Category Archives: Accountability

Making a Difference: Research that is Boots on the Ground in Dracula’s Neighborhood

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Spending time with researchers on “bad leadership” from around the world this past week was a helpful, eye-opening, and an enjoyable experience.

Anders Örtenblad and Horia Moașa gathered us from nearly 20 countries to discuss and present research findings on bad leadership. The gathering— “The Dracula Conference on Bad Leadership” —was held at the University of Transylvania (yes, there is a real place called that) in Brașov, Romania.

“Dracula” —given that name by Irish novelist Bram Stoker—was actually Vlad the Impaler, a former ruler in the Transylvania region of Romania, a picturesque location in the mountains of Romania.

Count Dracula & Grey Leadership

Vlad was actually a hero to Romanians as a law and order guy who also repelled the Ottoman army from the Romanian homeland. He was also rather ruthless.

This distinction was a model to some researchers who are looking at bad leadership from the subjective eye-of-the-beholder perspective. Some see Vlad as evil (mostly those of us who only know him from Irish novelist Stoker’s vantage point—Dracula the blood-sucking vampire), but others see him as a hero.

Therefore, Dracula (or Vlad) is the perfect model for the “grey” leader (vs. dark) for some researchers.

These researchers see bad leaders as having redeemable qualities.

However, as one well-known researcher who has been at the forefront of bullying in the workplace research for 30 years or more (in Norway), noted to me as we gazed up at Dracula’s castle on an outing, “This is a dangerous perspective.” This perspective can end up giving a free pass to leaders because they do “some good.”

I have watched destructive or toxic leadership consistently end badly.

This runs counter to seeing bad leaders as being both good and bad. Maybe we can see the “good” they have done whether in policies put in place or actions taken, but suggest, “I know he isn’t a good person.” We may be hesitant to classify any leader as truly toxic. We don’t want to stigmatize leaders.

I understand this view and appreciate the optimism.

But truly toxic leadership always ends badly.

This is a type of leadership distinguished by a lack of humility to see and respond to their own failings. Yes, there are “grey” leaders who might be too harsh or somewhere along the line of narcisissm, but they respond to confrontation with thoughtfulness and a willingness to work on their leadership skills. We need the research in this area, because real change can be made.

But “toxic leadership” does not possess this humility and is a different animal. So we need to be able to discern between the two.

Toxic leader’s destruction of relationships, near and far, is too great to ignore. I can (almost) guarantee through empirical evidence, and a large range of research, that leadership that is not humble or responsive to confrontation for mistakes made by them will end in greater destruction than any positive outcomes their compliant followers attribute to them.

Boots on the Ground

This brings me to the “boots on the ground” part of this blog’s title.

It was suggested that we pay attention to the practitioners of toxic leadership—those who are living in the spaces where toxic leadership takes place and are learning from empirical evidence, maybe more so than from written research.

Much of what I have learned about toxic leadership has been in the area of abuse in the home (domestic violence) from engagement with those who have suffered from it.

When I shared with one new friend at the conference that my entry to this field was through a combination of domestic violence and leadership abuse they noted that researcher Bennet Tepper made the same connection nearly 30 years ago. There was pushback at that time, according to this researcher, because Tepper had not made the connection (through research) clear between domestic violence and leadership abuse dynamics. He largely took it for granted supposedly.

In my 10 years of interviews and research, there is no doubt whatsoever that there is a very clear connection between the dynamics and psychology of abuse in the home and workplace. It is for that reason that I nearly always connect the two in my own writing. Much of my early research was specifically in domestic violence as I sought to understand what and why toxic leaders were thinking and acting the way they did.

This connection is not to say that an abuser in the home also abuses in the workplace. That is not the connection I am making. It is that the intent of the leader in the workplace and the abuser in the home is the same: (S)he believes (s)he is entitled to be at the top of the pecking order and controls others in order to maintain that position.

The tactics these abusive individuals use may be different at home and in the workplace, but those tactics have the same goal. Therefore, it is helpful to study domestic violence to understand workplace abuse.

It is Wicked

Getting back to the earlier part of this blog, the abusive partner or leader’s perspective is wicked and evil. It is self-centered, selfish, and oppressive to those under their thumb.

If you spend any time with boots on the ground or have spent any time as the target of an abusive leader, you will at least to some degree understand how truly wicked it is. The stories of illnesses—physical, emotional, and spiritual—created by these leaders should stop anyone from making light of it or suggesting toxic leadership is in any way “grey.”

We must make a distinction between these types of leadership.

Insolent Opponents: Can Toxic Leaders Change?

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Like in domestic abuse research, there is debate as to the malleability of abusive people in leadership.

I would guess that in most people’s experience, there is little hope for such change.

In my own experience and stories that I have heard, there is little expectation for transformation in abusive leadership. In fact, I am presently in the midst of a book research project that focuses on those cases where the leader is fully entrenched in his toxic leadership.

However, in leadership research, there is article after article describing remedies to “bad” leaders. There have indeed been leaders who were toxic and yet were transformed apparently by these various remedies.

Malleability

It leaves us with a question: What does it take for an entitled, self-centered, abusive individual to transform from the ugly duckling into a prince—sorry, those are probably two different stories.

