Tag Archives: Leadership

Kissing Up: Abusive Middle Managers

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Ahhh, the debt we have been forgiven.

It is an extraordinary thing what the God of the universe has done on our behalf. It is written all over the Bible and experienced by millions upon millions through the millennia.

The Middle-Manager

Jesus illustrated this reality in Matthew 18 when he told a parable (or story) of a middle-manager (MM), his boss, and a subordinate of his own. It is told in the language of a kingdom:

“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made.”
Matthew 18:23-25

Typical of that time was the practice of enslaving those who owed money to another. Once it was worked off, they would be free again.

However, in this situation, the story makes this an extreme case. 10,000 talents was worth approximately 6 to 13 billion dollars in wages in today’s economy. This “servant” was not going anywhere, anytime soon. He would be working a very long time to pay that off.

And yet, this is what happened:

So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.
Matthew 18:26-27

That is some kind of pity. It is meant to illustrate the kindness of God (the king) to his people as they turn to Him in faith and repentance.

The story goes on:

But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt.

Wow.

This is made particularly poignent because 100 denarii is worth only approximately100 days of ordinary wages (not CEO wages).

Yet, this MM, who had had the erasure of his debt of billions turns around and put his subordinate in prison for three months of wages.

However, there is justice:

When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Matthew 18:23-35

The Toxic Middle-Manager

What I want to point out, in the context of this blog, is the toxicity of this middle manager.

This isn’t actually an unusual stituation. It is common for those who abuse their power within organizations to completely snow their bosses—those who have authority over them—while beating up on their subordinates.

In Jesus’ parable, in the end the MM is found out as his fellow workers reported him to his “master” —boss. But that is often not what happens in the business or organizational setting.

Those who rise to the level of management normally have skills and abilities that make them attractive to management. But once they arrive, they must keep those who put them there convinced of their value and may manipulate the narrative quite effectively. The MM’s fellow workers or subordinates may report their toxicity, but the MM just spins the story to their advantage.

The MM’s boss simply thinks those under the MM are bitter or can’t stand the heat or are lazy or has authority issues . . . or whatever.

The toxic MM wins.

The Discerning Psychopath

Sometimes its that there is one or very few targets of the MM’s vile behavior.

They have chosen one individual—or a very few—of who to bully and create a workplace hell. Remember, abusive people are often rather discerning of who to pick on. The ones that are not are easily seen and move from job to job because their bosses recognize it. They are the ones who can’t get along with anyone.

But the discerning and manipulative ones are careful and often climb corporate (or church) ladders because of particular talents. These fool their bosses or boards and keep them solidly in their corner as the MM’s subordinates drag themselves into work each day to suffer the emotional violence of their toxic MM.

What’s the Remedy?

Firstly, depending on the manipulative ability of the toxic MM and the lack of understanding of their boss, there are more often than not NO remedies. There will continue to be departures of subordinates from the organization and church. It may be a slow trickle as the MM is very pointed in their attacks (few targets) making it difficult to identify, but in the long-term very destructive to the well-being of the organization.

On the other hand, there are a couple helpful, though not guaranteed, remedies for these toxic situations.

  • Bosses can be trained to identify toxic leadership.

Abuse is a different animal. Those who are abusers are different than others. But normally they don’t wear a different hat or wave a placard. We have to be trained to identify their behaviors and the behaviors of those who are responding to them.

Those behaviors are what provide the identifying characteristics of abuse, but are often mis-identified as common sin problems that take the common remedies such as confrontation, cajoling, and soft approach.

  • Subordinates may band together to bring reports.

Reports of abusive supervision can be ignored, minimized, and justified especially when there is a trickle of departures from the organization resulting in the “trickle” of reports.

Rather, it is helpful for subordinates in the know—those who have been targets or have been observant bystanders—to band together with either a large packet of individual reports or a common letter of complaint to management or HR. It is helpful for those with authority to see the common thread of abusive leadership.

This again, is not a guaranteed method for accountability. My own experience of more than 40 missionaries signing a letter asking for an investigation resulted initially in one missionary being called to come before the board which was handpicked by the abusive leader. You would think a letter like this would carrry more weight, however it was ten more years for real change to be made by the agency.

