How do we view the world around us? And more specifically, how do we view our “enemies”, particularly those who have abused their authority and deeply wounded those who work under their authority?
Perspective makes a significant difference in how we think about and how we act towards these bosses.
I mostly write about how we understand abusive leadership and periodically write about followership. This blog is going with another . . . well, perspective.
Perspective: How Important?
Biblically, how we view—or think of—others is as important as how we treat others; in part because our actions are understood to come out of a heart that is evil or good. Therefore, Jesus continually challenged his followers to look deep inside (as did James and others).
So, I want to take a look at what Paul suggests should be our perspective of toxic leaders with whom we struggle.
Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 6:11-12 (ESV)
In the verses preceding this passage, Paul has been challenging both those in authority and those who are followers. He has sought to exhort followers—of even wicked leadership (specifically slaves)—to take on a particular perspective.
Each follower that Paul mentions is called to serve his/her “master” as he would serve Christ. His/her perspective is to be heavenly rather than on the good or evil of the leader.
His/her service is not from loyalty to the leader. It is a heavenly, God-ward perspective that should mold their work.
In fact, the slave is called to view his work as for the Lord specifically and not for man. Because if it were for man, it would be incredibly difficult for the slave. It would make his/her life all the more unbearable if his perspective was that his work was for the wicked master.
It would likely feel like selling his soul.
Where Evil Originates
And so Paul comes down to the summary statement above from Ephesians 6:11-12. When faced with an abusive leader, what should be our perspective?
Rather than focusing on the evil of the leader’s actions, he directs our attention elsewhere. That elsewhere is where the evil originates. Behind every evil leader are the “cosmic powers” of “spiritual forces” that drive them. “The Devil made me do it” is partially correct. However, the “made me” is off-base.
Man is fully responsible for his own evil actions in this life.
He is culpable for his anger, entitlement, and coercive control. However, that evil goes all the way back to the garden when Satan tempted Adam and Eve. It was there that man said “yes” to those spiritual forces.
The Conflict
At this point you may be in conflict. How do I suggest in blog after blog that toxic leaders must be held accountable and in this blog suggest that we aren’t really wrestling with the toxic leader, but rather some ethereal something or other behind him/her?
It is, however, no conflict. It is not easy. But it is no conflict.
Accountability: Just as Adam was responsible in the Garden for his turning away from God, so too the toxic leaders is responsible for turning away from God. And biblically, he/she will be judged for his arrogance.
Perspective: However, as I go about seeking accountability for the toxic leader’s actions, I can fulfill Paul’s exhortations such as—
And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25 correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.
2 Timothy 2:24-26 (ESV)
Or . . .
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
Galatians 6:1 (ESV)
Or . . .
But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, 15 but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, 16 having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.
1 Peter 3:14-16 (ESV)
We can graciously bring accountability knowing that “they know not what they are doing” in a sense (Luke 23:341). We can have an attitude of winning the brother if he will be won (Mathew 18:152). Let gentleness and kindness rule in our hearts.
Also, know that the likelihood of an abuser changing his approach to leadership is as likely as a leopard changing his spots—there is significant research to prove that. So, if you confront go with your eyes wide-open. And keep in mind, confronting someone as dangerous as your boss can be a fool’s errand.
But, by all means bring accountability because ultimately this is kindness to the erring brother.
NOTES
Luke 23:34 (ESV) And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” ↩︎
Matthew 18:15 (ESV) “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. ↩︎
I would like to share with you a new spiritual abuse support group that my friend, Aaron Hann is starting. Aaron is a counselor and has had much success in helping survivors of spiritual abuse and religious trauma find healing.
Below is information and a link to his video describing this group. Here are the basics:
What: 24-week virtual support group for survivors of spiritual abuse and religious trauma.
When: Daytime CST (most likely Mondays or Fridays)
Tentative start date: TBD (Hopefully by March 2026 depending on interest)
You can read this or watch Aaron’s video, it’s the same content. This will take you to Aaron’s Substack site which is also a wonderful resource.
Scattered and Found
The name Scattered and Found comes from John 10:12 (where the wolf scatters the sheep) and John 9:35 (where Jesus finds the healed blind man who had been scattered). This group is a bit different from other short-term support groups, and I’m going to take some time to explain what it is all about. If you or someone you love might benefit from a group like this, I think the time to read or listen is worth it. It will help you decide if this group might be a good fit. I believe it can provide unique help to survivors struggling to reconnect with faith and spiritual community.
Why Support Groups?
One of the most painful realities in religious trauma healing is a paradox: we need community to heal; but community is what harmed us and thus feels dangerous. So how can we heal? One helpful avenue is through a support group of fellow sufferers who share your specific pain. While it doesn’t alleviate all of the reasonable doubts and fears, it often feels safer to heal alongside others healing from the same or similar experience. “Safety is the treatment,” and I put safety first in the designs for this group.
A Book and a Group
Scattered and Found is a support group, but specifically it is a book group, and so it has two elements: a book, and a group. I’m going to explain them in that order, but please don’t mistake the order for priority. The group is just as important as the book, and in some respects, more so. One can engage a book, even a book of the Bible, in isolation. Not so with a group.
The Book
This group is centered on a slow reading of the Gospel of John, for a very important and perhaps surprising reason: John was written for Christians suffering from trauma caused by religious abuse and oppression. There are many ways of explaining this. The quick version is that the group of Jewish believers for whom John was written, often known as the Johannine Community (ie the community of John), were kicked out of the Jewish synagogue and the entirety of their Jewish community because of their belief in Jesus. While there are many layers to this—ethnicity, culture, politics, and religion—it is the religious component that makes John especially relevant for religious trauma survivors in any setting.