Scripture describes some of these leaders:

Answer not a fool according to his folly,
lest you be like him yourself.
5 Answer a fool according to his folly,
lest he be wise in his own eyes.
Proverbs 26:4-5 (ESV)

“Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.”
Matthew 7:6 (ESV)

Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse,
and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury.
Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you;
reprove a wise man, and he will love you.
Proverbs 9:7-8 (ESV)

Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out,
and quarreling and abuse will cease.
Proverbs 22:10 (ESV)

These passages present hopeless situations and if you listen to the stories of those who have suffered under toxic leadership—you can find many of those stories on this site—you will hear that hurt and anquish of hopelessness. It is frustrating, infuriating, and crushing to face such deeply entitled and arrogant people.

There really is no hope . . .

but for the grace of God.

God’s Grace

What follows is not a call to just give these leaders a break—live with their injustices—but in fact a recognition that our holding them accountable may be an important part of their change, not just our safety.

The Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy around 65 AD. Timothy was pastoring a church in Ephesus and Paul was his mentor.

Near the beginning of his first letter to Timothy, Paul describes his own background. It is for the purpose of encouraging Timothy that the Lord of heaven and earth is working in people to transform them—even the worst of sinners as Paul describes himself (1 Timothy 1:15).

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, 13 though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, 14 and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15 The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.
1 Timothy 1:12-15 (ESV)

Paul was a mean guy. He was driven by a toxic form of religion to destroy rather than to build. He took Phariseeism to a new height of noxiousness. Whereas many Pharisees saw themselves as above everyone else—more knowledgeable, wise, and powerful—Paul took it on the road to destroy those who were lesser . . . specifically those who named the name of Christ.

Insolent Opponent

Paul uses a particular term in this passage that sets him apart from other people— “insolent opponent.”

This term (ὑβριστής) means, an “insulter, maltreater, despiteful, injurious, uplifted with pride, either heaps insulting language upon others or does them some shameful act of wrong” (Strongs Dictionary).

Pretty harsh words. And yet, they are not spoken of someone else. They are Paul’s words for Paul. He was that man.

Clearly, he is a changed man. Of course, he is still sinful and describes that experience in depth in Romans 7. Despite having been an arrogant, driven, noxious individual, he is now humble and recognizes his sinfulness and is driven to follow Christ fully.

How did that come about?

Easter for Paul

Easter came for Paul on the road to Damascus. In Acts 9, Paul comes face to face with the Lord whom he is persecuting.

It is an amazing story both for its miraculous content, but for the beauty of its results.

The Bible says that Paul was blinded by a light from heaved and fell down. He then heard, “Saul, Saul [his name was changed later to Paul], why are you persecuting me?”

Paul, in his incredulity, asked, “Who are you, Lord?” And so the Lord introduced Himself to Paul. The same Paul that spoke a good line about following God—may that in itself be a lesson to us.

Though Paul had his eyes open, he was unable to see anything, so he was led into Damascus and told by the Lord to go to see a certain follower of Jesus.

There is so much more to the story, but the results of this amazing encounter is that Paul, a toxic leader of the first century, was transformed by the Lord.

I am sorry that the statistics do not give a lot of hope for us as we pray and pray that our abusive leader be changed. However, we should always hold out hope that while man cannot be changed, the Lord can change man. The resurrection makes that possible and most who are reading this have likely had that same experience—though maybe not being blinded and spoken to from the clouds.

So, as we face off with our toxic leaders, we call upon the Lord and we seek accountability. The Lord brought accountability to Paul—He knocked Paul on his rear, if I may be so crass. So, the Lord calls us to knock these leaders on their rears that maybe they will face a reckoning with Jesus.

The Hope of New Creation for Leadership

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It is rare that I speak of good leaders.

That is because I am passionate about helping those under bad (toxic) leadership. Though a portion of my seminary training was looking at good leadership in the church, it was my own experience of bad leadership that formed my work for these past 13 years.

Today, however I am looking forward to Easter—which comes tomorrow. I have rarely written about this particular calendar day for the church.

But this year is different. I have been in a study of the New Heavens and New Earth of late and, though I have focused on this theological concept before, it has been a wonderful reminder of our place in this world.

And it has great implications for leadership.

I am neck deep in four writing projects that have developed especially over the past year and a half. Some of these have been focusing on the hopelessness of truly toxic leadership. These are leaders that absolutely will not respond to any kind of normal remedies: education, confrontation, counseling, etc.

What do we do with them?

Easter.

New Creation

Because Easter means New Creation.

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.”

Revelation 21:5 (ESV)

This is found almost at the very end of Scriptures as Jesus encourages the church through the Apostle John that there is something so great, marvelous, and extraordinary on the horizon that no amount of man’s rage against the machine can alter it.

When Jesus comes again, there will be justice, righteousness, and mercy. The words prior to verse five give us a beautiful picture:

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:1-4 (ESV)

What beauty. It brings peace and joy to my soul.

But, lest we become so enthralled by this future event described for us, we need to realize that when Jesus came and walked this earth the first time 2000 years ago, He ushered in this new creation in the form of His Kingdom for now.

In Matthew 6:10 Jesus tells his disciples to pray for God’s Kingdom to come to earth just as it is in heaven now! Jesus said the Kingdom of God was at hand. It is here and now as Jesus walked about as its King. As Jesus roamed about, healing the sick, raising the dead, and proclaiming Good News to the captives, the Kingdom was and is here.

This is extraordinary news. It gives meaning to everything we do so that the Apostle may say, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

All Things New

In essence what Scripture says is that all things are new. Because Jesus came and was raised from the dead, all things are new.

The implications for leadership is that it is new. All that was taught by Jesus and his Apostles to His disciples 2000 years ago about leadership—about not lording it over, treating subordinates harshly, or welcoming even a slave back as if he is no longer owned—is a picture of this newness.