Much the same happened to David Rowe with Habitat for Humanity back in the 1980s. Despite 20 women coming forward to complain of sexual abuse by the founder, Millard Fuller, and three important ministry leaders confronting Fuller, the board was ultimately swayed by someone with greater influence in the organization—President Jimmy Carter—to overlook Fuller’s evil.

Courage

But these examples should not discourage those who wish to seek accountability for their abusive bosses. It can work and can be worth trying.

Be courageous.

MMs are likely to become the big cheese if they are not stopped in the middle position. Justice is important for all who will suffer under them in the future if they are not stopped now.

Jesus Was Given All Authority: So . . .

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The king sat down to his royal feast with some of his closest advisers. His power was felt by all who sat with him. Yet, the king knew that he was going to be betrayed by one of those advisers. His security service had uncovered the plot. He knew an overthrow of his kingdom was at hand.

So, what was he to do?

We know what we would do. We know what a “worldly” leader would do.

We would do everything possible to strengthen our claim to the throne. We would put down the rebellion before it had any chance to gain a foothold, knowing the traitor and his intent.

But Jesus . . .

But Jesus teaches leadership in a very different way by actions that are crazy by worldly standards. He took action and did the unthinkable.

This is what is said of Jesus on the last night he spent with his followers:

Go to Book Release: Toxic Leadership

Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. 2 During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray him, 3 Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, 4 rose from supper.
John 13:1-4a

At this point are you thinking, “Jesus summoned his followers to overwhelm Judas to stop his betrayal?” Put down the rebellion Jesus. Don’t allow this traitor to interfer with the good work you are doing.

But rather,

But rather, He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. 5 Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
John 13:4b-5

Washing the feet of his disciples was the pinnacle of serving them in that culture. Washing feet loses its importance in our culture where we wear socks and shoes everywhere and everything is paved or concrete. But in that culture, it was a continual task to keep feet clean where there weren’t shoes, but rather sandals, and there was dirt everywhere.

And feet cleaning was a messy task that was relegated to the lowest servants in the home (or palace).

What about you?

What does this say to you as a leader? Can you just sit with that story for a little bit and let it sink in.

Jesus is showing them that his way is the path of humble service not privileged greatness.

How can you serve your followers . . . rather than exercise authority over them like the world?
[Lection 365—August 4, 2026]

Verse 1 says, “He loved them to the end.” This was love. And Jesus loved until he was betrayed. Until they arrested Him. Until they found Him guilty of nothing. Until they beat Him.

Until He was hung on a cross—the most excrutiating punishment in the ancient world.

Because that was His goal and intent. His Kingdom was built through love and service and dying to self. Not through power and control. God’s absolute power and control has a purpose and that is in service to His Kingdom—His world. For His glory.

Crazy Making and Abusive Leadership: Who is Crazy Here?

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These thoughts came out of a very helpful discussion I had recently with some friends. I wanted to just get them down on paper—or at least 0s and 1s. Therefore this is pretty short . . .

As my friends and I discussed John 11, I was struck by verses 47 and 48. These couple of sentences are so appropriate for those who have faced abuse in any setting.

The term “Crazy-Making” is often used to describe this infuriating experience.

Jesus has just raised his friend, Lazarus from the dead—not your basic healing from a cold (though that is wonderful as well). Everyone knew Lazarus was dead and believed, apparently that Jesus could, or would have healed Lazarus when he was sick. But, are then distraught when Jesus didn’t come along at the right time.

However, Jesus proves without a doubt his diety and power and love through the raising of Lazarus from the dead. As the people noted in the passage, Lazarus was definately dead—he stunk. It was an incredible miracle.

And yet, this is what the chief priests and Pharisees said:

“What are we going to do since this man is doing many signs? If we let him go on like this, everyone will believe in him, and the Romans will come and take away both our place and our nation.”

“If we let him go on like this, everyone will believe in him.”

Well . . . yeah? Doesn’t it make sense that they would? And maybe you should too, religious leaders?

Making Crazy

What was discussed with my friends was that abusive leaders are just like this. They are stuck in their thinking. They are seemingly oblivious to truth . . . or intentionally so. When they are presented with the truth, they simply reject it and make crazy!

It makes those who suffer under their foolishness feel crazy. They are continually asking how the leaders could possibly reject the truth when it is so evident.

