristic of narcissism.[11]
Narcissists often “belittle or look down on people” they “perceive as inferior.”[12] “As a result . . . they naturally conclude they should come first: their needs (often lavish), their image, their success,” argue Chapman, White, and Myra.[13]
According to Chandler and Fields, “Narcissistic leaders . . . blame others for their failures.”[14] They “usually have no interest in self-insight or change.”[15]
Oates agrees, saying, “The capacity for self-evaluation and self-criticism is absent.”[16] Subordinates are simply “expected to provide blind support.”[17] If employees do not act in support of the narcissist, they become “increasingly expendable,” according to Oates.[18]
The Impact on Organizations
“The capricious nature of narcissistic leaders makes them prone to conduct negative management behaviors in order to maintain their own interests and authority, which deteriorates the perception of good relationship between employees and the organization and leads to negative responses from employees that reduce their job embeddedness (Ogunfowora, 2013; Haggard and Park, 2018; Mackey et al., 2018).”
Heli Wang, Runkai Jiao, and Feifei Li, “Research on the Effect of Narcissistic Leadership on Employee Job Embeddedness,” Frontiers in Psychology 13 (July 7, 2022): 927529, https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.927529.
According to Wang, et. al., employees of these businesses and organizations are not as committed to their jobs. In addition, research shows that there is greater turnover, sick leave, and family difficulties where a boss is toxic.
It is evident that narcissistic leadership do not bring about the goals of an organization no matter how talented that leader is. In the end, the organization will suffer poor performance by employees and less buy-in. A Christian organization’s witness to a watching world will in turn be diminished.
It behooves us to know the signs of a narcissist and not be drawn into his pathological self-love.
Notes
[1] Langberg, “Narcissism and The System It Breeds.”
[12] Mayo Clinic Staff, “Narcissistic Personality Disorder.”
[13] Gary Chapman, Paul E. White, and Harold Myra, Rising Above a Toxic Workplace: Taking Care of Yourself in an Unhealthy Environment (Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 2014), 136.
[14] Schyns and Hansbrough, When Leadership Goes Wrong, 106.
[15] Arabi, “20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths Use to Silence You.”
Reading the early part of Paul’s letter to Titus is at once like sitting at a brightly lit sidewalk cafe with a freshly brewed coffee in hand and curled up in a corner in the fetal position completely depressed.
The Apostle Paul wrote to Titus (likely in Crete) nearly 2000 years ago to encourage him as he battled against false and abusive teachers in the church. It is refreshing to read what God requires of the character of a leader. But His description and often what we see in church leadership is not at all similar.
As we read the first chapter we get a taste of what leadership in the church should look like.
…if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.
Titus 1:6-9
As Diane Langberg notes in Redeeming Power, “To use our power rightly in this world, we must exercise it through love, as Christ does.” [Redeeming Power, Loc. 2444] Paul’s description of leadership in the church to Titus reverberates with love.
The Forest
I am a “big-picture” guy. I like to see themes and overarching concepts as I study scripture. Yes, detail is great, but I believe scripture is particularly full of “principles” to be applied in the myriad of life events. It is the principles – like the 10 Commandments – where we find the help we need in living life on a day to day basis. It is a work of wisdom to apply God’s principles as we face the legion of decisions we make daily.
Paul’s instruction to Titus about leadership in the church has a particularly forest character: it is the big picture of Christrian character! Seeing the forest for the trees, we see in Paul’s overall instruction that a leader is loving.
Some would see the list in Titus 1 as a call to arms in taking authority in the home and squashing dissent. But it is not.
They are character traits that I have seen in numerous church leaders who I would describe as gentle, gracious, and kind. Oh, yes, they are solid as a rock theologically. But, they are first and foremost lovers of God’s people (including their family) and the world He created for His glory. They live out their theology in the way Paul instructs.
