Monthly Archives: April 2019

Forgiveness: Mimicking Jesus

Posted on by
6

I remember seeing pictures in a news magazine of high school students holding up a banner that read something like, “Josh, we forgive you.” Josh (a fictitious name) was the murderer of several of their classmates in a school shooting many years ago.

The question the article asked was whether it was appropriate for the students to forgive Josh for his horrendous evil. Josh had never sought their forgiveness. Nor were they the actual victims of his violence.

Dr. Robert Burns and Michael Brissett, in a helpful book called, “The Adult Child of Divorce,” discuss forgiveness from a very practical and biblical perspective.

The authors begin their section on forgiveness with the statement:

Some encourage the offended to absorb their pain and release the offender. Others urge those who hurt to simply turn to God and confess it. Then, they are assured, God will resolve the pain, and everything will be fine. A third approach is to tell those unable to forgive to examine their own lives. They should see what mistakes they have made – even if the mistake is carrying pain toward those who harmed them – and seek forgiveness from the ones they can’t seem to forgive.

You have likely heard these responses.

One of the greatest struggles for Christians beat up by toxic leaders is how to fulfill God’s calling to forgive those who have hurt them. Frequently, they ask questions about what it means to forgive and whether they should even forgive the horrendous evil they have experienced.

Generally, there is no shortage of well-meaning Christian brothers and sisters who will come their aid in providing answers. “Of course, you must forgive them. The Bible tells you so!”

But take a look, as Burns and Brissett do in their book, at the passage on forgiveness in Ephesians:

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

[Ephesians 4:32]

We are called to forgive one another….as God in Christ forgave you. It is that last clause that is often overlooked or not completely understood.

How did Jesus Christ forgive you?

The Legal Side of Forgiveness

The authors talk about “two sides of forgiveness.” As they note,

“If I break the law, that law says I must legally pay a penalty…We haven’t lived perfect lives. Because God is holy and perfect, He will legally accept only perfect people, and because we have broken His law, a penalty must be paid before he can accept us.”

Fortunately, for God’s created world and sinful man, Jesus Christ died on the cross to take the penalty for those sins. He provided the legal means of taking care of the judgment that was due to us, providing forgiveness from the perfect Judge, Almighty God.

He holds out that offer of forgiveness to all who have sinned…that happens to be everyone conceived in this world.

However, as those who know scripture realize, not everyone is forgiven. There is another side to the coin of forgiveness as the authors put it.

The Relational Side of Forgiveness

Peter preached to the household of Cornelius saying,

“To [Jesus] all the prophets bear witness that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.”

[Acts 10:43 (ESV)]

The sins of those who believe in the work of Jesus Christ on the cross are forgiven. The sins of those who reject him are not.

Those who recognize they are “sinners,” in need of Jesus’ saving work and who camp at Jesus’ doorstep to seek his forgiveness are forgiven. Those who do not consider their failures worthy of judgment are not forgiven.

To come into “relationship” with Jesus we need forgiveness. He has offered it to all, but only those who receive that offer will be forgiven and be in relationship with the Lord.

How Does that Work Between People?

So, when do we forgive others according to Paul in Ephesians 4:32?

When our offender seeks forgiveness. When they recognize their sin against you and come to you asking for your forgiveness, you are to forgive them. In fact, Jesus said they should to be forgiven over and over should they ask. [Matthew 18:21-22]

This is what is taught in Luke 17:3-4. Jesus tells his disciples, if he repents, forgive him. “If he repents.”

This is the “relational” side of forgiveness of which Burns and Brissett speak.

So, when they “recognize [their] own failure” and acknowledge it to your face, you freely forgive just as Christ forgave you.

Forgiving the Toxic One

It just so happens that you find a rare abuser (in the workplace or the home) that will recognize their sin, acknowledge it, and accept their responsibility. They rarely darken your door humbly seeking forgiveness.

In fact, the defining characteristic of being an “abuser” is the complete lack of humility to admit wrong. [see blog]

Though there may not be relational forgiveness between you and your tormentor, bringing reconciliation, there is still a need to forgive him (or her) nonetheless.

The authors point to Matthew 5:21-22 where Jesus teaches that when a brother harbors anger against another brother, he is a “murderer.”

It is important to note that there is a righteous anger that is taught in scripture [see blog], but where there is bitterness and seeking of revenge, we need to take a close look at our motives.

We need to have an attitude of forgiveness (legal) though there may never come a time when our abuser seeks our forgiveness (relational). We need to live in this “legal side of forgiveness” by making it available to our antagonist should he humble himself.

Releasing Them

“Legally” forgiving those who sin against us does not necessarily release them from accountability however. It is still appropriate to seek legal, organizational, or corporate justice for the toxic individual.

But we need to recognize that Jesus’ forgiveness is ultimately the forgiveness he needs and we need to “release” him into the Lord’s hands that he may one day seek our and God’s forgiveness for their evil.

As the victims of our abuser’s violence, we can be like the servant in Jesus’ parable.  The “wicked servant” received forgiveness from his master for all he owed him (which was boatloads of cash) and turned around to require the small debt from those who owed him. [Matthew 18:23-35]

Or, as Jesus teaches, we can pass on the forgiveness we received from our master to our abuser.

However, until he recognizes his own failure, acknowledges it before God and you, and accept God’s solution for the problem, there will not be relational forgiveness and no reconciliation, between he and God or with you.

Nor does God expect there to be.

You need not feel guilt about his. You need not think you ought to have done more. You need not say, “Everything is alright . . . I am over it.” It is okay to grieve the loss of that relationship and your brother’s failure.