We aren’t born with this newness, I am afraid. It comes from a radical alteration of our very being as Jesus explains to Nicodemus—You must be born again!

So too, a toxic leader can become new. Despite the seeming hopelessness, a deeply damaged leader can become a new leader—just as Jesus’ body was altered dramatically through resurrection, so too leaders may be transformed through resurrection.

Those of us who have suffered under these leaders need to pray for this alteration in these leaders. We need to ask that the Lord will transform them radically—for that is the only way it will happen. And though I have heard of few instances, I have heard of those who came to the foot of the cross and were changed in the blinding of Jesus’ light.

If you are a toxic leader, use this time of commemoration to bow at the foot of the cross, receiving the new creation, and turning from your destruction.

Hypocricy: Boasting of Rightness, Living Wrong

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One of the most damaging things to an organization is a leader who is a hypocrite.

The Oxford Dictionary defines hypocrisy as

the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform; pretense.

This is particularly true for a Christian organization. This is why:

“You who boast in the law dishonor God by breaking the law. 24 For, as it is written, “The name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”

Romans 2:23-24

There Goes the Neighborhood

A recent article I read from the days of yore when Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were battling it out for their party’s nominations for President provides some interesting perspective.1

Leaders play a crucial role in establishing their organizations’ social structures, and successful organizations need to function like a neighborhood. Neighbors look out for each other and rally to work on projects, knowing that when they need help, other members of the community will step up to assist them.

When leaders say one thing and do another, they are destroying the “social structures” that make the organization operate effectively.

The article notes that followers pay attention to the leader’s commitment to their long-term well-being. If the leader’s integrity is questioned, then the “long-term” doesn’t look so good. Who can say what the leader says he will do is what he will indeed do?

If the Christian leader speaks adamantly of God’s Word as the fundamental driving force in his life and yet secretly, or not so secretly, ignores the Word in his everyday life, he is but a clanging gong (1 Corinthians 13). He cannot be trusted.

The “Best Practice Institute” puts it this way:

As the neighborhood dissolves, the organization functions more like a collection of strangers. When strangers interact, they have to settle up their debts in the moment. You can’t go to your local supermarket and borrow a dozen eggs because the supermarket can’t be confident that you’d show up later to pay for them. You can go to your neighbor and borrow eggs, though, because you have a trusted relationship.

The integrity of the leader matters. Hypocrisy, the failure to conform to those beliefs of which the leader espouses, destroys trust, engagement, and even the integrity of followers. Followers follow their leader.

Words and Actions

A consistent part of the Biblical witness and as it turns out, the perspective presented by this article, is that actions really matter; in fact, they show what the leader has purposed in his heart.

We show whether we really believe our beliefs by our actions. And when it is the law of God as Romans says that we are proclaiming as the system of our beliefs, then the breaking of those proclamations destroy our credibility. Leaders are on display nearly everyday of their lives. This becomes incredibly important.

Paul, in his letter to the Romans, goes on to say:

[A]nd if you are sure that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness, 20 an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of children, having in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth— 21 you then who teach others, do you not teach yourself?

Romans 2:19-21

What it means to be taught in Scripture is that we take the words down deep and live those words in our actions. Both things. It is not about gaining a boatload of knowledge and ignoring it when putting our hands to the plow.

Education in the Hebrew sense meant to be overcome by the words towards behavior that reflected that knowledge.

What is the Impact?

Paul says to the Romans that the witness of those who ignore their beliefs—behaving hypocritically—destroys the witness they have to the watching world.

Paul uses the “Gentiles” as the intended audience to the hypocrisy because at that time, those who were not Jews were those who were mostly outside the newborn Christian religion. They were only beginning to come in faith in Jesus Christ. Paul was deeply concerned that these people who were an important focus of his ministry would not be turned away from Jesus by His followers acting hypocritically.

How do we apply this to our organizational leaders?

We must hold high standards for our leaders. Mind you, our leaders will always fail. We are sinful people, no matter how high our position is. Each will fail in various ways.

However, along with those failures, humility—a common theme for these pages—will be evident in those same leaders who blow it by espousing one belief and acting in another. These leaders will recognize their failure, confess that failure willingly, turn from those failures (repentance), and finally make restitution happily.

These humble leaders are those who truly have a belief they proclaim, but sometimes fall to the temptation of expediency—or concupiscence—and in turn need to confess and make right.

But, keep in mind, there are failures that disqualify our leaders. Depending on the kind of leadership and authority they have been given, the failure may be such that even their humility cannot prevent long-term distrust.

In these cases, the leader should willingly step down from his position and seek a new “calling” in God’s kingdom.

Leaders need the trust of followers and hypocrisy is one sure way to destroy that.

Note

  1. Staff, B. P. I., and Best Practice Institute (2016), ‘The Unseen Consequences Of Hypocritical Leadership’, Best Practice Institute – Blog (20 June), https://blog.bestpracticeinstitute.org/consequences-of-hypocritical-leadership/, accessed 24 Jan. 2026.
    ↩︎

The Heart of [Abusive] Leadership: Becoming leaders with a desire for the good and the capacity to carry it out

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The abuse of leadership does not just appear out of the blue.

It has roots and a heart.

When we talk about abuse, we talk about patterns of behavior—coercive, controlling, and punishing behaviors. But we do not stop there.

The Difficulty of Transformation

It is rooted deeply in the heart. Behaviors are simple outward manifestations of something much deeper.

Therefore, the way to transformation is through the heart; not a five-, ten-, or fifteen-step program of changed behavior.

