The abuse of leadership does not just appear out of the blue.
It has roots and a heart.
When we talk about abuse, we talk about patterns of behavior—coercive, controlling, and punishing behaviors. But we do not stop there.
The Difficulty of Transformation
It is rooted deeply in the heart. Behaviors are simple outward manifestations of something much deeper.
Therefore, the way to transformation is through the heart; not a five-, ten-, or fifteen-step program of changed behavior.
When seeking change in an abusive leader, it must be kept in mind that he or she is deeply deceived.
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
Jeremiah 17:9 (ESV)
And this is why abuse advocates have so little confidence in the abusive leader to change.
Have you ever confronted an abuser? Did you see a humble recognition of their wicked heart? Did you see the dawning light in their eyes as they recognized their controlling heart and mean spirit? Did they even two days later come back to you and confess their thoughts of control and domination and ask forgiveness?
I know the answer to those rhetorical questions. At least 99% of the time.
Moral Concern for Others
So, how can transformation take place? How can an abusive leader be changed?
In a recent article by Kevin Brown in “The Dispatch“, the writer hit the nail on the head. Change is not through “thinly constituted reasoning”, as Brown puts it, but through “a story that shapes our moral imagination and directs our lives toward others.”
Brown says,
The Christian tradition has a word for this: discipleship. A call not merely to know what is right, but to become the kind of people who do the right thing. That is, both a desire for the good and the capacity to carry it out.
He noted that change in mankind—for good—comes through “discipleship”.
Brown says,
It is our day-to-day roots, not abstract reason, that will cultivate the virtuous life and our moral concern for others.
But discipleship means there is a “follower” who desires to learn from the one discipling him. And this again can be a nail in the coffin of transformation—most abusers don’t see it and so don’t think they need transformation. Why would they seek out discipleship?
The Ultimate Transformer
This is where Christ comes in . . . though He has been there all the time, mind you.
If Christ resurrected, this changes everything. All the maps have been redrawn. The world is upside down. Things are not as they seem. The truth of this story demands, says the hymnist, “my soul, my life, my all.”
It is only through Christ that a leader can even develop the desire to seek to know oneself; to know the sin that lies deeply hidden in his soul. To become a disciple.
This is the ultimate way that a leader will change his spots.
Yes, there are ways of seeking accountability: bringing pressure from boards; confrontations; firings; required batterer intervention programs. We have seen leaders seek heart change as a result of these accountability measures.
But ultimately, these only work when Christ chooses to bring pressure, confront, and bring consequences in order to discipline the toxic leader.
For if, because of [Adam’s] trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:17 (ESV)
We must rely upon Christ. Ultimately, transformation is His gift from Jesus Christ to the leader and organization and even the world around the leader.
Blessed is the man whom you discipline, O LORD, and whom you teach out of your law.
Ted’s story is hard to even start the telling. His story is a call to the church to be the church.
The brokenness of leadership in his denomination is so overwhelming that you begin to wonder if there is any real church left. Jesus’ church is redeemed and beautiful to Him, yet she so often acts as if she would have nothing to do with Him.
Jesus surely loves His bride, but at times I find that surprising.
Ted’s Story
It began several years ago when a committee was formed in Ted’s denomination’s regional leadership to investigate charges of sexual harassment against one of the pastors.
The committee, that acts a bit like a Grand Jury in the regional grouping of churches, presented a one-page summation of their investigation. They said they found no reason to move towards a trial as there were no strong reasons to suggest the pastor was guilty.
Ted found it strange that the summation said there was no guilt, but the committee provided “pastoral corrections” in the summation due to his “sexual misconduct.” He thought, “If there is no guilt, why would there be corrections to be made in his ministry?”
Ted and others asked for the full report—which was four pages long—but were refused. However, they discovered there had been one woman who acted as an “advisor” to the committee and she had published a “minority opinion.”
That sounded suspicious.
Ted began to speak with others, including women who were connected in some way to the case. In time, he determined he should stand up and be counted, filing a complaint with the regional leadership seeking justice for the women (multiple) who had reported the sexual misconduct.
In addition, he found that there had been multiple reports of impropriety against the pastor for at least five years before.
At this point, he told his wife, Rebecca that three things were going to happen:
There was going to be a huge move to exonerate the pastor.
He would be accused of having an affair with one of the women the pastor sexually harrassed.
It would all end with Ted being charged with something.
The Pastor’s Power Play
Ted’s complaint was refused and so he took it to the “supreme court” of his denomination for a ruling. That “court” upheld his complaint and ordered that a new investigative committee be appointed by the regional leadership.
However, a group of pastors suggested that an independent organization be hired by the regional leadership to investigate the charges. If they followed through, Ted would need to drop his charges against the pastor. He willingly did so that the independent investigators would have a free hand.
However, the regional leadership allowed the acccused pastor to speak at length and he convinced the leadership that the independent organization recommended was untrustworthy. His reason? He argued that they would support the victims.
He suggested that the regional leadership investigate and if they found guilt, then hire the independent group.
The pastor then convinced the leadership to appoint an investigative committee that had two lawyers on it. Then proceeded to convince them to put two lawyers on the committee whom he thought he had wrangled into his camp over the preceeding months.