But, even worse, at some point, the victim of the leader’s attacks begins to wonder if they read it wrong, saw it wrong, or just got the whole situation wrong.

“Maybe, just maybe, the leader is just fine, but I am making this up?”

Crazy-making is very damaging to the emotional and spiritual health of the victim. The impact on their future ability to make decisions and thinking process is well-documented. Enough being told you are crazy or stupid or unable and you begin to believe it.

Feeling inadequate and expressing that sense of inadequacy by apologizing for each idea or statement is evidence of these experiences. Second-guessing every thought. Feeling like you cannot have a good plan or belief, because, well . . . you are crazy.

These experiences are important for both the advocate and victim to keep in mind as they navigate post (or even during) abusive leadership life. Knowing this is part of gaining back voice—being able to present ideas and plans and thoughts. It is part of gaining agency once again.

Victims—remember, you aren’t crazy. You do have good ideas, thoughts, and beliefs. They are val

Leadership Wisdom and Humility: God Chose What is Foolish in the World to Shame the Wise

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1st Corinthians 1 says so many things to leaders as well as subordinates in Christian organizations.

It speaks of calling and of wisdom and of foolishness and of power and of weakness and of arrogance—all of it which are related to leadership and those who follow.

First, 1:26 says that we are all “called” to be something different than what our world around us says we are. And that something is in a place of humility—

For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth.

Wisdom to the world around is about power and self-satisfaction. But our calling from the God Who rules over the universe is one of humility. Our wisdom is not found in our worldly birth such as place of importance in an important family or corporation or any other worldly place of power.

Rather we are called to wisdom found in recognizing our humble place before God and man.

The Apostle Paul goes on to say that God does not call us because of those worldly standards of importance—strength, position of power, standing in our community. In fact, He shames those who think they are wise by the world’s standards through His “foolish” actions according to those same world’s standards.

But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.

This is exemplified in particular through Jesus Christ who, despite being the One true Ruler, was willing to place Himself in those “powerful rulers” to be murdered. How foolhardy is that?

But because God has all the wisdom knew what that meant for His creation—a renewal so far reaching we cannot fathom it. He used what was seemingly foolish to bring about the greatest project of wisdom ever: the saving of His people and of His creation.

All of this getting up in the face of an arrogant world is intended to show that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

Leadership?

What does that have to say to your leadership?

Wisdom to lead well must be found in God’s principles. This is why I write this blog. I want to continually challenge all who think leadership is a matter of power and worldly wisdom.

The true wisdom that is found in psychology, business management, or any leadership training text is wisdom that is fundamentally exemplified in the LORD. And there are many, many principles that are indeed found in those areas of study that have their place in Scriptural leadership. In fact, those principles are sometimes more clearly deliniated in those halls of academia than in some churches.

Because, sometimes the church falls hook, line, and sinker for worldly wisdom that has no power.

1 Corinthians 1:26-31 (ESV) For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29 so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30 And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31 so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

The Hope of New Creation for Leadership

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It is rare that I speak of good leaders.

That is because I am passionate about helping those under bad (toxic) leadership. Though a portion of my seminary training was looking at good leadership in the church, it was my own experience of bad leadership that formed my work for these past 13 years.

Today, however I am looking forward to Easter—which comes tomorrow. I have rarely written about this particular calendar day for the church.

But this year is different. I have been in a study of the New Heavens and New Earth of late and, though I have focused on this theological concept before, it has been a wonderful reminder of our place in this world.

And it has great implications for leadership.

I am neck deep in four writing projects that have developed especially over the past year and a half. Some of these have been focusing on the hopelessness of truly toxic leadership. These are leaders that absolutely will not respond to any kind of normal remedies: education, confrontation, counseling, etc.

What do we do with them?

Easter.

New Creation

Because Easter means New Creation.

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.”

Revelation 21:5 (ESV)

This is found almost at the very end of Scriptures as Jesus encourages the church through the Apostle John that there is something so great, marvelous, and extraordinary on the horizon that no amount of man’s rage against the machine can alter it.

When Jesus comes again, there will be justice, righteousness, and mercy. The words prior to verse five give us a beautiful picture:

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:1-4 (ESV)

What beauty. It brings peace and joy to my soul.

