How do I know I am working under a toxic boss?

Just as it is seen in domestic violence, abuse in the workplace sometimes is unrecognizable by those who are caught in the fray. As I have spoken with numerous parachurch employees, I have noticed that some continue to believe their boss is a sinner “just like” they are.

They attribute broken thoughts and feelings to their bosses that are similar to their own. They have self-awareness of their own failings, and they think all professing Christians are pretty much the same.

However, scripture does not suggest everyone is in the same boat in regards to their relational sin.

The Witness of Imprecatory Psalms

Have you ever read the “imprecatory Psalms?” Many Christians simply explain them away because they are uncomfortable with the “judgmentalism” found in them. Consider this section from Psalm 55:9-11.

Destroy, O Lord, divide their tongues;
for I see violence and strife in the city.
Day and night they go around it
on its walls,
and iniquity and trouble are within it;
ruin is in its midst;
oppression and fraud
do not depart from its marketplace.

Psalm 55:9-11

These are pretty strong words for King David. David raped Bathsheba. David ordered the murder of her husband.

Some commentators agree and suggest this kind of prayer was appropriate only for God’s anointed king or is just a stepping stone to more mature thinking.

However, I would agree with Geerhardus Vos, who suggests,

“The total destruction of evil . . . is the prerogative of the sovereign God, and it is right not only to pray for the accomplishment of this destruction, but even to assist in effecting it when commanded to do so by God himself.”[1]

Markers of Toxic

So, how do we identify a toxic boss? In my reading and years of interviews, I have found many helpful indicators of abusive behavior that are often common to both emotional abuse at home and in the office:

1. When discussing differences of opinion with subordinates, the boss exhibits very little approachability or humility.
2. The supervisor will rarely, if ever, admit failure, either in matters of sin or decision-making.
3. The boss lies about decisions he has made. Bacal says, “Decisions and direction can change suddenly and without apparent rationale.”[2]
4. The boss frequently manipulates his subordinates.
5. The boss frequently demeans or expresses anger at subordinates.
6. The boss isolates those who disagree with him by untruthfully suggesting coworkers of the employee are in agreement with the boss.
7. The boss takes credit for or discredits your work.

Depending on the consistency of some, or all, of these relational behaviors of the boss, the employee may determine, imperfectly, whether the supervisor is truly toxic. To establish if these behaviors are common to a boss, it is necessary to be in settings where the supervisor has the opportunity to act in these ways or the employee must have reliable information from others who have experienced them.

Once toxicity is determined it is time to consider what needs to be done. If you have gotten free from a toxic boss, tell us your story and how you have found healing.

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References

[1] Vos, Johannes Geerhardus. “The Ethical Problem of the Imprecatory Psalms.” The Westminster Theological Journal 4, no. 2 (May 1942).

[2] R. Bacal, “Toxic Organizations – Welcome To The Fire Of An Unhealthy Workplace.”

Over twenty years ago, my wife and I began considering how we could be used in the cross-cultural mission field. At that time, we thought we would venture oversees when I retired from teaching at the college level. However, we were presented with an opportunity to teach in a Christian college in a developing country.

We made the move.

We packed up a 40′ container. We sold everything else in an auction. And we traveled half way around the world to work until we needed to retire. It was exciting and overwhelming. My wife and I would both be teaching. Our children would attend a Christian school on campus. We were provided a lovely home. We worked with brothers and sisters in Christ with a common purpose.

We learned much about the culture . . . what we realized was a lifetime process. Everything was different; food, attitudes, government, church. As “Westerners” we just didn’t and really probably couldn’t truly get all the cultural differences. Quite frankly, it made it a great deal of fun as we were continually learning.

We also discovered when we arrived to begin work with the mission that the ministry belonged to the founders. Whenever there were concerns raised about the actions and attitudes of the founders, we would try to remember that the ministry belonged to the founders and, as such they could do what they wanted with it. When a fellow missionary approached us, seeking help with a relational problem with the leaders, we would simply say,

“The mission belongs to the leaders, so we just have to go along.”

After eight years of service to the mission, we began to question this perspective. If it is a work for the Lord, then isn’t it God Who is building the house? Therefore, isn’t it His ministry? Therefore, shouldn’t there be some accountability for the poor witness the leaders were displaying.

We were coming to understand our biblical theology better.

We found that God was very, very concerned about His people oppressing others. Much of God’s criticism of His people prior to sending them into exile was based on two things: idolatry and oppression. We began to make correlations between the oppression spoken of in the Old Testament and our leaders, who used their power to control, manipulate, and focus the attention on themselves.

They seemed drunk with the image they had created for themselves as pioneering missionaries and “suffering for the Lord.”

After realizing how destructive they were being to both the nationals and the missionaries that served under them, we determined we could no longer be part of the ministry. We realized the nationals actually saw us in the same light as the founders that we hoped that we were far from. When one student told us the ministry had “done more harm than good” we were particularly convicted that we needed to get out.

When we resigned, as had many before us, we decided that we needed to make clear to our fellow missionaries and staff that it was because of the leadership, seeking to bring some accountability to them that was missing.

We experienced a significant amount of “abuse” from the leadership over the final two months of work before leaving the country. Many missionaries wrote letters to the board to ask them to investigate the horrible treatment nationals and missionaries were receiving. But, there was never follow-up by the board.

The emotional and spiritual trauma (which also affected our health) has lingered for several years now. We have healed significantly, but continue to work to forgive the offenses of these professing brothers and sisters and believe it may be a lifetime process as we speak with others who have suffered abusive leadership.

We are thankful for the years we served, and see that God has used those experiences in the fire to give us a passion for those suffering under toxic leadership.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.

Isaiah 61:1-3 (NIV)