In the end, his nearly hand-chosen committee found him guilty. But his personal lawyer, from one of the biggest law firms in the state, sought and obtained an immediate cease and desist order from the civil courts and stopped the process.
Contumacy
Men in the regional leadership then suggested bringing the pastor up on charges for his refusal to heed the ruling of the committee called “contumacy” (stubborn refusal to obey or comply with authority). In the rulebook of the denomination it states that a pastor who is found to be guilty of contumacy by the denominational “courts” must repent or be excommunicated.
The pastor wrote a letter that he was amending his lawsuit against parties in the denomination but that he was “not admitting guilt.” Ted stood before the leadership and asked if this was not a clear sign he was unrepentant.
Others rose to suggest that “repentance does not always involve admitting to sin.”
Really?
Ted was livid and suggested that the regional leadership organization be disolved and that their group of churches be melded into another regional grouping of churches because he said, “We will never, ever conduct a fair trial.” He wondered what the use of their regional leadership was if they could not judge fairly.
In the end, the highest court heard the case against the pastor and found him not guilty.
One of the parties involved in the case remarked, “This is a coverup and meant to send a message to the denomination that you never challenge a pastor.”
Band of Brothers
Ted shared with me the story of Mark, a pastor who had incredible influence in the regional leadership. He described him as one of the biggest narcissists he has ever seen. Twenty to thirty people have told him Mark was spiritually abusive.
When another pastor was brought up on charges Mark stood to support him, calling it an “injustice.” Ted was talking to him a year later and asked him about the pastor he had supported. Mark said the accused pastor was one of the worst pastors he had seen. He was “super legalistic, bad with people . . . Mark went on and on,” Ted said.
Ted asked, “Why did you fight his firing?”
Mark told him, “He is a pastor. We can’t allow elders in the churches to rule.”
But, Ted pressed, “He was abusive.” Mark replied, “Oh, I don’t doubt that at all. But we have to protect the regional leadership of pastors. It is a ‘band of brothers,'” referring to the movie by that name.
Ted told me he can point to at least four other cases of charges brought against pastors where the reaction was always to defend the pastor “even when indefensible.”
What Can We Say?
Ted said he has been re-reading “To Kill a Mockingbird” and is finding that someone who seeks justice in his denomination for those under pastoral abuse experience something akin to African Americans in the 50s.
It begins to look like Jesus before the Sanhedrin where the highest Jewish court repeatedly broke their own rules due to their own bias and blindness. Finding an innocent Jesus guilty; while drowning in His blood.
Or the leaders of Israel during the time of Ezekiel when the Lord calls them to account for their wicked leadership:
The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them. So they were scattered, because there was no shepherd, and they became food for all the wild beasts. My sheep were scattered. . . Ezekiel 34:4-5 (ESV)
When the leadership of God’s people reject His unmistakeable teaching to humbly serve His children, there will be unmeasurable harm done to the Church.
Ted’s story should be a clarion call to church leadership:
Repent or suffer the fate that you so desperately are trying to stave off—the scattering of God’s people.
How in the World
I asked Ted how in the world he has stood strong in the midst of all the attacks he has faced.
Ted noted that all three of the predictions he made to Rebecca have proven true.
As noted above, there was a huge movement to protect the erring pastor.
Ted was indeed accused of having an affair with one of the women who came forward to report the pastor’s sexual misconduct—even though Ted has only actually see her and the other women who reported maybe five times.
And charges have been filed against him in the church courts that he is currently battling.
Ted told me he has found solace and strength in three things:
Ted said his wife has been amazing. She has been his support and encouragement all along.
He enjoys a cohort of other pastors and Ted said they “have been rock solid friends through it all.” They have helped him write complaints, checked in on him periodically, and prayed with him often.
He sought out a Christian counselor. At one particular point the counselor suggested two things:
Find an EMDR counselor as soon as possible. Ted said, “That has been huge.” This type of treatment for trauma has been incredibly helpful to many victims of abuse. See Bessel van der Kolk’s book here.
And surprisingly the counselor suggested he find a Brazilian jiu jitsu gym. Ted said, “It was the greatest thing I have done.” He was amazed that the others in the club were so supportive of each other. He noted, “When there is a new guy, the advanced one’s job is to help him by submitting to him in the wrestling, showing him how to win.” He added, “If you try to hurt others, you will be kicked out of the gym immediately.”
I really was amazed by Ted’s mental and spiritual health despite all he has gone through.
Quite frankly, I cannot imagine being where he is if I had suffered all he has to advocate for victims of such horrendous leadership.
The toxic leader will be threatened by the slightest show of strength from subordinates. This was the story of the new king of Egypt in the time following the death of Joseph.
As a little background, Joseph, the son of Jacob, had been taken as a slave from his family to Egypt—that is a whole story in itself. Through a variety of amazing circumstances directed by the Lord, Joseph’s ability to read the dreams of others came to the attention of the king.
Having read the king’s troubling dreams, the king appointed Joseph to oversee the nation’s food supply. The king had dreamed (symbolically) of seven years of abundance followed by a seven-year drought. God gave Joseph incredible wisdom that saved the Egyptian nation and many surrounding nations through his wise management of their agriculture.