But, lest we become so enthralled by this future event described for us, we need to realize that when Jesus came and walked this earth the first time 2000 years ago, He ushered in this new creation in the form of His Kingdom for now.

In Matthew 6:10 Jesus tells his disciples to pray for God’s Kingdom to come to earth just as it is in heaven now! Jesus said the Kingdom of God was at hand. It is here and now as Jesus walked about as its King. As Jesus roamed about, healing the sick, raising the dead, and proclaiming Good News to the captives, the Kingdom was and is here.

This is extraordinary news. It gives meaning to everything we do so that the Apostle may say, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

All Things New

In essence what Scripture says is that all things are new. Because Jesus came and was raised from the dead, all things are new.

The implications for leadership is that it is new. All that was taught by Jesus and his Apostles to His disciples 2000 years ago about leadership—about not lording it over, treating subordinates harshly, or welcoming even a slave back as if he is no longer owned—is a picture of this newness.

We aren’t born with this newness, I am afraid. It comes from a radical alteration of our very being as Jesus explains to Nicodemus—You must be born again!

So too, a toxic leader can become new. Despite the seeming hopelessness, a deeply damaged leader can become a new leader—just as Jesus’ body was altered dramatically through resurrection, so too leaders may be transformed through resurrection.

Those of us who have suffered under these leaders need to pray for this alteration in these leaders. We need to ask that the Lord will transform them radically—for that is the only way it will happen. And though I have heard of few instances, I have heard of those who came to the foot of the cross and were changed in the blinding of Jesus’ light.

If you are a toxic leader, use this time of commemoration to bow at the foot of the cross, receiving the new creation, and turning from your destruction.

The Effective Leader: Temperance, Empathy, and Humility

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A friend of mine says, “Leadership is easy when things are easy. But real leadership happens when things are difficult.”1

It is in those challenging times that the real heart of the leader becomes evident. All sorts of airs can be put on when everyone is getting along, the production is going strong, relationships are amicable.

However, when the leadership is challenged or anxiety in the organization is high—then leadership becomes. . . leadership.

Seven Sentences

Paul, in his letter to the Roman church, provides in seven (English) sentences a beautiful summation of how all people are to engage others—and how leaders should understand their own approach to leadership.

Paul says,

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Romans 12:14-18 (ESV)

There are three character traits invaluable to the leader’s ministry to others:

  • Temperance.
  • Empathy.
  • Humility.

Temperance

The first thing Paul says, and similarly two other times, is to be peaceful.

This goes against so much of what is touted of leadership. Leaders are often expected to be brash, bold, uncompromising, and aggressive. Our political leaders have raised the rhetoric of leadership to new heights of anger, arrogance, and falsehood. Many tout such behavior as “leadership”.

It gets attention and many leaders now think this is appropriate, and even good.

However, Paul says in four different ways that we are not to fight back against those who criticize, live in harmony, and be at peace.

There are times when criticism comes that needs an answer. Scripture is also concerned with truth-telling and accuracy of information (not bearing false witness). And this is why we can say that Christians are not to be doormats—seeking peace does not always mean giving in.

But the leader needs to carefully weigh the wisdom in responding to attacks from subordinates or their stakeholders. And particularly, he/she needs to weigh his/her words carefully to be sure they are full of grace. Often what is taken as persecution is really just well-aimed criticism that is hard to take.

Leaders must always remember that those attacking—or simply exhorting—are bearers of the image of God. As such, they should be treated with care, respect, and honor.

The biblical expectation of the leader is to be “sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable . . . not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome” (1 Timothy 3:2-3) as Paul explains to Timothy regarding Elders in the church. These are all words that describe a temperate person—one who is not easily riled.

I remember hearing of a 19th Century preacher who when it was suggested he stand up against the unmerited attacks of others—which he didn’t—said, “If they really knew how bad I am it would be even worse.”

Here was a temperate leader.

Empathy

Empathy has been attacked by Christian and non-Christian alike as an inadequate way to engage others while they are suffering. Being empathic may squelch saying what might need to be said.

However, Christians cannot jump on that bandwagon. Though there are cautions, Scripture is replete with examples of empathic engagement (see 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 especially). Paul says here, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

The point of that little statement is to encourage feeling what the other is feeling. “Rejoice” is an heart attitude. It is an emotion. Weeping comes from the heart as well. These are both emotions based on the emotions of the person with whom we are engaging.