I’m going to share just a few places in John’s narrative that give us glimpses of the traumatic experiences of the Johannine community. If you join this group, you will see even more of these signs of God speaking directly to your traumatic experiences and God’s healing grace. But since this theme is probably new, I don’t want you to just take my word for it. I’m reading these without explaining any story context; just pay attention to themes of fear, violence, conflict, and trauma.
First, there are repeated mentions of excommunication and the threat of religious persecution, notably, not from people of other faiths (ie Roman authorities), but from those who shared the same Jewish faith:
John 9:22 His parents said these things because they were afraid of the Jews, since the Jews had already agreed that if anyone confessed him as the Messiah, he would be banned from the synagogue.
John 9:34-35 “You were born entirely in sin,” they replied, “and are you trying to teach us?” Then they threw him out. [35] Jesus heard that they had thrown the man out, and when he found him, he asked, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”
John 12:42 Nevertheless, many did believe in him even among the rulers, but because of the Pharisees they did not confess him, so that they would not be banned from the synagogue.
John 15:20 “Remember the word I spoke to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours.”
John 16:2 They will ban you from the synagogues. In fact, a time is coming when anyone who kills you will think he is offering service to God.
Second, there are repeated mentions of religious violence and fear of religious authorities.
John 5:18 This is why the Jews began trying all the more to kill him: Not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal to God.
John 7:13 Still, nobody was talking publicly about him for fear of the Jews.
10:12 “The hired hand, since he is not the shepherd and doesn’t own the sheep, leaves them and runs away when he sees a wolf coming. The wolf then snatchesand scatters them.”
John 11:8 “Rabbi,” the disciples told him, “just now the Jews tried to stone you, and you’re going there again?”
John 12:10-11 But the chief priests had decided to kill Lazarus also, [11] because he was the reason many of the Jews were deserting them and believing in Jesus.
John 19:38 After this, Joseph of Arimathea, who was a disciple of Jesus—but secretly because of his fear of the Jews—asked Pilate that he might remove Jesus’s body.
John 20:19 When it was evening on that first day of the week, the disciples were gathered together with the doors locked because they feared the Jews.
John 20:26 A week later his disciples were indoors again, and Thomas was with them…[and] the doors were locked.
Can you hear the story? Why would there be so much repeated emphasis on fear and religious violence? Because that is what John’s audience lived through. John highlights those themes to point out how the story of Jesus speaks specifically to the lived experience of religious trauma.
The Group
One of John’s programmatic, foundational themes is that famous statement in 1:14, “The Word became flesh, and dwelt among us.” This group is a way for the Word to become flesh. After Jesus, the enfleshed Word, was raised and ascended to heaven, he sent the Spirit and became Word again in the pages of Scripture. We encounter the enfleshed Word in the Bible. “The gospel of John provides more than the fact of the Incarnation; through the very specific words the Word speaks, the gospel narrative enacts the Incarnation for the gospel’s readers.”1
And, as 1 John 4:12 makes clear, we encounter the divine Word in other brothers and sisters: “No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.” We are invited into a process, of Word becoming flesh [incarnation], expressed in words [inspired Scripture], and then those words put on flesh again among us in our love for one another. And we participate in the divine Word when we likewise allow the Word to be enfleshed among us.
It’s a reciprocal dynamic of finding our story in this story of the Word, which sheds further light on our story, which then invites the Word into our lives today by the presence of the Spirit who mediates the divine Word and the written Word.
Format
The basic format of the group is simple—on the surface more like a 12-step meeting or a Bible study. But it is a support group, and it’s not a traditional Bible study, nor is it a 12-step meeting. 21 of the meetings will be devoted to each of John’s 21 chapters. Additionally, we will have a joint intro session, a final closing session, and an (optional) individual session with me. Each meeting we will read the chapter aloud in the group, go through a round of sharing, read the chapter again, and then a second round of sharing. We also practice a short time of silence, starting at one minute and gradually working up to five minutes.
The key element that makes this group supportive and healing is that we will explicitly and intentionally read John in light of religious trauma and experiences of spiritual abuse/church harm/deconstruction/etc. That is literally why this Gospel was written and how it was intended to be read by the original audience. As Barbara Stewart put it when describing her trauma recovery groups for war veterans reading through Homer’s Odyssey and Iliad, “It is a book group where we put the text in the middle of the room and allow its meanings to resonate.”2 We will put the Fourth Gospel in the middle of the room and allow its meanings to resonate. Additionally, following Stewart, “[John] offers [survivors] a map for coming home. The reading group provides the opportunity to read the map.”3 Like traumatized war veterans being guided home in their reading of the Odyssey4, John guides traumatized believers to the home promised by Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (John 14:2, 17, 23). Only, as John tells us, we have a distinct advantage: Jesus promised his Spirit to all disciples, and promised that the Spirit “will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have told you” (14:26). “If this story is the story of the enfleshed Word, what happens to the words of the Word when the Incarnation comes to an end, as it will with Jesus’ death? The resolution, which Jesus himself offers within the framework of the story, is that the Paraclete will carry Jesus’ words into the future.”5 The Spirit leads us to the words of the Word in the Gospel of John so that they are not just words but, as Jesus said, “The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life” (6:63).
Not a Therapy Group
This group is designed to be supportive and to provide a place for belonging and healing through the sharing of personal experience. However, it is not group therapy in the sense of process groups or individualized work. While this group is for trauma survivors, it is not focused on the embodied wounds of trauma (nervous system regulation skills, etc.), nor is there focused education on abuse, trauma, and receovery (defining, recognizing, naming, etc.). Those are critical components of healing which can be addressed through counseling or other support groups. While this group is supportive in nature, at times a member can experience some discomfort. If this were to happen, or has a chance of happening, members are encouraged to have an outside counselor. I am also available for individual counseling and can be reached at hanncounseling@gmail.com and https://aaronjhann.com.