Starting in the Home
Picking the list apart, the Apostle begins in the home. Because, how the leader relates to family is often the most telling of his leadership abilities. Recently, a friend and I determined that we can be the meanest at home. There we find the full expression of our attitudes for good or bad. Maybe it is the unconditional love we get from our spouses and children that we believe gives us license to hurt.
We often find that the “charmer,” we so admired outside the home, is actually beating his wife and children in the privacy of his home.
Paul, in another place, tells fathers to not “exasperate” their children. Having children who are believers and not “open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination” is the result of a man who loves his children well. It is not bringing the hammer down on every failure, but loving the child through their faithlessness. Of course, parents are not responsible ultimately for a child’s rebellion but parents do most certainly impact their youthful attitudes. [Prov. 22:6]
In the Church
Paul’s list begins with what is visible in church leadership noting that a leader is “not arrogant or quick-tempered.” I am continually writing about “humility” because it is truly a fundamental element of godly character, particularly in leadership.
I have discovered that toxic environments in the church are so often created by individuals or a general culture that lacks humility.
There is no way for there to be peace and unity in the church or an organization without the players holding their views with humility. There will always be conflicts in theology. God has made clear the Gospel message, but there will always be clashes when it comes to particularly detailed view of ethics or doctrine.
If we do not have the humility to recognize…
that a view we hold could be wrong or
that others with good minds have reason for coming up with a differing view,
then our view will grow to be a mountain on which to die.
From the Editor of Pearls and Swine: Kelly Dehnert’s missions memoirs.Buy on Amazon.
We die on the mountain of the Gospel – that all was created good, man sinned against God, Jesus went to the cross to take away that sin, and by trusting in His work we can have eternal life – but not on the foothills.
In addition, humility helps us lay our conflict at Christ’s feet and in the Holy Spirit’s capable hands to solve.
There may be views we hold strongly and believe we must hold them unswervingly. However, sometimes we must lay it down recognizing that it is the Holy Spirit that must change hearts.
No amount of debate and argument will change a heart that God is not changing. Rest in knowing that the Lord sanctifies His children in His time and in His way. He may use our words but He may not. 2nd Timothy 2:24-26 should be the “Titus Leadership Theme Verse.”
“And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”
2nd Timothy 2:24-26 (ESV)
I believe Paul put “arrogant” and “quick-tempered” together for a reason. The two go together nicely. They come together to make a miserable situation.
The man who is arrogant will also tend to be quick-tempered. He thinks he is always right or is entitled and his temper is a means of getting his way. Just as we see in abusers, their anger is a way to control their situation. It is their way to create fear that the abuser may get his way. It comes from an evil heart.
Greed and Violence
The term for “violent” in Greek means “a pugnacious, contentious, quarrelsome person.” Translating it as “violent” does not capture it. Many who abuse power are not physically violent. But they are generally contenious and quarrelsome. Again, entitlement and arrogance sum it up. Being entitled and arrogant creates a pugnacious individual.
And they are self-serving – greedy. An attitude of service to others is corrupted when the motivation is to get rather than give. It is difficult to look out for the good of others when your own good is foremost in your heart.[Phil. 2:4]
We are all selfish. We are all wanting our own way. We each desire to be comfortable in our own way. But the character Paul is attributing to good leadership has, by the Holy Spirit’s sanctifying power, experienced a “dying to self” through the “mortification” (killing) of these motivations.
Hospitable, Lover of Good, Self-Control, Upright, Holy and Disciplined
Notice, each of the character traits that follow simply build upon these wonderful descriptions of a godly leader. The list provides both motivational and action character traits.
It is not acceptable to be just self-controlled when others are looking. Leaders can say the right things and even be quite amiable most of the time. However, each of these character traits have inward and outward results. Inward motivations will normally produce outward action. So, some of the traits Paul deliniates for Titus are in fact the outward results of an inner motivation.
He who is greedy will rarely be hospitable. It costs him too much.
He who is not a lover of good will rarely be self-controlled. His love of evil will drive foolishness.