When seeking change in an abusive leader, it must be kept in mind that he or she is deeply deceived.

The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?

Jeremiah 17:9 (ESV)

And this is why abuse advocates have so little confidence in the abusive leader to change.

Have you ever confronted an abuser? Did you see a humble recognition of their wicked heart? Did you see the dawning light in their eyes as they recognized their controlling heart and mean spirit? Did they even two days later come back to you and confess their thoughts of control and domination and ask forgiveness?

I know the answer to those rhetorical questions. At least 99% of the time.

Moral Concern for Others

So, how can transformation take place? How can an abusive leader be changed?

In a recent article by Kevin Brown in “The Dispatch“, the writer hit the nail on the head. Change is not through “thinly constituted reasoning”, as Brown puts it, but through “a story that shapes our moral imagination and directs our lives toward others.”

Brown says,

The Christian tradition has a word for this: discipleship. A call not merely to know what is right, but to become the kind of people who do the right thing. That is, both a desire for the good and the capacity to carry it out.

Real Virtue Has Roots by Kevin Brown

He noted that change in mankind—for good—comes through “discipleship”.

Brown says,

It is our day-to-day roots, not abstract reason, that will cultivate the virtuous life and our moral concern for others.

But discipleship means there is a “follower” who desires to learn from the one discipling him. And this again can be a nail in the coffin of transformation—most abusers don’t see it and so don’t think they need transformation. Why would they seek out discipleship?

The Ultimate Transformer

This is where Christ comes in . . . though He has been there all the time, mind you.

If Christ resurrected, this changes everything. All the maps have been redrawn. The world is upside down. Things are not as they seem. The truth of this story demands, says the hymnist, “my soul, my life, my all.”

Real Virtue Has Roots by Kevin Brown

It is only through Christ that a leader can even develop the desire to seek to know oneself; to know the sin that lies deeply hidden in his soul. To become a disciple.

This is the ultimate way that a leader will change his spots.

Yes, there are ways of seeking accountability: bringing pressure from boards; confrontations; firings; required batterer intervention programs. We have seen leaders seek heart change as a result of these accountability measures.

But ultimately, these only work when Christ chooses to bring pressure, confront, and bring consequences in order to discipline the toxic leader.

For if, because of [Adam’s] trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.

Romans 5:17 (ESV)

We must rely upon Christ. Ultimately, transformation is His gift from Jesus Christ to the leader and organization and even the world around the leader.

Blessed is the man whom you discipline, O LORD,
and whom you teach out of your law.

Psalms 94:12 (ESV)

REFERENCE

Brown, Kevin, and Michael Reneau. “Real Virtue Has Roots.” The Dispatch, August 11, 2025. https://thedispatch.com/newsletter/dispatch-faith/virtue-morality-peter-singer-jemel-dunn/.

Ted’s Story: A Band of Brothers

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https://open.spotify.com/episode/79gAD3m7ZXb8FliZuCW7H4?si=1fb702a7d75b4b1e

Ted’s story is hard to even start the telling. His story is a call to the church to be the church.

The brokenness of leadership in his denomination is so overwhelming that you begin to wonder if there is any real church left. Jesus’ church is redeemed and beautiful to Him, yet she so often acts as if she would have nothing to do with Him.

Jesus surely loves His bride, but at times I find that surprising.

Ted’s Story

It began several years ago when a committee was formed in Ted’s denomination’s regional leadership to investigate charges of sexual harassment against one of the pastors.

The committee, that acts a bit like a Grand Jury in the regional grouping of churches, presented a one-page summation of their investigation. They said they found no reason to move towards a trial as there were no strong reasons to suggest the pastor was guilty.

Ted found it strange that the summation said there was no guilt, but the committee provided “pastoral corrections” in the summation due to his “sexual misconduct.” He thought, “If there is no guilt, why would there be corrections to be made in his ministry?”

Ted and others asked for the full report—which was four pages long—but were refused. However, they discovered there had been one woman who acted as an “advisor” to the committee and she had published a “minority opinion.”

That sounded suspicious.

Ted began to speak with others, including women who were connected in some way to the case. In time, he determined he should stand up and be counted, filing a complaint with the regional leadership seeking justice for the women (multiple) who had reported the sexual misconduct.

In addition, he found that there had been multiple reports of impropriety against the pastor for at least five years before.

At this point, he told his wife, Rebecca that three things were going to happen:

  • There was going to be a huge move to exonerate the pastor.
  • He would be accused of having an affair with one of the women the pastor sexually harrassed.
  • It would all end with Ted being charged with something.

The Pastor’s Power Play

Ted’s complaint was refused and so he took it to the “supreme court” of his denomination for a ruling. That “court” upheld his complaint and ordered that a new investigative committee be appointed by the regional leadership.

However, a group of pastors suggested that an independent organization be hired by the regional leadership to investigate the charges. If they followed through, Ted would need to drop his charges against the pastor. He willingly did so that the independent investigators would have a free hand.

However, the regional leadership allowed the acccused pastor to speak at length and he convinced the leadership that the independent organization recommended was untrustworthy. His reason? He argued that they would support the victims.

He suggested that the regional leadership investigate and if they found guilt, then hire the independent group.

The pastor then convinced the leadership to appoint an investigative committee that had two lawyers on it. Then proceeded to convince them to put two lawyers on the committee whom he thought he had wrangled into his camp over the preceeding months.

In the end, his nearly hand-chosen committee found him guilty. But his personal lawyer, from one of the biggest law firms in the state, sought and obtained an immediate cease and desist order from the civil courts and stopped the process.