A Note on Potential Members
I will often refer to members as friends because of Jesus’ astounding statement in John 15:15, “I have called you friends.” It is possible that your group will have friends with some or all of these experiences: friends from toxic, abusive systems with harmful theology but without any specific abuser or abuse event; friends who were spiritually abused by peers; friends who were spiritually abused by parents; friends who were spiritually abused by pastors, teachers, and organizational leaders; and friends who were leaders abused by other leaders and/or congregants. (Of course, none of that excludes other forms of abuse in addition to the spiritual component). Depending on one’s personal experience, having friends with different experiences can be triggering. This is actually a good thing, though it isn’t easy. It creates the possibility of seeing the humanity in someone who, because of association with our own trauma, we might prejudge as bad/dangerous/untrustworthy. It is important to be aware of this possibility, but at the same time, all potential members are screened to ensure good fit and safety for the group.
24 Weeks?
24 weeks is long. That’s basically six months. Change takes time. Healing and repair, when lasting, takes time. I recognize six months might sound like too much. As a survivor of religious trauma you may not even know what your life will look like in 6 months, what job you will have, where you will live. That’s okay. You will get more out of this group if you can attend every meeting, but attendance is certainly not mandatory. I am asking members to commit to a minimum of 18 sessions (about 75% of the group). General consistency is for the good of the group as well as each member, and a consistent place of belonging can re-ignite and sustain hope, whatever your unique season of life.
Book/Word and Group/Flesh
I call this a “book group,” and I use that phrase intentionally. It is word and flesh. Scripture and embodied relationship (even if we aren’t in the same room together).
Now, you might find one or both of the elements—the book and the group—triggering and daunting. Religious groups are scary after spiritual abuse. The Bible is scary after spiritual abuse. But we need both: we need grace from God offered to us in his Word, and we need that grace to be Spiritually mediated through connection with others. My aim is for this book group to provide a safe environment—kind of like the locked room in which the disciples hid from the dangerous religious authorities in John 20. They still locked the room one week later even though Jesus had already proclaimed to them the shalom of God in his healed hands and side (20:26). This group is a room where you can meet Jesus again, in the middle of your fear, joining hands with fellow traumatized brothers and sisters.
If you are doubting in the wake of trauma, wrestling with what you believe, asking questions while also afraid to ask questions, this book group is for you.
If you were abused by a pastor, religious leader, and/or church community, this book group is for you.
If you were silenced, forced out, or kicked out of your church, this book group is for you.
If church and faith stirs fear and anger and other negative emotions, this book group is for you.
If you feel like an outcast and are searching for where you belong, this book group is for you.
If you were betrayed and scandalized by a trusted leader or group of leaders, this book group is for you.
This book is for you, and this group is for you, and I look forward to taking this journey through John together.
Interest
If this interests you, please submit your information at this link: Google Interest Form.
If you think this group might benefit a friend, relative, or person under your care, please consider sharing this information.
Testimonials from previous members:
“The time spent in this group is precious. I found the community, support, and discussions in this group healing. Reading through the book of John together and sharing stories and perspectives created a safe space for personal growth.” — Anonymous
“You’re not alone. Come join and see how not alone you are.” — Anonymous
“This group is truly wonderful. It is a safe place to feel seen, heard, and share the scripture together. I highly recommend this group and Aaron Hann’s other services. He’s so knowledgeable, caring, and offers transformational support.” — Anonymous
NOTES
1 Gail O’Day, “‘I have said these things to you…’: The Unsettled Place of Jesus’ Discourses in Literary Approaches to the Fourth Gospel,” in Word, Theology, and Community in John, edited by John Painter, Alan Culpepper, and Fernando Segovia (Chalice Press, 2022), 153.
2 Roberta Stewart, “Amphora: Ancient Narratives and Modern War Stories: Reading Homer with Combat Veterans” (Society for Classical Studies, August 8, 2015), 5.
Recently I came across a passage in the history of the early church.
Acts 21 in the Bible presents Luke’s story of his and his companions—including Paul—arrival in Jerusalem.
All along the way, as they stopped off in various communities, there were those in the churches who prophesied that Paul would be put “in chains” if he went to Jerusalem.
And so it goes.
Zealous for the Law
When Paul, Luke, and their other fellow travelers arrive, there is a joyful reunion with the church. As they all shared together what God had been doing through the various ministries of those present, they “glorified God.”
So far so good.
However, something struck me for the first time the other day after many readings of this passage over the last 45 years. Immediately, on the heals of Paul sharing the incredible, earth-shaking news that many of those outside the Jewish religion were turning to Jesus Christ, there is an immediate damper.
I am sure Paul was very excited to share his news. But there is no sense in Scripture that there is any reveling in God’s amazing grace as they heard the news. Instead, there is a bit of a one-ups-man-ship among the other believers there. Hear their response:
You see, brother, how many thousands there are among the Jews of those who have believed. They are all zealous for the law, 21 and they have been told about you that you teach all the Jews who are among the Gentiles to forsake Moses, telling them not to circumcise their children or walk according to our customs. 22 What then is to be done? They will certainly hear that you have come.
Acts 21:20-22
First they note that “many thousands” of Jews had come to believe in Christ. Then they note they are “zealous for the law.”
Zealousness for the law is okay if it means we love the holiness of God and how he has expressed that holiness through His law. However, what seems apparent is that the zealotry is more Pharisaic than the Psalm 119 kind of joy in the law.
Notice that these church leaders follow up the “I can do one better with thousands of Jews” comment with YOU ARE THE MAN who is causing trouble here. Paul’s teaching—which was coming from a reformed Pharisee, mind you—was it was unnecessary to be circumcised to be a follower of Jesus. Paul worked exceptionally hard at teaching the church to not add rules to Scripture. His old way was to hold legalistically to the law and the addition of many interpretations of the law that had become law in themselves—Pharisaism.