Joseph’s family—God’s people—moved to Egypt during this time and were given good land to farm by the king. The “Israelites” grew in numbers and after Joseph died, Exodus 1:8-11 picks up the story:
Now there arose a new king over Egypt, who did not know Joseph. 9 And he said to his people, “Behold, the people of Israel are too many and too mighty for us. 10 Come, let us deal shrewdly with them, lest they multiply, and, if war breaks out, they join our enemies and fight against us and escape from the land.” 11 Therefore they set taskmasters over them to afflict them with heavy burdens. They built for Pharaoh store cities, Pithom and Raamses.
Exodus 1:8-11 (ESV)
You have to the ask the question, “Why would the king think the Israelites would join Egypt’s enemies and fight against them?” Egypt had proven to be a good place to work and raise their families. The Israelites were prospering because of the former Pharoah’s (king) kindness to them.
Why, Why, Why
However, it appears that the Israelites were already in the grips of the Egyptians. They did not appear to be equals in their citizenry. The king (and the other Egyptians) appeared to have power over these foreign people. This is evidenced by the fact the king could set “taskmasters over them to afflict them with heavy burdens.”
This new Pharaoh would prove in the story to be a toxic leader.
The Egyptian king had the ability to rule over them in a toxic way and chose to do so. So, he chose to take toxic control. An average leader might consider how to woo his subordinates. Not the Egyptian king. . . nor a toxic leader of any sort.
Robert Hare wrote,
There is a class of individuals who have been around forever and who are found in every race, culture, society and walk of life. Everybody has met these people, been deceived and manipulated by them, and forced to live with or repair the damage they have wrought.1
If you know the story, you know that Exodus goes on to describe the destruction wrought by the king in the lives of the Egyptians and the subsequent judgments God brought upon the nation of Egypt because of the king’s horrific toxicity. As Hare notes, the Egyptians were “forced to live with or repair the damage [the king had] wrought.”
This is the way of toxic leadership. The destruction a narcissistic or abusive leader causes can be far-reaching and long-lasting. But generally, it is people in the organization, nation, business, or church that have to, in the end, live with it or try to repair it.
And it gets worse
Barbara Kellerman, the Founding Executive Director of the Harvard Kennedy School’s Center for Public Leadership, wrote of the common direction these toxic leaders go; down. It only gets worse. There is example after example. It is extremely rare that a bad leader becomes good. Rather their slippery slope is all downhill.
Kellerman tells the story of Volkswagen’s former CEO, Martin Winterkorn.
The effect of Winterkorn’s bad leadership was cumulative. The longer it lasted, the higher the cost to everyone adversely affected. Volkswagen’s cheating was not a single, quickly aborted instance of wrongdoing, never to be repeated. It was the opposite. It went on for eight years, the price paid by the victims of Volkswagen’s wrongdoing escalating with each passing day.2
But this should not surprise us as Christians. Sin is crouching at the door (Gen. 4:7) and without the intervention of Christ, it goes generally from bad to worse.
There are people who are truly driven by evil as Dan Allender describes (and it only gets worse):
All of us are capable of doing evil things, but evil people are driven by a self-interest that is so heartless, conscious, and cruel that it delights in stealing from others the lifeblood of their soul. Often the one who delights in evil is an ordinary, unassuming person who hides behind a facade of normalcy. Few people who are evil ever appear evil, even after the evidence of their deceit, destructiveness, and hardness is exposed.3
Keeping Clean of Defilement
It is difficult to watch the masses follow after narcissistic and abusive leaders in any organizational setting. They might think the leader holds some values they hold or promote some policies they promote. So, they think those positive traits will keep the followers clean of defilement. But, that is not how it works.
The followers of the Egyptian king suffered much the same from God’s judgment as did the king. The plagues that devastated Egypt crushed its people. In fact, it is likely that the only plague that fully affected the king was the death of his firstborn. As the king, he was likely above many of the affects of the other plagues.
Let this story be a challenge to leaders who are tempted to gain control through strength or manipulation. And let is be a challenge to followers who think they are somehow exempt from the damage such leaders bring.
Christianity is the largest religion in the world with approximately 2.3 billion followers according to Britannica.1
As we enter the season of Easter we are reminded of its meaning to Christians. Within the celebrations of Palm Sunday to Good Friday are found basic principles of the Christian faith. God’s Son, Jesus Christ, was born in human frailty, lived a perfect life serving others, and then suffered one of the most painful deaths invented by man.
How could the world’s largest religion be founded and led by one who would become known as a “suffering servant” (Isaiah 53:3-4)?2
It is certainly one of the paradoxes of life in this world where the strong are honored and weak despised. Jesus chose to be “weak” in the eyes of His creation, yet is the Creator and Ruler of all the universe.
Weak
But, this “weakness” is not just what Christians believe but what they are called to emulate.
This is what Jesus told His followers to be. They were to be servants—slaves—to those whom they led. This was the meaning of his response to his disciples when they were seeking a place of power beside Him. They thought He would overcome the Romans in conquest (Matthew 18:1-6).3 But rather he was “despised and rejected by men.”