Our Responsibility
Unfortunately, so many of our leaders in the church and Christian organization are mimicking the world’s leaders. Arrogant (narcissistic), violent, greedy for power, and unholy. They may put on a nice face but it is only an image they wish to market.
It is the responsibility of God’s people to choose wise and good leaders. It behooves congregations and boards to look more closely at applicants. It is wise of churches and organizations to do due diligence in the interview and vetting process.
Consider these options:
Gain access to and evaluate the applicant’s family relational dynamics.
Carefully interview those who have served under or beside the applicant.
May the church and Christian organizations raise up leaders who exemplify love and selflessness. May we feel like sitting at a brightly lit sidewalk cafe with a freshly brewed coffee in hand as we submit to these leaders.
The Allure of Toxic Leaders: Why We Follow Destructive Bosses and Corrupt Politicians–and How We Can Survive Them by Lipman-Blumen, Jean. Oxford University Press, 2004. [Get on Amazon]
Behind the Masks: Personality Disorders in Religious Behavior by Wayne Oates [Get on Amazon]
Broken Trust: a practical guide to identify and recover from toxic faith, toxic church, and spiritual abuse by F. Remy Diederich. Independently published, September 14, 2017. [Get on Amazon]
Character Assassins: Dealing with Ecclesiastical Tyrants and Terrorists by Peter Hammond and Brian Abshire. [Get on Amazon]
A Church Called Tov: Forming a Goodness Culture That Resists Abuses of Power and Promotes Healing by Scot McKnight, Laura Barringer, and Tish Harrison Warren. Carol Stream, Illinois: Tyndale Momentum, 2020. [Get on Amazon]
Churches That Abuse by Ronald M. Enroth. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1993. [Get on Amazon]
Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse: Creating Healthy Christian Cultures by Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys. SPCK, 2019. [Get on Amazon]
In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George K Simon, Ph.D. 2nd ed. Little Rock, AR: Parkhurst Brothers Publishers Inc, 2010. [Get on Amazon]
Narcissism in the Church: A Heart of Stone in Christian Relationships by David Orrison, PhD.. Independently published, January 10, 2019. [Get on Amazon]
Playing God: Redeeming the Gift of Power by Andy Crouch. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 2013. [Get on Amazon]
Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church by Diane Langberg. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Brazos Pr, 2020. [Get on Amazon]
Rising Above a Toxic Workplace: Taking Care of Yourself in an Unhealthy Environment by Gary Chapman, Paul E. White, and Harold Myra. Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 2014. [Get on Amazon]
Something’s Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse–and Freeing Yourself from Its Power by Wade Mullen and Diane Mandt Langberg. Tyndale Momentum, 2020. [Get on Amazon]
Twisted Scriptures: Breaking Free from Churches That Abuse by Mary Alice Chrnalogar. Revised. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2010. [Get on Amazon]
Unholy Charade: Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church by Jeff Crippen and Rebecca Davis. Justice Keepers Publishing, 2015. [Get on Amazon]
When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse by Chuck DeGroat and Richard J. Mouw. Downers Grove, Illinois: IVP, 2020. [Get on Amazon]
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft [Get on Amazon]
How difficult is it for Christian leaders to end well? I will try not to be too cynical.
Many years ago, I attended a young adults retreat. The speaker shared with the ragtag group of college students gathered at Fort Huachuka army base that the odds are against finishing well as Christians. I don’t remember the statistics, but the warning was clear. Many Christians start their walks with the Lord with passion but the worries and cares of the world turn their hearts over the years.
Among leaders the statistics may be even more discouraging. How many leaders who start with godly desires to lead with integrity end up toxic? I am pretty good at making up statistics but won’t here.
Asa, King of Judah
Asa, the king of Judah around the turn of the 9th Century BCE, began with a noble commitment to leading Judah under the authority of Yahweh. It is written in 2 Chronicles 14:1-12 that, “Asa did what was good and right in the eyes of the Lord his God.”