Contumacy

Men in the regional leadership then suggested bringing the pastor up on charges for his refusal to heed the ruling of the committee called “contumacy” (stubborn refusal to obey or comply with authority). In the rulebook of the denomination it states that a pastor who is found to be guilty of contumacy by the denominational “courts” must repent or be excommunicated.

The pastor wrote a letter that he was amending his lawsuit against parties in the denomination but that he was “not admitting guilt.” Ted stood before the leadership and asked if this was not a clear sign he was unrepentant.

Others rose to suggest that “repentance does not always involve admitting to sin.”

Really?

Ted was livid and suggested that the regional leadership organization be disolved and that their group of churches be melded into another regional grouping of churches because he said, “We will never, ever conduct a fair trial.” He wondered what the use of their regional leadership was if they could not judge fairly.

In the end, the highest court heard the case against the pastor and found him not guilty.

One of the parties involved in the case remarked, “This is a coverup and meant to send a message to the denomination that you never challenge a pastor.”

Band of Brothers

Ted shared with me the story of Mark, a pastor who had incredible influence in the regional leadership. He described him as one of the biggest narcissists he has ever seen. Twenty to thirty people have told him Mark was spiritually abusive.

When another pastor was brought up on charges Mark stood to support him, calling it an “injustice.” Ted was talking to him a year later and asked him about the pastor he had supported. Mark said the accused pastor was one of the worst pastors he had seen. He was “super legalistic, bad with people . . . Mark went on and on,” Ted said.

Ted asked, “Why did you fight his firing?”

Mark told him, “He is a pastor. We can’t allow elders in the churches to rule.”

But, Ted pressed, “He was abusive.” Mark replied, “Oh, I don’t doubt that at all. But we have to protect the regional leadership of pastors. It is a ‘band of brothers,'” referring to the movie by that name.

Ted told me he can point to at least four other cases of charges brought against pastors where the reaction was always to defend the pastor “even when indefensible.”

What Can We Say?

Ted said he has been re-reading “To Kill a Mockingbird” and is finding that someone who seeks justice in his denomination for those under pastoral abuse experience something akin to African Americans in the 50s.

It begins to look like Jesus before the Sanhedrin where the highest Jewish court repeatedly broke their own rules due to their own bias and blindness. Finding an innocent Jesus guilty; while drowning in His blood.

Or the leaders of Israel during the time of Ezekiel when the Lord calls them to account for their wicked leadership:

The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them. So they were scattered, because there was no shepherd, and they became food for all the wild beasts. My sheep were scattered. . . Ezekiel 34:4-5 (ESV)

The sheep are scattering. Much like Aaron’s warning.

When the leadership of God’s people reject His unmistakeable teaching to humbly serve His children, there will be unmeasurable harm done to the Church.

Ted’s story should be a clarion call to church leadership:

Repent or suffer the fate that you so desperately are trying to stave off—the scattering of God’s people.

How in the World

I asked Ted how in the world he has stood strong in the midst of all the attacks he has faced.

Ted noted that all three of the predictions he made to Rebecca have proven true.

  • As noted above, there was a huge movement to protect the erring pastor.
  • Ted was indeed accused of having an affair with one of the women who came forward to report the pastor’s sexual misconduct—even though Ted has only actually see her and the other women who reported maybe five times.
  • And charges have been filed against him in the church courts that he is currently battling.

Ted told me he has found solace and strength in three things:

  • Ted said his wife has been amazing. She has been his support and encouragement all along.
  • He enjoys a cohort of other pastors and Ted said they “have been rock solid friends through it all.” They have helped him write complaints, checked in on him periodically, and prayed with him often.
  • He sought out a Christian counselor. At one particular point the counselor suggested two things:
    1. Find an EMDR counselor as soon as possible. Ted said, “That has been huge.” This type of treatment for trauma has been incredibly helpful to many victims of abuse. See Bessel van der Kolk’s book here.
    2. And surprisingly the counselor suggested he find a Brazilian jiu jitsu gym. Ted said, “It was the greatest thing I have done.” He was amazed that the others in the club were so supportive of each other. He noted, “When there is a new guy, the advanced one’s job is to help him by submitting to him in the wrestling, showing him how to win.” He added, “If you try to hurt others, you will be kicked out of the gym immediately.”

I really was amazed by Ted’s mental and spiritual health despite all he has gone through.

Quite frankly, I cannot imagine being where he is if I had suffered all he has to advocate for victims of such horrendous leadership.

Image Management: Lying to the World

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One of the clear signs of toxic leadership is image management. Chuck DeGroat shares in his book, “When Narcissism Comes to the Church” what one of his clients said of her husband:

“My husband has told me that he will divorce me and publicly humiliate me if I ever say anything negative about him.”1

Image management in the home.

Even when there isn’t toxic leadership, image management in organizational management can be a temptation for churches and Christian organizations. We all want others to see us in the best light and that gets transferred to our marketing of our church or organization.

Goffman used the terms “impression management” to describe how an “actor strives to present an impression to the audience they will find agreeable.”2 Wade Mullen, in his PhD dissertation runs with Goffman’s ideas and explains how individuals and organizations present an “agreeable” impression of themselves or organization in a falsified way.

As Mullens notes, IM (Image Management) is often used unwittingly. It just comes naturally to us. Some sociologists have argued it is a learned trait and as Christians we can easily argue it is a trait present since the fall of man—if we are talking about the falsified form of IM.