The humility He exhibited throughout His life on earth was intended as an example. Jesus made this evident when He modeled servanthood to His disciples at the Last Supper, washing their feet as a common household slave.
It is this humility that leaders in this world—whether corporate, church, organizational, or military—are called to. It is their vocation. It is their status.
And make no mistake, this Servant-Leader rose from the dead, victorious over death, sin, hell, and all suffering in this world. So, Easter comes with acclamation and we know our leadership could never come close to the One true leader of the universe.
Isaiah 53:3-4 (NIV) He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. ↩︎
Matthew 18:1-6 (ESV) At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, 6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. ↩︎
Within Christian circles there is much talk of “laying down your life” for others. We talk about it in the contexts of marriage and leadership in particular.
Though most people likely have some idea from where the idea comes—the Bible—they may not know specifically the passage.
In John 10, Jesus is speaking to the crowds. He has just healed a man that was blind since he was born (John 9). It is an extraordinary event (read more about it here). Jesus goes on to teach following this event and creates a “division” among the Jews. And though the Jewish leaders suggest Jesus’ words in John 10 about the “good shepherd” are coming from a demon-possessed man, the people respond, “These are not the words of one who is oppressed by a demon. Can a demon open the eyes of the blind (Jn 10:21)?”
The words Jesus gives to the crowds are hard words, but particularly hard for leaders in their cultural context. Whereas leaders in that time “lorded it over” their subordinates—as Jesus says in Matthew 20:25—he was calling leaders (and others) to be willing to die in the care of subordinates. This is not too far off as a description of leadership even today.
Studies continually show that a large percentage of employees struggle with a toxic boss or manager.
Kusy, Mitchell, and Holloway, Elizabeth, Toxic Workplace!: Managing Toxic Personalities and Their Systems of Power, 1st Edition (2009)
In John 10:7 Jesus begins to speak figuratively of a shepherd who cares for his sheep. He draws a distinction between a hired hand and the sheep-owning shepherd. This shepherd is not just a paid employee of the owner, but the owner of the sheep himself. The sheep understand this shepherd— “They hear his voice” —and they follow him. They trust him. They know he wants their good.
No Running Away
The good shepherd doesn’t run off when things get tough. He doesn’t leave his sheep unprotected, even when there is danger afoot.
He also draws a distinction between a “thief” who comes to “steal and destroy” and the good shepherd who gives life to the sheep. He provides good pasture and protection from the wolves and the sheep’s own stupidity. While sheep are always “looking for ways to die,” as one sheep rancher told some visitors, the good shepherd looks out for them.
This analogy points to Jesus Christ, who is the only really Good Shepherd. We can’t forget that.
If we lead others . . .
But it also challenges those who lead to be like Jesus. We are being continually conformed to the image of Jesus and this is a part of that. If we lead others, we need to—
Know our sheep that they might know us.
Be trustworthy that they may trust us.
Be respectful that they may respect us.
Look out for their good, though we may be put in very uncomfortable positions.
For example, standing up for them that, when we do, others look upon us with disfavor because we are associating with and supporting those people.
As Paul challenged the Philippian church, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.” Philippians 2:3-7
Is this the kind of leader you are?
What would Jesus do?
“The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. . . No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.”
Nearly everyone who works in the marketplace experiences toxic leadership at some point in his or her career. Approximately a third of women are abused in their lifetime.
The time of peace is not here.
But there will come a time when the Lord banishes toxic leadership in the home, workplace, church, and organization.
Prophesy Against the Shepherds
The prophet and priest, Ezekiel was taken away into exile in Babylon in 597 B.C.
In 597 B.C., King Nebuchadnezzer of Babylon besieged Jerusalem. The siege caused appalling deprivation and suffering. Nebuchadnezzer took Judah’s King Jehoiachin and the nation’s leading citizens off to Babylon. Then, ten years later, he uprooted everybody else and destroyed the temple. The so-called Babylonian Captivity had begun. And tens of thousands were massacred in the process.1
Ministering for over 23 years, Ezekiel “addressed both the exiles and the people left in Judah with messages of warning and judgment, predicting the fall of Jerusalem.”2 In chapter 34, Ezekiel gives a scathing message from the Lord to the spiritual leaders of Judah.
Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will require my sheep at their hand and put a stop to their feeding the sheep. No longer shall the shepherds feed themselves. I will rescue my sheep from their mouths, that they may not be food for them.
Ezekiel 34:10
For the purpose of vindication and validation, we can be thankful that the Lord will stop the toxic leadership of these “shepherds.” But much of the chapter is more about the kindness of the Lord to those who have suffered under that self-serving leadership.
Ezekiel goes on to say that the Lord “will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered. . . (vs. 11b-12a).”
Toxic leadership always scatters. In this case, Ezekiel is speaking specifically to those located in a small area in the Middle East 2500 years ago. The leadership of Judah had both religious and national consequence as Judah was a full-blown theocracy—a government ruled by a religious organization.
This religious leadership over the nation had “scattered” the sheep of Judah. We can understand this to involve both a spiritual and physical scattering of the people of Judah. It is evident that there was a decided lack of spiritual commitment to God’s law and rule and the people had been taken into captivity by another nation. They had been scattered.