The leader—and all of us—are called to empathize with those under our oversight. If we do this we will refrain from trying to “control” the person in unhelpful ways. It will help the leader consider carefully his responses, policies, and care for his subordinates.

Humility

In the middle of verse 16, Paul takes a shot at arrogance. He says,

“Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.”

Remember when in elementary school someone who associated with poor and unpopular kids would be derided? The disdain heaped upon the poor kid would be directed at those who would give aid or comfort?

The Christian leader is called to take special care of those who are on the bottom rungs of their social ladder. It takes additional effort for those in high positions to do this.

And it takes a humble view of self.

All a leader needs to do is recognize his equal place before God among all, what he may consider, the riff-raff of life (Galatians 3:28) . In God’s reality, the leader is of no greater importance than the lowest paid, least esteemed subordinate in his organization.

Just a look at one’s heart should help humble the leader. He may outwardly gain all sorts of notoriety, but when considering his own failures—that no one sees—he should be able to humbly engage those down the ladder.

Learn from the World?

Leaders tend to learn from the world. The world might teach arrogance, control, and manipulation. But the Christian leader has a higher calling.

God calls you to temperance, empathy, and humility.

NOTES

  1. Dr. Anders Örtenblad, Professor of Working Life Science, University of Agder, Norway.  ↩︎

James and Oppression 1: Murderous Words

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The book of James in the Bible is full of teaching on the abusive heart.

Though it speaks generally to all people, it also has specific value for leaders—those with formal or informal power over others.

After providing a beautiful and life-changing discussion on how to persevere under trials, James begins to delve into the heart of oppressive behavior. The warning shot comes in verse 19 of the first chapter:

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

“Angry” is often a descriptive term for those who are abusive of others. Though anger is not normally at the heart of the abusive leader’s problem—rather entitlement and control—it is a means and method for achieving these desires of the abuser.

This one sentence written by James, the brother of Jesus Christ, is antithetical to anger.

Listen.

Wait.

Be right.

A leader who fails to listen to others is not producing “the righteousness of God.” He has his own views, rights, and privileges in mind, not the good of others or the organization he serves. Listening to others implies truly hearing what they have to say and giving them the respect they deserve as God’s image bearers.

This can be applied as well to the leader who seemingly listens to and yet ignores his subordinates. The term “hear” means “to attend to, consider what is or has been said.” Again, is he giving honor to those who serve at his behest? Hearing means truly listening . . . no just acting like it.

Hypocrisy

James goes on in this same passage to challenge those who are wrapped up in a “Christiany” image but are in fact hypocrites. They put on an act of being Christian by spouting biblical sounding speeches, but in fact do not actually live those same words in their daily lives and leadership:

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. 24 For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. [James 1:22-24]

These “Christian” leaders appear to hear the words of God but immediately turn away from them in their daily life. They are surrounded by the Word of God—in the organization masthead, organization chapels, staff meetings, church partnering—but it is all just window-dressing. Often the leader is more concerned about funding the organization than he is about following Christ “whether he eats or drinks, or whatever he does.”

So, he speaks a good line that sounds Christian for all the donors and likely the staff, but his heart is really far from it.

Out of the Mouth

In verse 26, James brings the tongue back into the discussion:

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. 27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

James takes a hard stance against the evil that comes out of the mouth. It comes back over and over again.

Much of our “behavior” —outward actions—is how we speak to and about others. Just as James says, our tongues are fires (James 3:5), ready to accomplish our scorched earth policies.

Does the leader think of himself, and even defend himself as a good Christian? Does he see himself as religious—after all, he runs a Christian organization or goes to church regularly, maybe even is a Sunday school teacher, or fills the pulpit periodically.

James says, if he “does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.“

In chapter three James goes on with further criticism of those who use the tongue abusively:

For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing.

Deadly Poison

“Deadly poison.” Strong words. James shows the incomprehensibility of those who claim to love Christ and yet “curse” others. The Greek term καταράομαι (curse) means to “curse, doom, imprecate evil upon” someone else.

As poison it hurts and kills. Though sticks and stones can break our bones, cursing others is murderous. It destroys the emotional and spiritual health of others. It often destroys other’s relationship with the Lord having come from a “Christian” leader.