Asa, with great zeal, cleared out the worship of false gods in the land. Even the “high places,” locations of worship not sanctioned by the Lord, were taken down despite often apparently justified by Judah’s leaders as places making the worship of Yahweh more accessible.
Then, more than a million fighting Ethiopians came up against Judah and Asa sought the Lord to save Judah. He knew his strategizing and smaller army could not possibly defeat such a great force.
And Asa cried to the Lord his God, “O Lord, there is none like you to help, between the mighty and the weak. Help us, O Lord our God, for we rely on you, and in your name we have come against this multitude. O Lord, you are our God; let not man prevail against you.”
2 Chronicles 14:11
Asa recognized his need. He recognized he did not have the power. Asa recognized God was the One on Whom Judah needed to rely. He knew Yahweh in reality ruled Judah, not himself.
Those are not the responses of a toxic leader who must make all things abouthimself.
God, in response, saved Judah from the hand of Ethiopia. Scripture does not even tell us how. It simply states that “the Lord defeated the Ethiopians before Asa and before Judah, and the Ethiopians fled.”
A chapter later in 2nd Chronicles, a prophet came to Asa and further encouraged him to stay the good course. The prophet explained that Asa was unique among Judah’s kings as he had turned the nation to the Lord. He had led Judah well. Azariah not only encouraged Asa in his past leadership but exhorted Asa to continue:
The Lord is with you while you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will forsake you.
2 Chronicles 15:2
Keep it up, Asa. You can hear the tone of Azariah’s voice even. Go get ’em, Asa. Attaboy.
All that begins well…
But one chapter later, we see King Asa turning and the hand writing is on the wall.
The northern kingdom, Israel, determined to make Asa and his nation’s life miserable. Asa inexplicably turned elsewhere for help. He did not turn to the Lord despite Yahweh defeating the Ethiopian army, over a million strong, before his eyes.
What could have happened? Why did Asa turn to Syria when he had seen the Lord in action in a mighty way? Why did Asa not turn to the Lord who had proven Himself faithful when up against overwhelming odds before?
The words he would hear from a seer were not the encouraging words he heard before from Azariah.
Hanani, the seer, came to Asa king of Judah and said to him, “Because you relied on the king of Syria, and did not rely on the Lord your God, the army of the king of Syria has escaped you. Were not the Ethiopians and the Libyans a huge army with very many chariots and horsemen? Yet because you relied on the Lord, he gave them into your hand.”
2 Chronicles 16:7-8
This was bad. Judah would now be at war constantly the seer told him. Many lives would be lost because Asa refused to rely on the Lord, instead turning to men. Maybe Asa had a moment of weakness. All of us do. We all rely on ourselves or other men (women) at some point…often many points.
But it appears worse than that. Asa’s heart would be laid bare as he responds to Hanani.
Then Asa was angry with the seer and put him in the stocks in prison, for he was in a rage with him because of this. And Asa inflicted cruelties upon some of the people at the same time.
2 Chronicles 16:10
Not only does he punish the seer for telling him the truth, he turned on his own people. Scripture does not tell us what exactly Asa did to “some of the people” but it should be evident that his faithlessness had a deep impact on his leadership.
He would become toxic as he rejected God’s “headship” over his reign.
As he failed to love God, not trusting Him with leadership, he would fail to love man. He would become an abusive leader. This is the way of the toxic leader.
In Asa’s final years as King, he got some form of disease in his feet. Chronicles tells us that it became “severe.” What should have been his response? Unfortunately, it was not that. He did not rely on the Lord as he had early in his reign.
And Asa died.
It did not end well.
What are the lessons for leaders? Leaders need several things to keep them strong. And all of them are seen as weaknesses by the world:
Daily reliance on the Lord to mature and strengthen his leadership skills.
Daily recognition that the Lord is the true Leader of the organization or business or church…not him.
Reliance on subordinates to advise and challenge his failures.