Forsaking Moses meant these Jews thought Paul cared nothing for Old Testament Judaism—which is certainly not true. Jesus confirmed the Old Testament law, but also explained how the Pharisees—and other Jewish groups—had taught the law as a means to be saved rather than as a guide to recognizing their need for a Savior. That was never the intent of the law.
So, “What then is to be done?”
Giving In
After reading all that has gone before in the various villages they had visited, you get the sense that these brothers are hoping to keep Paul from being chained—even by fellow believers who were angry about his teaching on the law.
So they suggest:
We have four men who are under a vow; 24 take these men and purify yourself along with them and pay their expenses, so that they may shave their heads. Thus all will know that there is nothing in what they have been told about you, but that you yourself also live in observance of the law.
Acts 21:23-24
Paul is to fulfill this Pharisaical practice of the law in order to please these folks who continue to think these things are necessary to make God happy.
When in Rome do as the Romans do.
Paul is a big believer in that idea. Whereas it is not breaking God’s law, he was happy to do as others do in order to reach them with the Gospel.
But, what we find here is that Pharisees—whether as members in the group or simply of heart—are never satisfied.
Paul did what they called him to do but it didn’t matter. Paul is reviled and seized by these Jews: “
‘Men of Israel, help! This is the man who is teaching everyone everywhere against the people and the law and this place’ . . . Then all the city was stirred up, and the people ran together. They seized Paul and dragged him out of the temple.”
It Cannot be Mollified
Pharisaism cannot be mollified. Paul, nor Jesus, ever makes excuses for it. Though Paul, in this instance, appears to have tried to calm the anxiety created by the Pharisees, he didn’t succeed.
Pharisaic teaching and practice are destructive. Paul continually fought against it (see Galatians 3:1f; Colossians 2:20-23). He called out, by name, those who were leading the fledgling church astray by its legalistic teaching (see the whole book of Galatians).
I believe I can safely say that some form of modern Phariseeism is behind a huge percentage of the church leadership abuse cases of which I have had contact.
In these cases, leaders held unswervingly to a belief or practice that was either outright unbiblical or based on an interpretation that was not clearly biblical. It is that interpretation that is blown up into an absolute that so often gets the leader in trouble.
A leader may take a view of pro-marriage and create a law unto itself without recognizing the principles behind the biblical authors’ writings that provide the heart and soul of marriage: a loving committed covenant between two people. And just as God “divorced” his people, so too those who have been rejected by their spouse through abuse are allowed to divorce—the abuser’s actions are called desertion in biblical terms.
A leader may consider those who question his wisdom as being unsubmissive to authority. But he is only looking at the parts of the verses that call on those under man’s authority to submit (Romans 13:1). He does not pay any attention to the meaning of “for he is God’s servant for your good” (Romans 13:4) or the verses calling him to account for his leadership failures (1 Peter 3:7).
So, these leaders run with their incomplete interpretations of Scripture and make a ruin of lives.
One look at the Gospels and you will recognize the abuse heaped upon God’s people by the Pharisees. The church must reject the modern-day Pharisees wherever they find them.
NOTE:
As a closing note, it is helpful to see that Paul’s end goal in walking towards the toxic leaders resulted in accomplishing the goal he had. Paul, writing to the Philippians church from prison:
I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ. And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear.
A friend of mine says, “Leadership is easy when things are easy. But real leadership happens when things are difficult.”1
It is in those challenging times that the real heart of the leader becomes evident. All sorts of airs can be put on when everyone is getting along, the production is going strong, relationships are amicable.
However, when the leadership is challenged or anxiety in the organization is high—then leadership becomes. . . leadership.
Seven Sentences
Paul, in his letter to the Roman church, provides in seven (English) sentences a beautiful summation of how all people are to engage others—and how leaders should understand their own approach to leadership.
Paul says,
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Romans 12:14-18 (ESV)
There are three character traits invaluable to the leader’s ministry to others:
Temperance.
Empathy.
Humility.
Temperance
The first thing Paul says, and similarly two other times, is to be peaceful.
This goes against so much of what is touted of leadership. Leaders are often expected to be brash, bold, uncompromising, and aggressive. Our political leaders have raised the rhetoric of leadership to new heights of anger, arrogance, and falsehood. Many tout such behavior as “leadership”.
It gets attention and many leaders now think this is appropriate, and even good.
However, Paul says in four different ways that we are not to fight back against those who criticize, live in harmony, and be at peace.
There are times when criticism comes that needs an answer. Scripture is also concerned with truth-telling and accuracy of information (not bearing false witness). And this is why we can say that Christians are not to be doormats—seeking peace does not always mean giving in.
But the leader needs to carefully weigh the wisdom in responding to attacks from subordinates or their stakeholders. And particularly, he/she needs to weigh his/her words carefully to be sure they are full of grace. Often what is taken as persecution is really just well-aimed criticism that is hard to take.
Leaders must always remember that those attacking—or simply exhorting—are bearers of the image of God. As such, they should be treated with care, respect, and honor.
The biblical expectation of the leader is to be “sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable . . . not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome” (1 Timothy 3:2-3) as Paul explains to Timothy regarding Elders in the church. These are all words that describe a temperate person—one who is not easily riled.
I remember hearing of a 19th Century preacher who when it was suggested he stand up against the unmerited attacks of others—which he didn’t—said, “If they really knew how bad I am it would be even worse.”
Here was a temperate leader.
Empathy
Empathy has been attacked by Christian and non-Christian alike as an inadequate way to engage others while they are suffering. Being empathic may squelch saying what might need to be said.