When used to give a false (good) impression of who we are, it is simply a form of lying. Unfortunately, this kind of lying has become standard practice in a society that is money- and marketing-driven.

But again, it should not surprise us. We are sinful people. You can see it in the church that has become wrapped up in the marketing craze with slick media messaging and false advertising.

With that as an introduction, let’s explore how we can identify our natural—fallen—urge to make something pretty that is not. And, specifically, consider how abuse is covered up because it is most certainly NOT pretty.

The Most Common Expressions of IM

I cannot count the number of times I have seen statements like, “It will bring shame to Christ’s name.”

It is common that someone abused by either a leader, friend, or a spouse will desire (rightfully) to make known the abuse in order to bring accountability and repentance. However, a (likely) well-meaning church member or leader makes the above statement to the victim. It is assumed that the airing of dirty laundry is a bad witness to Christ.

There is one simple answer to this belief.

If this is true, the Bible is full of this “bad witness” as God tells the story of man’s failures and His redemptive plan for the ages. Without the airing of the dirty laundry there can be no forgiveness. Therreason there is forgiveness offered is because of our dirty laundry. There can be no redemption without the humble recognition of sin. We would need to read a sterilized version of the Bible if we thought that the presence and proclamation of man’s sins brings shame to Christ.

On the contrary, the humility involved in airing our dirty laundry is actually a positive witness to this redemptive work of Christ (see this for further discussion).

There is a reason God sent His Son. Jesus died in order to take away our sin and as Solomon said, “there is no one who does not sin” (2 Chronicles 6:36-39). Our sin, and particularly grievous sin like abuse of leadership (that affects so many), should be known not only for the seeking of redemption but for two other reasons.

First, it is necessary for sin to be public so that there is accountability for the abuser. He must, if he is to repent, be held accountable for his arrogance and entitlement. And secondly, others need to be warned. This is taught clearly in Scripture in 1st Timothy:

As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.

1 Timothy 5:20 (ESV)

Paul is speaking about leaders in the church. There is warning for others when a leader has abused his authority and been called on the carpet by others.

An Arrogant Culture

Chuck DeGroat talks of “Grandiose Narcissistic Systems.” DeGroat describes a discussion he had with a friend who had inherited the leadership of a large ministry:

. . . he was alarmed by a collective narrative that went something like this: “The [rival ministry] is doing that, so we must respond by doing this.” He heard key leaders within the organization talk in disparaging ways of the other ministry, he read personal blogs of his staff that mocked other Christians while elevating their own work, and he felt what he described as a “gross arrogance” at staff meetings. He told me that staff-meeting culture felt more like game planning to beat the rival than corporately discerning God’s will for that season of ministry. He said, “It seems as if they’re all in some sort of group trance.”3

Image management develops an arrogant culture within an organization.

I cringe when I hear “there is no one else doing ministry the way we are”. You might be surprised by how often you will hear this kind of arrogance spoken in the halls of ministries.

Ministry leaders, and even followers, convince themselves of this to pump up and validate themselves. There is not a ministry out there that can honestly suggest such a thing. There is someone doing much the same thing somewhere in the world, doing it just as well or better, and has been doing it longer.

It may not be a marketing slogan the organization puts out on social media or even in their brochures but simply what is said to employees to create pride in and loyalty to the organization. But enough of it and the culture will become toxic with arrogance.

These organizations become resistant to challenge and change—after all, if they are the best, then how could there be a problem. In turn, like with the husband at the beginning of this blog, those who happen to say anything negative about the organization will be humiliated by the leaders or by pears within the organization.

Push Back

I encourage the faithful to push back against all such image management. If you hear these things when you are applying to join an organization, run. If you hear it while working for an organization, challenge it. If you read it in the fundraising appeals of your favorite charity, put your checkbook away.

Image Management has no place in the Christian organization.

Notes:

  1. DeGroat, Chuck. When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse (p. 92). (Function). Kindle Edition. ↩︎
  2. Wade T. Mullen, “Wade Mullen PhD Dissertation.Pdf,” Google Docs, accessed March 6, 2023, https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rXrd8MYay5Vg5s7JXFx7S91hDTlm1CVX/view?usp=embed_facebook, 4. ↩︎
  3. DeGroat, Chuck. When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse (pp. 105-106). (Function). Kindle Edition. ↩︎

How Toxic Leaders Respond to Strength: Toxic Leadership Goes from Bad to Worse

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Threatened.

The toxic leader will be threatened by the slightest show of strength from subordinates. This was the story of the new king of Egypt in the time following the death of Joseph.

As a little background, Joseph, the son of Jacob, had been taken as a slave from his family to Egypt—that is a whole story in itself. Through a variety of amazing circumstances directed by the Lord, Joseph’s ability to read the dreams of others came to the attention of the king.

Having read the king’s troubling dreams, the king appointed Joseph to oversee the nation’s food supply. The king had dreamed (symbolically) of seven years of abundance followed by a seven-year drought. God gave Joseph incredible wisdom that saved the Egyptian nation and many surrounding nations through his wise management of their agriculture.

Joseph’s family—God’s people—moved to Egypt during this time and were given good land to farm by the king. The “Israelites” grew in numbers and after Joseph died, Exodus 1:8-11 picks up the story:

Now there arose a new king over Egypt, who did not know Joseph. 9 And he said to his people, “Behold, the people of Israel are too many and too mighty for us. 10 Come, let us deal shrewdly with them, lest they multiply, and, if war breaks out, they join our enemies and fight against us and escape from the land.” 11 Therefore they set taskmasters over them to afflict them with heavy burdens. They built for Pharaoh store cities, Pithom and Raamses.