As we bring this warning and teaching into our day and age we would normally apply God’s warnings and promises to the “church” that is the New Testament expansion of God’s people—including both Jew and Gentile. We cannot categorically apply the promises or warnings to Judah in the fifth century B.C. to our own time, but the promises and warnings in this chapter were only in part fulfilled as the Lord brought His people out of exile and back to Jerusalem.
There was still toxic leadership. There was still hatred. There was still suffering in that time and ever since.
However, we know there will come a day when the promises found in this chapter of Ezekiel will be fully—completely and perfectly—realized. That day will be when Christ comes again and banishes evil and enfolds His people in his arms in a love we cannot fully grasp in this life.
Listen to this incredible promise:
And I will bring them out from the peoples and gather them from the countries, and will bring them into their own land. And I will feed them on the mountains of Israel, by the ravines, and in all the inhabited places of the country. I will feed them with good pasture, and on the mountain heights of Israel shall be their grazing land. There they shall lie down in good grazing land, and on rich pasture they shall feed on the mountains of Israel. I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the Lord GOD.
Ezekiel 34:13-15
It is idyllic. God’s people will be fed and nurtured and protected and given rest.
The “wild beasts” who have created havoc and death and suffering, he says, will be “banished.”
What sweet promises these are. As I watch the suffering of those under toxic leadership I am reminded of these promises that give hope. We might see some relief in this life—gaining freedom from the leader’s grasp—but in the long term, it will only be in eternity that we fully gain that freedom from the ravages of sin in leadership. Even in my own heart, that will be the day I no longer hate and hurt and curse.
Amaziah seemed attentive to the LORD as he began his reign as king of Judah 2800 years ago.
When preparing to go to war, he put together an impressive force of power. He hired mercenaries from the northern kingdom, Israel—100,000 of them.
However, a “man of God” came to him and discouraged him from using the mercenaries in the battle. He rather encouraged Amaziah to rely upon the LORD instead of seeking the help of his Israelite mercenaries.
Of course, Amaziah feared losing the money he had promised to the mercenaries. But he was encouraged by the man of God that the LORD would provide for him. Amaziah believed him, paid the cash he promised the mercenaries, and as a result was victorious in battle because he relied on the LORD.
King Amaziah reigned in Judah for 29 years, beating the 20 years that the average king ruled in the southern kingdom.
Scipture tells us “he did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, yet not with a whole heart.”
2 Chronicles 25:2
The Slide
That sensitive heart that was willing to hear criticism, even criticism that would affect his wallet, disappeared however.
Once he had won the battle, Amaziah “brought the gods of the men of Seir and set them up as his gods and worshiped them, making offerings to them.”
Therefore the LORD was angry with Amaziah and sent to him a prophet, who said to him, “Why have you sought the gods of a people who did not deliver their own people from your hand?”
2 Chronicles 25:15
Instead of displaying a heart of love for the LORD, the sensitivity he had when he began his reign, Amaziah interupts a prophet sent by the LORD to challenge him, saying, “Have we made you a royal counselor? Stop! Why should you be struck down?”
So the prophet stopped, but said, “I know that God has determined to destroy you, because you have done this and have not listened to my counsel.”
2 Chronicles 25:16
Beginning Well
Unfortunately, this is so often the heart of man.
Leaders begin well. The LORD has given them vision for the organization they have been tasked with leading. Their motives, though always mixed—for we are never without sin—are that God be glorified in the church, business, or organization and that they serve people. Diane Langberg says,
Many times someone starts out believing they are called by God and instilled with a God-given vision. Somewhere down the road, when the vision has grown, the demands are great, and the pressure is on, the servant becomes obedient to the work and its demands rather than to Christ.
They begin a mission work in Africa that desires to help people use their gifts to create beauty, good crops, healthy societies, biblical churches, or other fulfillments of the “dominion mandate.” I worked for one of these visionary missionaries.
Or they plant a church that seeks to be engaged with the surrounding culture, giving light and a witness to Christ. They serve their neighborhoods and their churches expand exponentially.
Or they start a ministry helping people build their own home, giving witness to the love of Jesus. The ministry soon covers the globe.
Drinking the Koolaid
But, in time they begin to drink the koolaid of power and self-sufficiency.
Amaziah, after seeing the LORD’s destruction of his enemies in Seir, turned his eye upon his brothers in the north—Israel. He challenged King Joash and the king rebuffed him. Scripture says that the LORD was bringing about the downfall of Amaziah because he had turned from God to himself.
So, Amaziah, in his arrogance goes up against Israel. 2nd Chronicles says,
And Joash king of Israel captured Amaziah king of Judah, the son of Joash, son of Ahaziah, at Beth-shemesh, and brought him to Jerusalem and broke down the wall of Jerusalem for 400 cubits, from the Ephraim Gate to the Corner Gate.
The Israelite king stole all the gold and silver from the Temple and Amaziah’s palace in Jerusalem in addition to taking hostages back to Samaria with him.
Though Amaziah lived another 15 years in Jerusalem, Scripture is silent regarding those years. Those years of his reign are clearly of no consequence.
Amaziah’s slide into toxic leadership left him broken and in the end men within his own government made a conspiracy against him and he ran for the hills. However, they caught up with him and murdered him.