Each of these requires humility. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and in His time He is the One who will exalt you.
And when exalted…remember where it came from.
To Africa On a Lark
a book by Pearls And Swine’s Editor
The editor of Global Missiology writes of To Africa On a Lark:. “extremely readable, with an easy to follow flow. The stories are quite engaging…The overall theme of cross-cultural adjustment, with the ‘razor’ image, comes through clearly.”
We have had a pandemic, wildfires, drought, political fights, and all manner of mahem it seems over the past six months. Add to those the almost unbearable failure of Christian leaders right and left.
Each of these leaders have portrayed toxic leadership characteristics for some time. But, in each case, they have continued to be held up as gifted and powerful Christian witnesses to the world by the evangelical church.
Gifting should not be the only standard we bear for the support of Christian leaders.
Yet, the horrific sin of these gifted leaders is often overlooked by those who follow them. And, unfortunately, as Jean Lipman-Blumen notes,
“These intriguing leaders first charm but then manipulate, mistreat, undermine, and ultimately leave their followers worse off than they found them.” 1
We are worse off in the end. No matter their gifting.
The church cannot think that all those gifts can overcome toxic, arrogant, self-centered leadership. It will all end. And, it will end in hurt. This rule of life is not established by their followers but by the God Who created His world and continues to rule it.
Ahab said to Elijah, “Have you found me, O my enemy?” He answered, “I have found you, because you have sold yourself to do what is evil in the sight of the LORD. Behold, I will bring disaster upon you. I will utterly burn you up, and will cut off from Ahab every male, bond or free, in Israel. And I will make your house like the house of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, and like the house of Baasha the son of Ahijah, for the anger to which you have provoked me, and because you have made Israel to sin. And of Jezebel the LORD also said, The dogs shall eat Jezebel within the walls of Jezreel.’ Anyone belonging to Ahab who dies in the city the dogs shall eat, and anyone of his who dies in the open country the birds of the heavens shall eat.”
1 Kings 21:20-24 (ESV)
Pretty harsh. The leaders of God’s people have a great responsibility. It is why those who desire to lead are both encouraged that it is a noble desire and instructed to be noble [1 Tim. 3:1, James 3:1, 1 Peter 5:1-4, Titus 1:7, etc].
And held to high standards.
One of the more recent failures was Jerry Falwell, Jr.. Falwell’s father has been held up as by some as a standard to which Junior did not achieve. But Cal Thomas wrote many years ago that Jerry Senior’s fundamental approach to the Moral Majority’s influence during its heyday was in wielding worldly power.2
This is the legacy that Falwell Jr. caught and bred at Liberty University.
According to Daniel Burke, “Karen Swallow Prior, a former professor at Liberty, said Falwell ruled the campus with virtually unchecked power.” Burke notes that Falwell was interested in creating an academically, financially, and athletically successful university. Not “to live a Christian life.” 3
Karen Swallow also said,
“There have been red flags for a long time…The kind of arrogance and authoritarian leadership that we experience as faculty was really just a symptom of this lifestyle that obviously was one in which he thought he could do anything and get away with it.”
It wasn’t Jerry’s job
Unfortunately for Jerry Jr., God balks at such callousness among those who claim Christ and lead His people. It matters not whether they lead a “Christian” organization or a business or non-profit entity. Those who claim Christ must also claim His life.
In the church we seem to have low standards for putting in leadership and high standards for removal from that leadership.
Many of the Christian leaders who have fallen from their lofty perches of late have been raising red flags for years. Those in their inner circles either were silenced or turned blind eyes to these leaders’ authoritarian, immoral, and arrogant leadership. Maybe, they overlooked their character while upholding their worldly giftedness.
Burke said, “Falwell Jr. likely assumed that as long as he kept Liberty rolling in money, no one would care much about his personal morality.”
When will it end? Not until Jesus returns to right every wrong and bring his broken and bruised people home. But until then, the church has the high calling of calling our leaders to account. God’s standards for leadership are very high and his standards for removal are actually quite low.