Exodus 1:8-11 (ESV)

You have to the ask the question, “Why would the king think the Israelites would join Egypt’s enemies and fight against them?” Egypt had proven to be a good place to work and raise their families. The Israelites were prospering because of the former Pharoah’s (king) kindness to them.

Why, Why, Why

However, it appears that the Israelites were already in the grips of the Egyptians. They did not appear to be equals in their citizenry. The king (and the other Egyptians) appeared to have power over these foreign people. This is evidenced by the fact the king could set “taskmasters over them to afflict them with heavy burdens.”

This new Pharaoh would prove in the story to be a toxic leader.

The Egyptian king had the ability to rule over them in a toxic way and chose to do so. So, he chose to take toxic control. An average leader might consider how to woo his subordinates. Not the Egyptian king. . . nor a toxic leader of any sort.

Robert Hare wrote,

There is a class of individuals who have been around forever and who are found in every race, culture, society and walk of life. Everybody has met these people, been deceived and manipulated by them, and forced to live with or repair the damage they have wrought.1

If you know the story, you know that Exodus goes on to describe the destruction wrought by the king in the lives of the Egyptians and the subsequent judgments God brought upon the nation of Egypt because of the king’s horrific toxicity. As Hare notes, the Egyptians were “forced to live with or repair the damage [the king had] wrought.”

This is the way of toxic leadership. The destruction a narcissistic or abusive leader causes can be far-reaching and long-lasting. But generally, it is people in the organization, nation, business, or church that have to, in the end, live with it or try to repair it.

And it gets worse

Barbara Kellerman, the Founding Executive Director of the Harvard Kennedy School’s Center for Public Leadership, wrote of the common direction these toxic leaders go; down. It only gets worse. There is example after example. It is extremely rare that a bad leader becomes good. Rather their slippery slope is all downhill.

Kellerman tells the story of Volkswagen’s former CEO, Martin Winterkorn.

The effect of Winterkorn’s bad leadership was cumulative. The longer it lasted, the higher the cost to everyone adversely affected. Volkswagen’s cheating was not a single, quickly aborted instance of wrongdoing, never to be repeated. It was the opposite. It went on for eight years, the price paid by the victims of Volkswagen’s wrongdoing escalating with each passing day.2

But this should not surprise us as Christians. Sin is crouching at the door (Gen. 4:7) and without the intervention of Christ, it goes generally from bad to worse.

There are people who are truly driven by evil as Dan Allender describes (and it only gets worse):

All of us are capable of doing evil things, but evil people are driven by a self-interest that is so heartless, conscious, and cruel that it delights in stealing from others the lifeblood of their soul. Often the one who delights in evil is an ordinary, unassuming person who hides behind a facade of normalcy. Few people who are evil ever appear evil, even after the evidence of their deceit, destructiveness, and hardness is exposed.3

Keeping Clean of Defilement

It is difficult to watch the masses follow after narcissistic and abusive leaders in any organizational setting. They might think the leader holds some values they hold or promote some policies they promote. So, they think those positive traits will keep the followers clean of defilement. But, that is not how it works.

The followers of the Egyptian king suffered much the same from God’s judgment as did the king. The plagues that devastated Egypt crushed its people. In fact, it is likely that the only plague that fully affected the king was the death of his firstborn. As the king, he was likely above many of the affects of the other plagues.

Let this story be a challenge to leaders who are tempted to gain control through strength or manipulation. And let is be a challenge to followers who think they are somehow exempt from the damage such leaders bring.

Notes

  1. ‘This Charming Psychopath’, Psychology Today, http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199401/charming-psychopath, accessed 18 March 2016.
    ↩︎
  2. Kellerman, Barbara, Leadership from Bad to Worse: What Happens When Bad Festers, Oxford University Press (2024)
    (pp. 82-83). ↩︎
  3. Allender, Dan B., and Longman III, Tremper, Bold Love (Colorado Springs, CO, 2014) 233.
    ↩︎

Embracing Criticism: Are They Words from the LORD?

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Do you hate to hear criticism?

Of course you do.

We would all like to think we are correct on every point . . . or even wise in how we lead a church, organization, or business . . . or our home.

However, one look at Genesis chapter three should put our minds at ease. We are neither wise or always right. It is there in the garden that we lost any bragging rights to being . . . right.

The Amos Problem

Amos was a “shepherd and farmer called to prophesy during the reigns of Uzziah (792–740 B.C.) in the southern kingdom and Jeroboam II (793–753) in the north.”1

Things were going well for Judah and Israel at the time. Economically, politically . . . but not spiritually apparently. Amos warned King Jeroboam that he would “die by the sword, and Israel must go into exile.” They were words the king didn’t want to hear.

But maybe even more importantly, the priest—a representative of the Lord who was to remain free from political control, but rather to act prophetically to kings—was more interested in remaining close to the power of the king. He went running to the king when Amos prophesied to encourage the king to take action against Amos.

“Amos has conspired against you in the midst of the house of Israel. The land is not able to bear all his words.”

Amos 7:10

Sometimes our followers—those subordinate to our leadership or influence, who have less power than we do—bring words that hurt. Our ego is bruised by their words that challenge our actions, heart (motives), or abilities.

In those moments we need to step back. We need to consider carefully whether those words—even when meant to hurt us because of jealousy or arrogance—are words the Lord wants to use to make us better at leading.