It just isn’t supposed to be like that.

NOTES:

Burns, Bob, and Michael J. Brissett. The Adult Child of Divorce. Nashville, TN: Oliver-Nelson Books, 1991.

Businessman Jacob: Pursuing a Kingdom Purpose

Posted on by
1

Jacob is doing kingdom work. But, Jacob is neither pastor, nor missionary.

Yet, he is both.

If every church were filled with Jacobs, the redemptive arm of God would radically change our communities.

Of course, the arm of God is never short…but Jacob’s work as an employer in his community shines a light so bright, the darkness has no chance.

Being God

But, Jacob’s story began with the realization that he had set himself “up as god.”

As a small business owner in a rural community, he felt he needed “to control everything.” He could not trust his employees to do things right. They might steal from him when he wasn’t looking. They might not have the work ethic he has.

This may have come in part from his childhood experience of abuse. His father controlled everything. The kids were in a constant state of seeking to please their father. They in turn had to control father through their behaviour.

Jacob struggles with “extremes with a project, a budget, or raising the children.” Jacob always needed to appear busy when his father returned home or he would get “yelled at or spanked.” Jacob said when his father could be heard coming, “I frantically scrambled to look like I was…doing something productive.” There was only work, no rest, in his father’s house.

He depends on his wife to help him identify those extremes.

The Finance Guy

For several years, Jacob had worked in finance. He had one employee. And lots of clients. He was making a good income.

But he had also been involved in a side business. He enjoyed that work and finally decided he would have more time for family if he moved more in that direction. So he moved into the “side” business full-time.

In the process a new opportunity came up: a retail business was for sale. After much analysis and prayer, he decided to take the plunge.

The Most Terrible Night in Memory

Jacob said he had, as it turned out, “under-analyzed” the business and when the closing date came, he was thrown into incredible turmoil. He had not considered the costs of the inventory side of the business and was shocked by the bill on top of the closing cost.

Jacob said he did not sleep that night. He said he had the “most stressful and terrible night in memory.” He remembered his “mind went to this black abyss.” He was afraid he was taking his family down. He thought he had made one of the greatest mistakes of his life. He added, “I just wanted out.”

But it was not the price tag as much as it was that he had not seen it coming and wondered what else he had missed. He had to have control. He had to be god of his circumstances. He was out of control of his environment.

It was in the midst of this struggle that he realized he could not control all the chess pieces and if he tried he was going to go crazy. He said it was an “unsustainable” way to live and do business.

And he recognized it came out of a deeper problem of idolatry. Jacob was going to have to trust the Lord in this new venture and that in turn led to trusting his employees. He could not try to control every element of the business but had to have the help of his team.

From a leadership model, it is important to give power and responsibility to your team of employees. Getting the right people on the bus, as Jim Collins instructs (“Good to Great”), and then giving them power to complete their tasks is the kind of leadership that Jacob is now developing.

The Aha Moment

In his view this is simply a “kingdom-building” approach to business ownership. When he had his “aha” moment, he knew his primary goal needed to be to care for his employees.

He turned to Matthew 6 where Jesus says on the Sermon on the Mount:


“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

[Matthew 6:19-21 (ESV)]

He wanted to get on to Matthew 6:25, the section of Jesus’ sermon where he gives encouragement that God provides for the needs of his children [Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.]. Jacob wanted a “lucky charm” from scripture to help him trust that everything would be alright.

Kingdom Purpose

But he realized as he read on in Matthew 6 that the part about God providing for his children comes in the context of this passage about not storing up treasures on earth.

Jacob was challenged by this reading. He said, “Don’t set your hope in what you prize…in those things that are temporal. Don’t put your hope, desire, and joy in things that drive you in the place of that which is eternal and secure and won’t go away.”

He believed God was speaking to him at that moment and that his focus had been entirely “on the numbers.” He explained he had to give up his idols but realized that God “doesn’t ever say, don’t freek out about losing your idols, God will take care of it!” 

He said God was in essence saying, “Jacob, love people well. Be a good employer and I will take care of everything else.” He said, “That is kingdom purpose! Use this opportunitiy to be a good employer, taking good care of the people.” Jacob said, “That’s how [God] provides for his people to be about kingdom work – caring for, loving people is kingdom work.” He added, “My getting rich isn’t a kingdom focus.”

Jim Collins described his research into the most successful corporations to determine what made them tick. One of the common denominators between these diverse companies was a leader who cared for the company so much that his pay was not the driving factor in his commitment to the company. These CEO’s wages were often much less than CEOs of other comparable corporations that did not perform as well.

In addition, these CEOs had the humility to practice what Collins called the mirror and window approach to leadership. When things were not going well for the corporation, the CEO would look at the man in the mirror and take the blame. When the company was producing well, the CEO would look out the window and give credit primarly to his employees.

Though “Good to Great” is not an overtly Christian text on business management, the research identified what can be understood as biblical principles of management.

That perspective drives everything Jacob does as an employer including the wages he pays. He has spent much time struggling through what God would have him pay his employees, always mindful of the world’s standards.

Kingdom Wages

In the 1950s the average CEO made nearly 20 times the average worker. Today, the average S&P 500 Index firm paid their CEO 361 times the salaries of the “rank-and-file worker” according to Forbes. Jacob wants to serve his employees with above-average pay and he wants it to be a living wage.

Jacob has a redemptive, dominion-taking mindset that is sorely lacking in our wealth-driven society.

It is the Jacobs in our cities that truly make them communities. They point the spotlight on the God who has gifted his people and given them opportunity to tend and cultivate our world.