Honor professing Christian leaders who genuinely follow Christ [1 Tim. 5:17].
Take courage and remove those who do not [1 Tim. 5:20].
Notes:
1 Lipman-Blumen, Jean. The Allure of Toxic Leaders: Why We Follow Destructive Bosses and Corrupt Politicians–and How We Can Survive Them. Oxford University Press, 2004.
2 Thomas, Cal, and Ed Dobson. Blinded by Might. 2nd Edition. Grand Rapids, Mich: Zondervan, 2000.
Kelly Dehnert, Editor of Pearls and Swine, has written a book about his family’s life in Africa as missionaries. The book provides helpful insights to engaging other cultures.
Free Preview:
What others say about the book:
Historians study something called ‘movement’ — how one people group becomes a different people group simply by moving into another people group. The Dehnert tribe is a perfect microcosm of ‘movement’ – and we are all better for it. This book would be helpful for anyone considering cross-cultural service. For everyone else, especially we ‘experts,’ this book is a helpful lesson in humility – learning again the limits of our learning!
Rev. Sam McDonald Pastor, Faith Presbyterian – Brookhaven, Mississippi Former Missionary to Malawi
A fundamental character trait of good leaders is humility. However, many have experienced quite the opposite in their Christian organizations.
There seems to be a pervading sense of arrogance and hunger for power in our current culture, though I have no statistics to back it up nor do I know the heart of man. Though the business world has made great strides in the development of leadership models that emphasize a form of humility, the Christian community continues to struggle along with the world around them.
We continue to create more James MacDonalds, James Bakkers, Mark Driscolls, Bill Hybels, Jerry Falwell Jrs….etc.
There seems to be a love affair with leaders who thumb their noses at community and authority alike. They operate on the assumption that their way is always right and simply claim persecution when confronted.
My recent reading of Proverbs has given me a glimpse at the kind of people who should be in leadership in Christian organizations and the church. It is chock full of references to humility. And the Proverbs don’t pull punches.
Take for instance:
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.
Proverbs 12:1
Those who don’t respond to reproof – or criticism – are stupid. I have been on a crusade lately to rid our public discourse, and mine, of words like that. But that word certainly gets to the core of the problem. The leader (or anyone else) who refuses to listen to criticism – who blows off any discussion of how they may have failed – is stupid. They are hurting themselves and hurting others. They are failing to grow and become more what the Lord wants them to be.
Toxic leaders, that are being challenged, market it as persecution. They must retain their image. They must be “right.” But Proverbs has something to say about that:
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.
Proverbs 12:15 (ESV)
These people see themselves as right. A toxic leader will always see themselves as right. There is no humility that would mold their response to criticism. They can’t possibly be the one in the wrong.
Dan Allendar, a Chritian psychologist, has written many helpful books. One in particular, Bold Love, discusses the “scoffer.” Scoffer is a title given to a particularly evil person in the Proverbs.
All of us are capable of doing evil things, but evil people are driven by a self-interest that is so heartless, conscious, and cruel that it delights in stealing from others the lifeblood of their soul. Often the one who delights in evil is an ordinary, unassuming person who hides behind a facade of normalcy. Few people who are evil ever appear evil, even after the evidence of their deceit, destructiveness, and hardness is exposed.
Bold Love, page 233
These are the scoffers that Allendar describes.
A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.
Proverbs 13:1 (ESV)
Humility drives out self-interest. Humility answers a rebuke with…well, humility. Exhortation provides an opportunity for growth and community interconnectedness. Not power and self-interest. And in humility, the wise leader will hear it, seaking to grow as a leader and Jesus-follower.
Who are your heroes? Are they like Jesus or arrogant and power-hungry?
Let’s get on top of this. May the church nurture and hold up humble leadership.
Notes
Allender, Dan B., and Tremper Longman III. Bold Love. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 2014.