The Failure of Toxic Leadership
This is the way of toxic leadership. When man begins to rely upon himself—maybe on marketing, image control, power, and authority—he begins the slide into a leadership that no one wants. There will be rebellion, financial failure, and possibly a legacy of hatred rather than the glory the leader so desparately desires.
Toxic leadership almost never ends well.
But it is never too late to turn in repentance; to admit to failure. Turn from self to the LORD. Turn to the only One who can be relied upon to run your church, business, or organization.
Your legacy of self-importance is not nearly as important as His glory.
There were two leaders responsible for the split of Israel and Judah in the Old Testament recounted for us in 1st Kings and 2nd Chronicles. Both leaders are good examples of bad leadership.
I have said it before: I have hopes when I write these blogs that those who are on the edge of leading abusively—or are maybe even over the edge—will read and hear words that the LORD uses to turn their hearts. Even when I am writing directly to the victims of toxic leadership, I hope leaders will develop some empathy and seek to reform their own ways.
Jeroboam and Rehoboam led the nation of Israel into two camps—and geographic localities. Ten of the twelve tribes followed Jeroboam and made up Israel in the north (Samaria) while two tribes followed Rehoboam and were in the south including Jerusalem, the city of David.
Jeroboam, the Providential Hero
The kingdom of Israel was Rehoboam’s birthright as he was Solomon’s son and rightful heir. However, Solomon’s sin and foolish leadership at the end of his reign brought a partial judgment of God on the nation resulting in the LORD putting Jeroboam in leadership of the northern tribes—he was not in the promised line of David.
In ways, Jeroboam is a bit of a hero to begin with. When Solomon was having work done in Jerusalem, Scripture says, “The man Jeroboam was very able, and when Solomon saw that the young man was industrious he gave him charge over all the forced labor of the house of Joseph (1 Kings 11:28).”
It is a positive introduction to this future leader of (some of) God’s people.
Jeroboam was taken aside by a prophet (Ahijah the Shilonite) and told,
And I will take you, and you shall reign over all that your soul desires, and you shall be king over Israel. And if you will listen to all that I command you, and will walk in my ways, and do what is right in my eyes by keeping my statutes and my commandments, as David my servant did, I will be with you and will build you a sure house, as I built for David, and I will give Israel to you.
1 Kings 11:37-38 (ESV)
A wonderful promise to Jeroboam: “Follow me and I will be with you.”
On the other hand, Rehoboam does not start well in the south. Scripture tells us he answered “harshly” the request of the people that he not lead like his father did (1 Kings 12:16-24). Thus, the split in Israel and Jeroboam’s opportunity to lead a good portion of the nation in the way of the good kings.
Jeroboam, the Toxic Leader
But Jeroboam instead took the path of toxic leadership: self-protectionism.
As he began to establish his reign, he built an important city in the hill country named Shechem and then the city Penuel in addition. Shechem was the location where Abram built an altar to God because He appeared to him (Genesis 12:7). It was a place of promise and worship.
However, in the intervening years, the LORD had established Jerusalem as his place of rule and His temple was also there. The LORD put it there for His worship and sacrifices—sacrifices were not allowed by God anywhere but in the Jerusalem Temple.
Unfortunately, Jeroboam became fearful that the ten tribes he was leading would go on their annual pilgrimage to sacrifice in the Jerusalem Temple never to return. Maybe Jerusalem would just be too enticing for them.
He even feared his life, thinking, “People will turn again to their lord, to Rehoboam king of Judah, and they will kill me and return to Rehoboam king of Judah (1 Kings 12:27).”
Like the Berlin wall, Jeroboam set up a spiritual / psychological wall of demarcation by providing alternative places of worship and sacrifice in Shechem to keep the Israelites captivated with Samaria.
So Jeroboam became a toxic leader.
Seeing the Toxicity
He mimicked Temple worship with the addition of providing golden calves—idols—to the mix and telling the people, “Behold your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. (1 Kings 12:28)” He provided similar festivals to those God had given the people, giving the Samaritans new traditions tied to the old.
We then see Jeroboam’s slide into toxic leadership in is his response to criticism for his idolatry and rebellion against the LORD. As he made sacrifices—something he was not allowed to do as king—a prophet from Judah in the south challenged him. Jeroboam became angry and commanded that the guards take the prophet.
However, the LORD struck Jeroboam with leprosy and he cried out to be healed by the prophet which the LORD graciously did.
What Are Those Toxic Traits?
Toxic leadership almost always involves a heightened sense of anxiety at the loss of leadership and the adoration of others resulting in defensiveness and blame-shifting when confronted.
Often a leader will respond to criticism seemingly well to begin with, but over time—sometimes only hours—he will begin to create justifications and point to others to take the blame.
A good way to determine if your leader is toxic is to give him the “Response Test.” Kindly, graciously, and humbly challenge your leader. How does he or she respond? Keep in mind that many people will respond immediately with justifications or defensiveness. However, if they are toxic, they will keep it up and possibly even retaliate against you, isolate you from others in the organization, or simply ignore you.
If they are not toxic, they will come around. They may not agree with you, but they will consider your claim and express some form of appreciation for it.