However, Christians cannot jump on that bandwagon. Though there are cautions, Scripture is replete with examples of empathic engagement (see 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 especially). Paul says here, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”
The point of that little statement is to encourage feeling what the other is feeling. “Rejoice” is an heart attitude. It is an emotion. Weeping comes from the heart as well. These are both emotions based on the emotions of the person with whom we are engaging.
The leader—and all of us—are called to empathize with those under our oversight. If we do this we will refrain from trying to “control” the person in unhelpful ways. It will help the leader consider carefully his responses, policies, and care for his subordinates.
Humility
In the middle of verse 16, Paul takes a shot at arrogance. He says,
“Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.”
Remember when in elementary school someone who associated with poor and unpopular kids would be derided? The disdain heaped upon the poor kid would be directed at those who would give aid or comfort?
The Christian leader is called to take special care of those who are on the bottom rungs of their social ladder. It takes additional effort for those in high positions to do this.
And it takes a humble view of self.
All a leader needs to do is recognize his equal place before God among all, what he may consider, the riff-raff of life (Galatians 3:28) . In God’s reality, the leader is of no greater importance than the lowest paid, least esteemed subordinate in his organization.
Just a look at one’s heart should help humble the leader. He may outwardly gain all sorts of notoriety, but when considering his own failures—that no one sees—he should be able to humbly engage those down the ladder.
Learn from the World?
Leaders tend to learn from the world. The world might teach arrogance, control, and manipulation. But the Christian leader has a higher calling.
God calls you to temperance, empathy, and humility.
NOTES
Dr. Anders Örtenblad, Professor of Working Life Science, University of Agder, Norway. ↩︎
Scripture is full of twists and turns that help us navigate the complexities of our world.
Some would call them inconsistencies. Or in need of complicated justifications. However, I would call it God’s wisdom in speaking to our ever complex circumstances.
One such twist is how Scripture handles “turning the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39). It is not uncommon to hear sermons and Bible studies based on the idea that as Christians we should be doormats. It is part of teaching on submission in the Bible.
Twists and Turns
However, there are also turns in Scripture that throw us off guard. This is because Scripture was written not to give us a specific law for every eventuality in which we find ourselves. As the author of the “Divorce and Domestic Abuse” section in the DASA Report, Shane Waldron, notes,
[I]f we interpret Scripture through the lens of modern law, we will most likely arrive at a very different answer than if we read it as law from the Ancient Near East.
Ad Interim Study Committee on Domestic Abuse and Sexual Assault for the Presbyterian Church in America, Attachment 11
Our American viewpoint on law is just not the same as Scripture’s. They understood laws in a “principled” way. The big picture is given in the Bible in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20) and then given hands and feet in principles through case laws that are found throughout. These “case laws” help us understand the complexities of our situations.
For example, the Ten Commandments tell us we cannot murder. But, murder must be defined more carefully. So, the case law notes that killing someone in self-defense is not punishable as murder (Exodus 22:2). There are other defining characteristics as to what “murder” should be considered.
Turning the Other Cheek
So, too we need to be careful in what we expect of people when it comes to submission to evil. What I mean by that is how we determine when we should turn the other cheek to those who do harm.
A curious defining moment for those under toxic leadership comes in Paul’s second letter to the Corinthian church. He says,
Since many boast according to the flesh, I too will boast. 19 For you gladly bear with fools, being wise yourselves! 20 For you bear it if someone makes slaves of you, or devours you, or takes advantage of you, or puts on airs, or strikes you in the face. 21 To my shame, I must say, we were too weak for that!
2 Corinthians 11:18-21 (ESV)
Paul’s writing reeks of sarcasm here as it does in other places. The Corinthian church had gone far astray since Paul brought the Gospel to Corinth around 50 AD. He wrote the words above around 4-6 years later. There were some pretty serious problems that had popped up in that time.
There were those who were abusing their authority in the church, teaching contrary to Paul’s apostolic authority. In this passage, Paul’s sarcasm is directed at the followers. He is calling them to action.
Submission That is Not God’s Desire
When it comes to those who are abusing their authority, Paul would suggest that submission is not the desire of God. Here submission is to God who overrules wicked authority.
Paul describes it as bearing “with fools, being wise yourselves!” Putting up with wicked authority is no godly. When doing so, followers are allowing the leader(s) to “make slaves of you, or [devour] you, or [take] advantage of you.”
Paul, in his writing, can be harsh. But that harshness is intended to relieve those oppressed by that which God despises. God despises leaders who take advantage and oppress their subjects (Ezekiel 34). Paul, though sarcastic towards these followers in Corinth, is particularly looking out for the flock there.
This is not a call to be overly critical of leaders in Christian organizations.
Scripture still makes it evident that the default position of those under various authorities to recognize and submit to those authorities as God-given.
However, this perspective must also be balanced with Scripture’s continual call to leaders to lead under the direction of their LORD and for followers to hold leaders accountable to that same standard.
One of the most damaging things to an organization is a leader who is a hypocrite.
The Oxford Dictionary defines hypocrisy as
the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform; pretense.
This is particularly true for a Christian organization. This is why:
“You who boast in the law dishonor God by breaking the law. 24 For, as it is written, “The name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”
Romans 2:23-24
There Goes the Neighborhood
A recent article I read from the days of yore when Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were battling it out for their party’s nominations for President provides some interesting perspective.1
Leaders play a crucial role in establishing their organizations’ social structures, and successful organizations need to function like a neighborhood.Neighbors look out for each other and rally to work on projects, knowing that when they need help, other members of the community will step up to assist them.
When leaders say one thing and do another, they are destroying the “social structures” that make the organization operate effectively.
The article notes that followers pay attention to the leader’s commitment to their long-term well-being. If the leader’s integrity is questioned, then the “long-term” doesn’t look so good. Who can say what the leader says he will do is what he will indeed do?