King David’s Experience

When King David came to Bahurim, there came out a man of the family of the house of Saul, whose name was Shimei, the son of Gera, and as he came he cursed continually. 6 And he threw stones at David and at all the servants of King David, and all the people and all the mighty men were on his right hand and on his left. 7 And Shimei said as he cursed, “Get out, get out, you man of blood, you worthless man! 8 The LORD has avenged on you all the blood of the house of Saul, in whose place you have reigned, and the LORD has given the kingdom into the hand of your son Absalom. See, your evil is on you, for you are a man of blood.”

2 Samuel 16:5-8 (ESV)

Abishai, a companion and nephew of King David, sought to protect the king’s ego, and possibly life, and advised the king that he allow Abishai to “take of his head.”

David’s response is a lesson to all leaders. He says, “If he is cursing because the LORD has said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who then shall say, ‘Why have you done so?’” It is possible the LORD himself is cursing David through this “dog” as Abishai calls him.

Even those we do not respect may have a word from the LORD in the sense that the LORD is using them to help us see our blind spots and failures.

Leaders need to take warning. Certainly, not every word from our detractors is correct or should be honored or affect our leadership. However, in rejecting the words of Amos, Israel did suffer the fate of being sent into exile. The country continued to rebel against the LORD because they were too proud to hear the words of this shepherd—words from God, Himself.

It is a humble heart that will hear words of criticism as gifts from the LORD.

References

  1. ESV New Classic Reference Bible, Introduction to Amos, (Wheaton, Ill, 2011)
    ↩︎

A Covenant of Peace: When the Lord Banishes Toxic Leadership

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There will come a day.

It is not here, yet.

Nearly everyone who works in the marketplace experiences toxic leadership at some point in his or her career. Approximately a third of women are abused in their lifetime.

The time of peace is not here.

But there will come a time when the Lord banishes toxic leadership in the home, workplace, church, and organization.

Prophesy Against the Shepherds

The prophet and priest, Ezekiel was taken away into exile in Babylon in 597 B.C.

In 597 B.C., King Nebuchadnezzer of Babylon besieged Jerusalem. The siege caused appalling deprivation and suffering. Nebuchadnezzer took Judah’s King Jehoiachin and the nation’s leading citizens off to Babylon. Then, ten years later, he uprooted everybody else and destroyed the temple. The so-called Babylonian Captivity had begun. And tens of thousands were massacred in the process.1

Ministering for over 23 years, Ezekiel “addressed both the exiles and the people left in Judah with messages of warning and judgment, predicting the fall of Jerusalem.”2 In chapter 34, Ezekiel gives a scathing message from the Lord to the spiritual leaders of Judah.

Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will require my sheep at their hand and put a stop to their feeding the sheep. No longer shall the shepherds feed themselves. I will rescue my sheep from their mouths, that they may not be food for them.

Ezekiel 34:10

For the purpose of vindication and validation, we can be thankful that the Lord will stop the toxic leadership of these “shepherds.” But much of the chapter is more about the kindness of the Lord to those who have suffered under that self-serving leadership.

Ezekiel goes on to say that the Lord “will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered. . . (vs. 11b-12a).”

Toxic leadership always scatters. In this case, Ezekiel is speaking specifically to those located in a small area in the Middle East 2500 years ago. The leadership of Judah had both religious and national consequence as Judah was a full-blown theocracy—a government ruled by a religious organization.

This religious leadership over the nation had “scattered” the sheep of Judah. We can understand this to involve both a spiritual and physical scattering of the people of Judah. It is evident that there was a decided lack of spiritual commitment to God’s law and rule and the people had been taken into captivity by another nation. They had been scattered.

As we bring this warning and teaching into our day and age we would normally apply God’s warnings and promises to the “church” that is the New Testament expansion of God’s people—including both Jew and Gentile. We cannot categorically apply the promises or warnings to Judah in the fifth century B.C. to our own time, but the promises and warnings in this chapter were only in part fulfilled as the Lord brought His people out of exile and back to Jerusalem.

There was still toxic leadership. There was still hatred. There was still suffering in that time and ever since.

However, we know there will come a day when the promises found in this chapter of Ezekiel will be fully—completely and perfectly—realized. That day will be when Christ comes again and banishes evil and enfolds His people in his arms in a love we cannot fully grasp in this life.

Listen to this incredible promise:

And I will bring them out from the peoples and gather them from the countries, and will bring them into their own land. And I will feed them on the mountains of Israel, by the ravines, and in all the inhabited places of the country. I will feed them with good pasture, and on the mountain heights of Israel shall be their grazing land. There they shall lie down in good grazing land, and on rich pasture they shall feed on the mountains of Israel. I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the Lord GOD.

Ezekiel 34:13-15

It is idyllic. God’s people will be fed and nurtured and protected and given rest.

The “wild beasts” who have created havoc and death and suffering, he says, will be “banished.”

What sweet promises these are. As I watch the suffering of those under toxic leadership I am reminded of these promises that give hope. We might see some relief in this life—gaining freedom from the leader’s grasp—but in the long term, it will only be in eternity that we fully gain that freedom from the ravages of sin in leadership. Even in my own heart, that will be the day I no longer hate and hurt and curse.

Come Lord Jesus, come.

NOTES

  1. Ligonier Ministries. “The Babylonian Captivity.” Accessed October 20, 2024. https://www.ligonier.org/podcasts/simply-put/the-babylonian-captivity.
    ↩︎
  2. ESV New Classic Reference Bible. Introduction to book of Ezekiel. Wheaton, Ill: Crossway, 2011.
    ↩︎