James, by inspiration of the Holy Spirit, gets the harm abusive words cause.

The hypocrisy of those who lead a Christian organizations—or any other organization for that matter—claiming to be a follower of Christ and yet behaving with a pattern of abusive language is beyond comprehension.

Appropriately, James has the strongest words for those who tear down others with their words—words that should give life and hope to others.

Do you take seriously the words that come from your mouth. Do you stop. Listen. And then respectfully hear the words of those under your formal or informal authority? If you continually justify yourself, you need to delve deeper into your heart.

Abusive leadership is a pattern of behavior that tears down others and it is so often with words—even words that sound Christian.

Jealousy and Leadership: A Toxic Mix

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Narcissism is found on a continuum. That means that there are those with extensive narcissism and those with little self-interest. Everyone else is found between those extremes. Most of us live in that neighborhood . . . not classified as narcissistic but having a self-interest that is rotten and hurtful.

That self-interest provides many opportunities, maybe even daily, to covet the skills and gifting others have. For the leader who considers his authority questioned whenever another human being in his orbit receives accolades for his or her skills, the temptation to not only covet but attempt control over that gifted one is a problem.

In the Bible book of Numbers there is a story that is a good example of leadership and a bad one as well.

Israel has broken free from Egypt where they were enslaved. Moses, whom God chose to lead the nation out of Egypt, is challenged to squash the gifts of others.

So Moses went out and told the people what the LORD had said. He brought together seventy of their elders and had them stand around the tent. 25 Then the LORD came down in the cloud and spoke with him, and he took some of the power of the Spirit that was on him and put it on the seventy elders. When the Spirit rested on them, they prophesied —but did not do so again.

Numbers 11:24-30 (NIV)

This in itself could have been a temptation for Moses. Seeing the LORD bless others with gifting, in essence giving them attention like Moses had received as a leader.

In my world of constant leadership failures, my first thought is I can’t believe Moses would actually shared “the power of the Spirit that was on him” with these other men. That is shocking enough, but the passage goes on:

However, two men, whose names were Eldad and Medad, had remained in the camp. They were listed among the elders, but did not go out to the tent. Yet the Spirit also rested on them, and they prophesied in the camp. 27 A young man ran and told Moses, “Eldad and Medad are prophesying in the camp.” 28 Joshua son of Nun, who had been Moses’ aide since youth, spoke up and said, “Moses, my lord, stop them!”

So, what would you do in this situation?

Joshua, whose name you may recognize, showed support and dedication to his leader, Moses. Joshua would go on to lead Israel in the future conquest of the promised land. He was a great leader of Israel.

However, at this point in his discipleship as a leader, he is a toxic follower. And Moses knows it. Joshua, rather than encouraging godly leadership that refuses to bend its knee to the gods of pride and entitlement, seeks to show Moses how devoted he is to Moses as the “big man.”

Moses refuses to follow the temptation of the big man.


But Moses replied, “Are you jealous for my sake? I wish that all the LORD’s people were prophets and that the LORD would put his Spirit on them!” 30 Then Moses and the elders of Israel returned to the camp.

He recognizes that His LORD is the true giver. And when He gives to his people, we should rejoice in the gifts He gives. Even if it means we are not seen as such a big man anymore.

It is a hard lesson for leaders . . . and every person who seeks to follow Christ in their leadership. It takes heart change. Jealousy of God’s blessing on others is much more common in our hearts than we want to admit—I certainly don’t want to, but it is there.

But that is a deep dive each of us needs to take if we are to be the leaders—and even just people—God wants us to be.

We will continue to fall, but our sanctification is a calling we are given. And leaders owe it to their subordinates.

The Golden Rule: How Can Leaders Interpret it Accurately?

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Anders Örtenblad, Professor of Working Life Science in the Business school of University of Agder, and I have been developing a friendship over the past several months.

In a recent conversation he challenged me with his thoughts regarding the “Golden Rule” especially as it applies to leadership.

The Golden Rule is found in Matthew 7:

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

Matthew 7:12 (ESV)

No matter your background, you have likely heard this maxim used. It is simple, to the point, and can be helpful in determining a course of action that is selfless.