If the Christian leader speaks adamantly of God’s Word as the fundamental driving force in his life and yet secretly, or not so secretly, ignores the Word in his everyday life, he is but a clanging gong (1 Corinthians 13). He cannot be trusted.
The “Best Practice Institute” puts it this way:
As the neighborhood dissolves, the organization functions more like a collection of strangers. When strangers interact, they have to settle up their debts in the moment. You can’t go to your local supermarket and borrow a dozen eggs because the supermarket can’t be confident that you’d show up later to pay for them. You can go to your neighbor and borrow eggs, though, because you have a trusted relationship.
The integrity of the leader matters. Hypocrisy, the failure to conform to those beliefs of which the leader espouses, destroys trust, engagement, and even the integrity of followers. Followers follow their leader.
Words and Actions
A consistent part of the Biblical witness and as it turns out, the perspective presented by this article, is that actions really matter; in fact, they show what the leader has purposed in his heart.
We show whether we really believe our beliefs by our actions. And when it is the law of God as Romans says that we are proclaiming as the system of our beliefs, then the breaking of those proclamations destroy our credibility. Leaders are on display nearly everyday of their lives. This becomes incredibly important.
Paul, in his letter to the Romans, goes on to say:
[A]nd if you are sure that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness, 20 an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of children, having in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth— 21 you then who teach others, do you not teach yourself?
Romans 2:19-21
What it means to be taught in Scripture is that we take the words down deep and live those words in our actions. Both things. It is not about gaining a boatload of knowledge and ignoring it when putting our hands to the plow.
Education in the Hebrew sense meant to be overcome by the words towards behavior that reflected that knowledge.
What is the Impact?
Paul says to the Romans that the witness of those who ignore their beliefs—behaving hypocritically—destroys the witness they have to the watching world.
Paul uses the “Gentiles” as the intended audience to the hypocrisy because at that time, those who were not Jews were those who were mostly outside the newborn Christian religion. They were only beginning to come in faith in Jesus Christ. Paul was deeply concerned that these people who were an important focus of his ministry would not be turned away from Jesus by His followers acting hypocritically.
How do we apply this to our organizational leaders?
We must hold high standards for our leaders. Mind you, our leaders will always fail. We are sinful people, no matter how high our position is. Each will fail in various ways.
However, along with those failures, humility—a common theme for these pages—will be evident in those same leaders who blow it by espousing one belief and acting in another. These leaders will recognize their failure, confess that failure willingly, turn from those failures (repentance), and finally make restitution happily.
These humble leaders are those who truly have a belief they proclaim, but sometimes fall to the temptation of expediency—or concupiscence—and in turn need to confess and make right.
But, keep in mind, there are failures that disqualify our leaders. Depending on the kind of leadership and authority they have been given, the failure may be such that even their humility cannot prevent long-term distrust.
In these cases, the leader should willingly step down from his position and seek a new “calling” in God’s kingdom.
Leaders need the trust of followers and hypocrisy is one sure way to destroy that.
In this four-part series on the book of James from the Bible I have sought to look into how the brother of Jesus handles the evil of abusive behavior and motives.
This final installment looks at how James wraps up his theme. It is very helpful in providing the prescription for leaders seeking to turn from abusiveness.
What Is the Leader to Do?
James is speaking to all of us and we should all take note. We have all been here. We are not just victims of vicious speech and behavior from bosses. We are the man who has hurt others and sought after self-indulgence.
However, once again, this blog is about leadership, so I want to particularly focus on toxic leadership from James’ perspective.
James says the prescription for good leadership is “humble yourself.”
Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. [James 4:9-12]
The number one solution to toxic leadership (as it is for all abuse) is humility.
Clothed in Humility
When a survivor of domestic violence determines that her husband has truly turned from his abusiveness, she describes his genuine sense of the wrong he has committed against her. There can be no confidence in his repentance until he has truly humbled himself and recognized his deep wrongfulness.
So too, it is to humility the toxic leader must turn. He must become clothed in that humility “before the Lord” as James says.
And it is not just a mental, cognitive turning in humility—it is a deep groaning and grief over personal arrogance.
Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
James is pleading; he is imploring leaders to dig deep—to allow the failure to wash over them.
And it is a genuine humility, not a sociopathic manipulative humility. The abusive leader must not be seeking to regain control of a situation in which he has lost dominance.
Fraud
James ends his book with similar thematic ideas to sections throughout the book; he makes one last call to refrain from oppressing others.
You have lived on the earth in luxury and in self-indulgence. You have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter. 6 You have condemned and murdered the righteous person. He does not resist you. [James 5:5-6]
The toxic leader, as explained in another blog, is all about self-indulgence.
Just before this verse James says,
Behold, the wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, are crying out against you, and the cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord of hosts.
The toxic leader in his indulgence is stealing from his workers.
Just the law in the ancient near East provided principles of which to apply to divergent circumstances, so we need to look at James’ principle here.
Noted by the LORD
There are two things happening here specifically: The boss is withholding what is due his employees (not paying wages) and the cries from those who are oppressed are heard and noted by the Lord.
In the immediate context of these verses James is speaking firstly to the leader, condemning his “self-indulgence.” This leads the leader to take advantage of and crush (oppress in Bible terms) those under his power. He has all the power over his employees and is taking advantage to get what he wants for his own pleasure as James says in 4:2.
And secondly, James is saying the LORD hates it. When the LORD heard the cries of the Israelites when they were oppressed by the Egyptians (under oppressive slavery), the LORD brought miraculous judgment upon the Egyptians in the form of the ten plagues that nearly destroyed their country. All because of a toxic leader at the helm of the nation.
Without knowing the mind of James, we can be nearly assured that he is hearkening back to this well-known Jewish story here in his writing.
What Are the Principles?
So what are the principles we can draw from this?