Toxic Followers
Unfortunately, when the leader shifts the blame in response, instead of allowing the blame to remain on the leader, some followers—in the interest of pleasing their powerful leader—will take the blame themselves or soften the effects of the foolish behavior of the leader.
Middle-management is notorious for this complicity.
They may feel—rightly—that keeping their jobs or status within the organization requires providing a buffer between the subordinates and the toxic boss. It can almost be a badge of honor for them to seek to mediate between their boss and their employees. It feels “above the fray,” “mature,” and even may give a sense of power to middle managers.
But in the end, it always collapses. There really is no softening or mediating toxic leadership.
So, Jeroboam’s rule collapsed. In 2 Chronicles 13:20 it says:
Jeroboam did not recover his power in the days of Abijah. And the LORD struck him down, and he died.
It ended with his battle against Judah. Whereas, Judah sought the LORD, Jeroboam had slid into toxic leadership, worshipping those who were not God.
I have written quite a lot about “self-differentiation” ever since my doctoral study [see here]. At that time, my research advisor was pressing me to focus on this psychological concept—also biblical—in my dissertation about toxic leadership.
The term basically means to remain free from the psychological control of other people. Christian writers like Herrington, Creech, and Taylor have taken the idea and brought Scripture to bear on it.1 They point to Jesus as the ultimate self-differentiated individual as he engaged with others in a deep, empathetic way while not being controlled by them.
Jesus is an example to us.
There is another man in Scripture who, though deeply broken, was a “type of Christ” in the Old Testament—Jesus’ forefather King David.
The story of David, a rapist (2 Sam. 11:4) and murderer (2 Sam. 11:15), gives hope to every man, woman, and child that in our wickedness we can be redeemed. In 1 Samuel 17 the story of David and Goliath is told. It provides for us a picture of self-differentiation.
David Shows Up
David, the youngest of his brothers, would go back and forth to the battle lines where his older brothers were engaged in a war with the Philistines. He would bring food and supplies from his family to them.
One day David showed up and heard the giant of a man, Goliath, taunting the Israelite army. As David spoke with various soldiers about it, his oldest brother said,
“Why have you come down? And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know your presumption and the evil of your heart, for you have come down to see the battle.”
1 Samuel 17:28
I don’t know what was in David’s heart but his response is certainly self-differentiated:
“What have I done now? Was it not but a word?” And he turned away from him toward another, and spoke in the same way, and the people answered him again as before.
1 Samuel 17:29-30
It is a bit defensive— “What have I done now?” — but he does not allow Eliab (brother) to deter him from gaining more information about Goliath.
What I want to get at is that victims of toxic leadership normally shut down. As they are critisized by their boss, ridiculed by a manager, or demoted because they don’t practice image-control as their bosses require of them, they turn inward, keep their head down, and sort of do their jobs.
Who wants to be criticized? Who wants to face ostracization?
We want to keep our jobs. We want to please our bosses and supervisors.
All normal and all understandable.
But not always self-differentiated.
David’s Self-Differentiation
Rather than sulk away as I did many times under a toxic boss, David went to the big boss—King Saul—when Saul called for him. David told Saul, “Let no man’s heart fail because of [Goliath]. Your servant will go and fight with this Philistine.”
So, David goes out to meet the giant and there meets further scorn:
“Am I a dog, that you come to me with sticks?” And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. The Philistine said to David, “Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and to the beasts of the field.”
1 Samuel 17:43-44
I love David’s response. It could sound arrogant, except that it is a testimony to dependence on the LORD. And dependence on the LORD is fundamental to Christian self-differentiation.
Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. 46 This day the LORD will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you down and cut off your head. And I will give the dead bodies of the host of the Philistines this day to the birds of the air and to the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, 47 and that all this assembly may know that the LORD saves not with sword and spear. For the battle is the LORD’S, and he will give you into our hand.”
1 Samuel 17:45-47 (ESV)
Sunday School materials are full of applications culled from this passage that tell children to stand up to their greatest fears. Sometimes those applications are ridiculed, but that interpretation is not far off.
What can be missing is that it wasn’t in David mustering the strength from deep within, but in his dependence and belief that God had his back and he was doing the right thing in response to God’s calling.
So to trust God alone is self-differentiation for the Christian.
Jesus’ Self-Differentiation
I believe the most apropos passage for defining self-differentiation is when, after Jesus did many signs and wonders, many “believed” in him. John says,
But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people 25 and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man.
John 2:24-25 (ESV)
Jesus knew what was in man. So too, David knew not to trust in man’s confident assertions (Goliath’s or his brothers’) but in God Himself.
Self-differentiation is just this: Not allowing the anxiety of others to control our own trust in Jesus. It frees us to stand up to toxic leaders where others cower. It frees us to leave the toxic workplace when others fear leaving. It allows us to reject the arrows of our antagonists whether they are a boss, fellow employee, or church leader.
Give your trust to Jesus, not to any other man.
NOTES
Herrington, Jim. The Leader’s Journey: Accepting the Call to Personal and Congregational Transformation. 1st ed. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2003. ↩︎
King Solomon, maybe the wisest king of all time, had extraordinary gifts from the LORD.