However, his suggestion to me was whether it should actually be interpreted to mean “do unto others what they would want done to them.” It certainly piqued my interest.

He shared with me an article that had been written by business management researchers that argued this very thing.

After a bit of introduction, Alyson Van Hooser, wrote,

What I am finding is that many leaders do treat employees the way they themselves want to be treated…they communicate with them the way they themselves would want to be communicated with, they offer employee benefits that they themselves would want, they create products and services they want or would have wanted at their life stage, and so on.1

She suggests that this is the wrong way to approach the Golden Rule. Leaders should be applying the Golden Rule rather to treat those under their leadership the way the employee wants to be treated. So, she writes,

Communicate with them the way they want to be communicated with. Offer them the benefits and perks that they want. Engage and empower them in the way that will inspire them to stay longer and perform better. 

Is it Biblical?

Is this a biblical way to look at the Golden Rule?

I am certainly uncomfortable with changing God’s Word to fit my ideas. So, we need to look at it from a biblical view.

First of all, the Golden Rule, though separated by paragraph and even heading in the ESV translation, is part of the paragraph before. It really should not be separated. This is what Jesus says right before giving the Golden Rule:

Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? 11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

Matthew 7:9-11 (ESV)

Jesus’ point here is to show that God knows exactly what we want and he uses a father (or mother) as an example. The normal parent would give “good gifts” to their child. So, imagine God, the ultimate good parent, giving bad gifts to His children. That is inconceivable. God can be counted on to always give the best gifts to His children.

Keeping that in mind then, the point of this entire passage is that—applying it to leadership—the leader should consider what is very best for his or her employees. That is not so much determined by what the leader would like as much as what will be most beneficial to the employee.

The Golden Rule is Jesus’ closing argument. It is making clear that since we generally look out for ourselves in this life, a simple solution to determining how to treat others is do to them what we naturally do for ourselves—and that is give good gifts.

That is Jesus’ point.

Applied

Ultimately, a leader should be encouraging the development and use of the employee or church member’s God-given gifts and talents. This is always beneficial to the organization or church, but ultimately it is biblically and morally required (Ephesians 4:11-12).

Purchase the Bible Study

But note, the motive behind doing for others what you or they would want done is not to get the most out of them. This is where I struggled with the article.

Alyson noted that empathy is key to knowing what your subordinate really wants (needs) and this was a positive ideal. However, she also tended to focus on doing to them to get from them— “more engagement, improved morale, increased loyalty, fewer communication issues, better performance.”

As you give good gifts with the purpose of getting the recipient to do something for you, the disengenuity of it will create cynicism on the part of the subordinate. In the long run it will result in disloyalty, disengagement, and lower morale, the very things the leader is trying to overcome.

The subordinate will see through the leader’s act and recognize his or her selfishness and lack of real love.

Genuine Concern

Therefore, what the leader should really try to do is give good gifts to his subordinates because he desires to treat them the way God wants him to treat them and because he is genuinely concerned for their well-being.

This is the true and good use of empathy and true and good practice of the Golden Rule.

NOTES:

  1. ‘Why Leaders Should Rethink the Golden Rule – Van Hooser Leadership’, 2023 <https://vanhooser.com/why-leaders-should-rethink-the-golden-rule/> [accessed 4 March 2025]
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How Toxic Leaders Respond to Strength: Toxic Leadership Goes from Bad to Worse

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Threatened.

The toxic leader will be threatened by the slightest show of strength from subordinates. This was the story of the new king of Egypt in the time following the death of Joseph.

As a little background, Joseph, the son of Jacob, had been taken as a slave from his family to Egypt—that is a whole story in itself. Through a variety of amazing circumstances directed by the Lord, Joseph’s ability to read the dreams of others came to the attention of the king.

Having read the king’s troubling dreams, the king appointed Joseph to oversee the nation’s food supply. The king had dreamed (symbolically) of seven years of abundance followed by a seven-year drought. God gave Joseph incredible wisdom that saved the Egyptian nation and many surrounding nations through his wise management of their agriculture.