First of all, James is not only talking to farmers, though he specifically is using that particular industry from that agrarian society of the first Century. If he were focused on farming, the vast majority of God’s church would have nothing to learn from this.
Again, we can expect the “laws” laid down in Scripture are primarily understood to be taken as principles to apply to our own circumstances that may be a little or a lot different than that described in Scripture.
The principle James is providing—I would suggest—is that those who have power over others must forgo self-indulgence and treat those under their power with fairness, mercy, and grace. That is the witness of Scripture for all (Ephesians 4:25-32; 5:21; Colossians 3:12; Galatians 5:22), and more so for those who have such a huge impact on the lives of others such as leaders—another principle in Scripture.
The Result
The result for refusing to follow the principle laid forth by James can only be described as catastrophic.
James says that which the leader indulges in—described as “gold and silver” by James—will be corroded. The value placed in what the toxic one is desiring will disappear. In Isaiah the LORD warns that all that silver and gold His people pursue to indulge their desires will provide no means of escape from the LORD’s wrath (Ezekiel 7:19).
God hears the cries. If you are mistreating those under your authority and power, be warned. There can be no winning against the LORD of the heavens and earth.
James says to the oppressor, “[Your subordinate] does not resist you.”
In the American church we have a determined focus on desires for wrongful sex, but James—the writer of the book by that name in the New Testament—has a distinctively different focus: broken relationships. He zeros in on fights of which there are many between a toxic leader and his/her subordinates.
James uses the word ἐπιθυμία (epithymia) in chapter one of his letter to the church. It means “a longing (especially for what is forbidden): — concupiscence, desire, lust (after).”1
James is noting that we have innate desires that come from the fall of man into sin. We are born with these desires. And it is those desires that tempt us to act in sinful ways—to turn away from God and pursue those wrongful desires.
What you may find interesting is that James only once mentions sexual sin (James 2:11) where he explains that keeping your nose clean in one area of sin, but not another, does not make a person righteous. His example is in refusing to commit adultery while murdering someone—which in Jesus’ words is the same as being unjustifiably angry at someone (Matthew 5:22).
But falling in one point, he says, is tantamount to falling in all points.
But that is it for sexual sin in James’ writing. James’ focus is on relationships and particularly what comes out of our mouths. Why do the words of the toxic leader tear down and destroy?
Desires
James says:
But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. (James 1:14-15)
We would understand these “desires” to be lusts after power, wealth, sex, and all kinds of things that take the place of God in our lives—in essence, idols.
From this statement early in his letter to the churches, James builds a understanding of the evils we have been writing about in this series of blogs. He makes clear that indeed, they must be fought—by the Holy Spirit—in our lives and that those desires are deep within us.
So, later in chapter four, James writes,
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.
In James 4:1 he speaks generally of “disputes” and “controversy” among God’s people. And gives the reason why they erupt: you desire and do not have. This applies to all of us, but this blog is about toxic leadership.
Adoration, Control and Self-Satisfaction
So, what does a toxic leader desire and not get?
Though we cannot know the heart of another person, by their behavior it appears that the toxic leader desires adoration, control, and/or self-satisfaction.
And the toxic leader believes he/she is entitled to these things.
It is not that he needs to gain the respect of others through godly behavior and genuine love for others; it is that he is entitled to these self-centered pleasures by his very nature. Rather than behaving in kind and respectful ways to his subordinates with the desire to gain these self-serving “needs”, the toxic leader often authoritatively controls them, often with harsh words and threats.
The toxic leader thinks this is the sure way of receiving adoration, control, and self-satisfaction.
Threats and Isolation
Those threats can take the form of firings or isolation (among other things). The threat of the loss of job is easily identified. The threat may be direct or implied.
However, isolation can be much more hidden.
As Padilla notes,
“Destructive leaders describe dissidents and rivals in terms designed to devalue and isolate them while promoting in-group solidarity—e.g., Hitler’s portrayal of Jews as unsanitary (Epstein, 2002) or Castro’s description of dissidents as immoral.” 2
Here are some possible actions by toxic leaders to isolate subordinates who don’t fall in line.
The leader may make clear through veiled threats to others that if fellow workers back up the target of his abuse, they will face the same ostracization the target has. The leader may mock them or make them seem “toxic” to their peers.
The leader may give the more important projects to others, leaving the target out in the cold.
The leader may socialize with others while obviously leaving targets off his social calendar.
The leader may refuse to introduce his target to important colleagues, managers, or clients.
The leader may keep the target “out of the loop.” He may do so by neglecting to include them in key meetings, emails, or conference calls. 3
James goes on in verse two to plead with those who are fighting and quarreling because they don’t get what they want:
You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
He begins by simply suggesting, “Just ask for it!” But that is not all.
Motives
Why do you want these things? James challenges, “[B]ecause you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.”
James say your motives stink.
The toxic leader has unrequited desires and it is because he/she is wrong in desiring them. He wants to be the center. He wants to be glorified. He wants to have while others do not.
This brings to mind the story of Narcissus—the namesake of the Narcissistic personality disorder—who saw his reflection in the water, fell in love with himself, yet was unable to receive any love in return from the reflection.
So, in verse nine James says,
Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
Humble yourself, toxic leader.
Mourn and weep. Fall to your knees before the Lord.
Unfortunately, this is just too much for most toxic leaders. Though I have read one toxic leader’s own account of turning from his abusive leadership,4 it is a rare thing for these leaders to humble themselves, recognizing their destructive leadership.
But we continue to call leaders, including ourselves, to a heart that seeks to serve subordinates and not ourselves. To mourn and weep when we hurt and isolate others under our care. To turn away from those innate desires that wage a war against good leadership.