1 Kings 10:23 tells us that “King Solomon excelled all the kings of the earth in riches and in wisdom.” As time goes along, “the whole earth sought the presence of Solomon to hear his wisdom, which God had put into his mind.”
Earlier in the book of 1st Kings, the LORD appeard to Solomon in a dream and asked him, “What shall I give you (1 Kings 3:5)?”
Solomon answers in a beautiful expression of humility: he needs wisdom more than anything—to discern between good and evil. He has just become the leader of God’s people, who are numerous, and as a young man he needs God’s wisdom to rule well.
The LORD answers his request and more. He says He will give him both wisdom and, because he didn’t ask for it, riches and honor.
And thus, Solomon begins his reign with wisdom and starts to build a wealthy and powerful dynasty. The LORD tells Solomon that he will be wiser than all who came before and all who come after if he will “walk in my ways, keeping my statutes and my commandments (1 Kings 3:14).”
Blessings and Honor
Seems simple enough. Solomon, like all men, is not a paragon of virtue, but he humbly recognizes his inabilities and depends upon the LORD’s forgiveness and help.
He became wealthy and other leaders looked to him for wisdom including the Queen of Sheba. You get the sense he is the most powerful man in his part of the world. He received honor and glory from all the nations surrounding Israel.
Every one of them brought his present, articles of silver and gold, garments, myrrh, spices, horses, and mules, so much year by year. 26 And Solomon gathered together chariots and horsemen. He had 1,400 chariots and 12,000 horsemen, whom he stationed in the chariot cities and with the king in Jerusalem. 27 And the king made silver as common in Jerusalem as stone, and he made cedar as plentiful as the sycamore of the Shephelah. 28 And Solomon’s import of horses was from Egypt and Kue, and the king’s traders received them from Kue at a price. 29 A chariot could be imported from Egypt for 600 shekels of silver and a horse for 150, and so through the king’s traders they were exported to all the kings of the Hittites and the kings of Syria.
1 Kings 10:25-29 (ESV)
What is the Purpose?
So, in receiving all this blessing from the LORD, what do you think Solomon considered his purpose to be?
Scripture has memorialized his thinking in the form of his poetry. The Psalms are songs for the use in worship. David, his father, who was a great musician wrote nearly half of the 150 Psalms contained in the Bible. But Solomon is also a contributor to the book of worship music.
Psalms 72 gives us insight to how Solomon understood his purpose as a leader:
Give the king your justice, O God, and your righteousness to the royal son! 2 May he judge your people with righteousness, and your poor with justice! 3 Let the mountains bear prosperity for the people, and the hills, in righteousness! 4 May he defend the cause of the poor of the people, give deliverance to the children of the needy, and crush the oppressor!
Psalms 72:1-4 (ESV)
What impression do you get as you read his song of praise?
His work as a leader should be like the work of any leader: to provide justice and prosperity for the people. And that includes stopping those who crush others—oppressors.
He goes on to develop the idea in the song:
12 For he delivers the needy when he calls, the poor and him who has no helper. 13 He has pity on the weak and the needy, and saves the lives of the needy. 14 From oppression and violence he redeems their life, and precious is their blood in his sight.
Psalms 72:12-14
There is a distinct focus on caring for those who are struggling to care for themselves—the poor and needy.
What we see in so many leaders is quite the opposite. Their arrogance, narcissism, raging, and image control cause the “oppression and violence” that Solomon decries in his Psalm. Those behaviors and attitudes are opposite of what a good leader is to do and be.
Solomon sounds like the kind of leader I want.
However, it does not end well for Solomon.
The Fall
The LORD does not withdraw His blessing; Solomon scuttles it.
For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father.
1 Kings 11:4 (ESV)
It is hard to believe that once, having tasted such incredible goodness from the LORD, a leader would turn his back on Him. But, in Solomon’s case, he chose to break God’s law in regards to marriage and took on his wives’ idols for his dependance and worship.
His idolatry was expressed in the worship of mythological gods common to his wives and the nations from where they came. It is more likely that a leader in our culture will turn to the gods of wealth, power, fame, and image control rather than a golden artifact. But these are idols nonetheless—things that are trusted in other than the LORD.
Solomon’s legacy ends up being the breakup of the nation into two parts—northern and southern—and continual hostilities between God’s people.
That breakup was brought about by his son who thought the counsel of his buddies to oppress the people was better than the counsel of justice given by older and wiser men. The young men suggested he take control of the people and say to them:
“‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s thighs. And now, whereas my father laid on you a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.’”
1 Kings 12:10-11 (ESV)
It is evident that Solomon had become a slave-driver—doing quite the opposite of what his Psalm 72 says a king should do. Rehoboam also chose to counter his father Solomon’s psalm.
This was Solomon’s legacy because he rejected the LORD’s good and peace-giving guidance on leadership. He created an environment of injustice, power, and authoritarianism that his son learned at his knee. He allowed all those gifts of wisdom and wealth given by the LORD to create a monster.
For those of us in the West, we have the opportunity to reject such leaders. We have freedoms unknown to many throughout the ages to get free from political, social, spousal, and employment leaders who are narcissistic and destructive.
He has pity on the weak and the needy, and saves the lives of the needy.