Joseph’s family—God’s people—moved to Egypt during this time and were given good land to farm by the king. The “Israelites” grew in numbers and after Joseph died, Exodus 1:8-11 picks up the story:

Now there arose a new king over Egypt, who did not know Joseph. 9 And he said to his people, “Behold, the people of Israel are too many and too mighty for us. 10 Come, let us deal shrewdly with them, lest they multiply, and, if war breaks out, they join our enemies and fight against us and escape from the land.” 11 Therefore they set taskmasters over them to afflict them with heavy burdens. They built for Pharaoh store cities, Pithom and Raamses.

Exodus 1:8-11 (ESV)

You have to the ask the question, “Why would the king think the Israelites would join Egypt’s enemies and fight against them?” Egypt had proven to be a good place to work and raise their families. The Israelites were prospering because of the former Pharoah’s (king) kindness to them.

Why, Why, Why

However, it appears that the Israelites were already in the grips of the Egyptians. They did not appear to be equals in their citizenry. The king (and the other Egyptians) appeared to have power over these foreign people. This is evidenced by the fact the king could set “taskmasters over them to afflict them with heavy burdens.”

This new Pharaoh would prove in the story to be a toxic leader.

The Egyptian king had the ability to rule over them in a toxic way and chose to do so. So, he chose to take toxic control. An average leader might consider how to woo his subordinates. Not the Egyptian king. . . nor a toxic leader of any sort.

Robert Hare wrote,

There is a class of individuals who have been around forever and who are found in every race, culture, society and walk of life. Everybody has met these people, been deceived and manipulated by them, and forced to live with or repair the damage they have wrought.1

If you know the story, you know that Exodus goes on to describe the destruction wrought by the king in the lives of the Egyptians and the subsequent judgments God brought upon the nation of Egypt because of the king’s horrific toxicity. As Hare notes, the Egyptians were “forced to live with or repair the damage [the king had] wrought.”

This is the way of toxic leadership. The destruction a narcissistic or abusive leader causes can be far-reaching and long-lasting. But generally, it is people in the organization, nation, business, or church that have to, in the end, live with it or try to repair it.

And it gets worse

Barbara Kellerman, the Founding Executive Director of the Harvard Kennedy School’s Center for Public Leadership, wrote of the common direction these toxic leaders go; down. It only gets worse. There is example after example. It is extremely rare that a bad leader becomes good. Rather their slippery slope is all downhill.

Kellerman tells the story of Volkswagen’s former CEO, Martin Winterkorn.

The effect of Winterkorn’s bad leadership was cumulative. The longer it lasted, the higher the cost to everyone adversely affected. Volkswagen’s cheating was not a single, quickly aborted instance of wrongdoing, never to be repeated. It was the opposite. It went on for eight years, the price paid by the victims of Volkswagen’s wrongdoing escalating with each passing day.2

But this should not surprise us as Christians. Sin is crouching at the door (Gen. 4:7) and without the intervention of Christ, it goes generally from bad to worse.

There are people who are truly driven by evil as Dan Allender describes (and it only gets worse):

All of us are capable of doing evil things, but evil people are driven by a self-interest that is so heartless, conscious, and cruel that it delights in stealing from others the lifeblood of their soul. Often the one who delights in evil is an ordinary, unassuming person who hides behind a facade of normalcy. Few people who are evil ever appear evil, even after the evidence of their deceit, destructiveness, and hardness is exposed.3

Keeping Clean of Defilement

It is difficult to watch the masses follow after narcissistic and abusive leaders in any organizational setting. They might think the leader holds some values they hold or promote some policies they promote. So, they think those positive traits will keep the followers clean of defilement. But, that is not how it works.

The followers of the Egyptian king suffered much the same from God’s judgment as did the king. The plagues that devastated Egypt crushed its people. In fact, it is likely that the only plague that fully affected the king was the death of his firstborn. As the king, he was likely above many of the affects of the other plagues.

Let this story be a challenge to leaders who are tempted to gain control through strength or manipulation. And let is be a challenge to followers who think they are somehow exempt from the damage such leaders bring.

Notes

  1. ‘This Charming Psychopath’, Psychology Today, http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199401/charming-psychopath, accessed 18 March 2016.
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  2. Kellerman, Barbara, Leadership from Bad to Worse: What Happens When Bad Festers, Oxford University Press (2024)
    (pp. 82-83). ↩︎
  3. Allender, Dan B., and Longman III, Tremper, Bold Love (Colorado Springs, CO, 2014) 233.
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