Padilla, Art, Robert Hogan, and Robert B. Kaiser. “The Toxic Triangle: Destructive Leaders, Susceptible Followers, and Conducive Environments.” The Leadership Quarterly 18 (June 2007): 176–94. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.leaqua.2007.03.001, p. 181. ↩︎
In this second look at the book of James, we will consider the center of toxic leadership. As was noted in part one of this series, much teaching in leadership circles looks at the outward behavior of the leader as the standard.
I have had the pleasure and privilege of writing alongside academic researchers in the field of toxic leadership—not because I am particularly an academic mind you—and have noticed this particular bent. I understand it and am not opposed to what is being written. Just as the US military takes a decidedly behavioral perspective in its training and discipline (as a friend told me), so too I know in the business world it is more feasible to look at the outward actions of leaders. There is the view that as long as you keep your toxins inside, you are golden as a leader.
However, as a Christian writing mostly to those confronted by toxic leadership in Christian organizations—including the church—I am concerned about leaders who may get a free pass because their toxins are covered up—at least for a time.
And that is a very important point; I believe toxic leadership will [nearly] always raise its ugly head at some point if the leader has a heart that is bent that way.
And so, this blog is looking at what James says about the heart. Because it is getting to the beast within that is going to truly and actually impact the toxic leader’s behavior and help in bringing accountability.
James says in 3:13:
Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.
Notice the interesting interplay here. James first points to the heart: “wise and understanding”. Those are heart issues—the inner man. What does he think and feel. Is he “wise and understanding?”
Then he goes on to note that behavior should come from wisdom and understanding. His good conduct will show whether he is wise or not. His behavior will show what is in his heart.
Then James goes on to explain more:
But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. 15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.
When toxic leaders are described, it is usually with terms like arrogance, liar, entitled, controlling, harsh, and overly demanding.
James goes so far as to say that these heart attitudes—jealousy, selfish ambition—are demonic. That is strong stuff. And not only that, these attitudes give rise to “disorder and every vile practice.”
It comes from the inner man.
If the thinking, emotions, and will are evil then the behavior will be. It may be controlled sometimes out of necessity to keep the job or wife or the respect of others. But the evil will in the end get the best of the most self-controlled of leaders and there will be disorder and vile practices.
Where does oppressive behavior come from? It comes from the heart of man.
Therefore all attempts at coaching or counseling must be directed to the heart of man. It is not enough to give him a nicer suit or less angry words. You can’t dress him up from the outside.
The book of James in the Bible is full of teaching on the abusive heart.
Though it speaks generally to all people, it also has specific value for leaders—those with formal or informal power over others.
After providing a beautiful and life-changing discussion on how to persevere under trials, James begins to delve into the heart of oppressive behavior. The warning shot comes in verse 19 of the first chapter:
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
“Angry” is often a descriptive term for those who are abusive of others. Though anger is not normally at the heart of the abusive leader’s problem—rather entitlement and control—it is a means and method for achieving these desires of the abuser.
This one sentence written by James, the brother of Jesus Christ, is antithetical to anger.
Listen.
Wait.
Be right.
A leader who fails to listen to others is not producing “the righteousness of God.” He has his own views, rights, and privileges in mind, not the good of others or the organization he serves. Listening to others implies truly hearing what they have to say and giving them the respect they deserve as God’s image bearers.
This can be applied as well to the leader who seemingly listens to and yet ignores his subordinates. The term “hear” means “to attend to, consider what is or has been said.” Again, is he giving honor to those who serve at his behest? Hearing means truly listening . . . no just acting like it.
Hypocrisy
James goes on in this same passage to challenge those who are wrapped up in a “Christiany” image but are in fact hypocrites. They put on an act of being Christian by spouting biblical sounding speeches, but in fact do not actually live those same words in their daily lives and leadership:
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. 24 For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. [James 1:22-24]
These “Christian” leaders appear to hear the words of God but immediately turn away from them in their daily life. They are surrounded by the Word of God—in the organization masthead, organization chapels, staff meetings, church partnering—but it is all just window-dressing. Often the leader is more concerned about funding the organization than he is about following Christ “whether he eats or drinks, or whatever he does.”
So, he speaks a good line that sounds Christian for all the donors and likely the staff, but his heart is really far from it.
Out of the Mouth
In verse 26, James brings the tongue back into the discussion:
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. 27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
James takes a hard stance against the evil that comes out of the mouth. It comes back over and over again.
Much of our “behavior” —outward actions—is how we speak to and about others. Just as James says, our tongues are fires (James 3:5), ready to accomplish our scorched earth policies.
Does the leader think of himself, and even defend himself as a good Christian? Does he see himself as religious—after all, he runs a Christian organization or goes to church regularly, maybe even is a Sunday school teacher, or fills the pulpit periodically.
James says, if he “does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.“
In chapter three James goes on with further criticism of those who use the tongue abusively:
For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing.
Deadly Poison
“Deadly poison.” Strong words. James shows the incomprehensibility of those who claim to love Christ and yet “curse” others. The Greek term καταράομαι (curse) means to “curse, doom, imprecate evil upon” someone else.
As poison it hurts and kills. Though sticks and stones can break our bones, cursing others is murderous. It destroys the emotional and spiritual health of others. It often destroys other’s relationship with the Lord having come from a “Christian” leader.
James, by inspiration of the Holy Spirit, gets the harm abusive words cause.
The hypocrisy of those who lead a Christian organizations—or any other organization for that matter—claiming to be a follower of Christ and yet behaving with a pattern of abusive language is beyond comprehension.
Appropriately, James has the strongest words for those who tear down others with their words—words that should give life and hope to others.
Do you take seriously the words that come from your mouth. Do you stop. Listen. And then respectfully hear the words of those under your formal or informal authority? If you continually justify yourself, you need to delve deeper into your heart.
Abusive leadership is a pattern of behavior that tears down others and it is so often with words—even words that sound Christian.
