One of the clear signs of toxic leadership is image management. Chuck DeGroat shares in his book, “When Narcissism Comes to the Church” what one of his clients said of her husband:
“My husband has told me that he will divorce me and publicly humiliate me if I ever say anything negative about him.”1
Image management in the home.
Even when there isn’t toxic leadership, image management in organizational management can be a temptation for churches and Christian organizations. We all want others to see us in the best light and that gets transferred to our marketing of our church or organization.
Goffman used the terms “impression management” to describe how an “actor strives to present an impression to the audience they will find agreeable.”2 Wade Mullen, in his PhD dissertation runs with Goffman’s ideas and explains how individuals and organizations present an “agreeable” impression of themselves or organization in a falsified way.
As Mullens notes, IM (Image Management) is often used unwittingly. It just comes naturally to us. Some sociologists have argued it is a learned trait and as Christians we can easily argue it is a trait present since the fall of man—if we are talking about the falsified form of IM.
When used to give a false (good) impression of who we are, it is simply a form of lying. Unfortunately, this kind of lying has become standard practice in a society that is money- and marketing-driven.
But again, it should not surprise us. We are sinful people. You can see it in the church that has become wrapped up in the marketing craze with slick media messaging and false advertising.
With that as an introduction, let’s explore how we can identify our natural—fallen—urge to make something pretty that is not. And, specifically, consider how abuse is covered up because it is most certainly NOT pretty.
The Most Common Expressions of IM
I cannot count the number of times I have seen statements like, “It will bring shame to Christ’s name.”
It is common that someone abused by either a leader, friend, or a spouse will desire (rightfully) to make known the abuse in order to bring accountability and repentance. However, a (likely) well-meaning church member or leader makes the above statement to the victim. It is assumed that the airing of dirty laundry is a bad witness to Christ.
There is one simple answer to this belief.
If this is true, the Bible is full of this “bad witness” as God tells the story of man’s failures and His redemptive plan for the ages. Without the airing of the dirty laundry there can be no forgiveness. Therreason there is forgiveness offered is because of our dirty laundry. There can be no redemption without the humble recognition of sin. We would need to read a sterilized version of the Bible if we thought that the presence and proclamation of man’s sins brings shame to Christ.
On the contrary, the humility involved in airing our dirty laundry is actually a positive witness to this redemptive work of Christ (see this for further discussion).
There is a reason God sent His Son. Jesus died in order to take away our sin and as Solomon said, “there is no one who does not sin” (2 Chronicles 6:36-39). Our sin, and particularly grievous sin like abuse of leadership (that affects so many), should be known not only for the seeking of redemption but for two other reasons.
First, it is necessary for sin to be public so that there is accountability for the abuser. He must, if he is to repent, be held accountable for his arrogance and entitlement. And secondly, others need to be warned. This is taught clearly in Scripture in 1st Timothy:
As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.
1 Timothy 5:20 (ESV)
Paul is speaking about leaders in the church. There is warning for others when a leader has abused his authority and been called on the carpet by others.
An Arrogant Culture
Chuck DeGroat talks of “Grandiose Narcissistic Systems.” DeGroat describes a discussion he had with a friend who had inherited the leadership of a large ministry:
. . . he was alarmed by a collective narrative that went something like this: “The [rival ministry] is doing that, so we must respond by doing this.” He heard key leaders within the organization talk in disparaging ways of the other ministry, he read personal blogs of his staff that mocked other Christians while elevating their own work, and he felt what he described as a “gross arrogance” at staff meetings. He told me that staff-meeting culture felt more like game planning to beat the rival than corporately discerning God’s will for that season of ministry. He said, “It seems as if they’re all in some sort of group trance.”3
Image management develops an arrogant culture within an organization.
I cringe when I hear “there is no one else doing ministry the way we are”. You might be surprised by how often you will hear this kind of arrogance spoken in the halls of ministries.
Ministry leaders, and even followers, convince themselves of this to pump up and validate themselves. There is not a ministry out there that can honestly suggest such a thing. There is someone doing much the same thing somewhere in the world, doing it just as well or better, and has been doing it longer.
It may not be a marketing slogan the organization puts out on social media or even in their brochures but simply what is said to employees to create pride in and loyalty to the organization. But enough of it and the culture will become toxic with arrogance.
These organizations become resistant to challenge and change—after all, if they are the best, then how could there be a problem. In turn, like with the husband at the beginning of this blog, those who happen to say anything negative about the organization will be humiliated by the leaders or by pears within the organization.
Push Back
I encourage the faithful to push back against all such image management. If you hear these things when you are applying to join an organization, run. If you hear it while working for an organization, challenge it. If you read it in the fundraising appeals of your favorite charity, put your checkbook away.
Image Management has no place in the Christian organization.
Notes:
- DeGroat, Chuck. When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse (p. 92). (Function). Kindle Edition. ↩︎
- Wade T. Mullen, “Wade Mullen PhD Dissertation.Pdf,” Google Docs, accessed March 6, 2023, https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rXrd8MYay5Vg5s7JXFx7S91hDTlm1CVX/view?usp=embed_facebook, 4. ↩︎
- DeGroat, Chuck. When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse (pp. 105-106). (Function). Kindle Edition. ↩︎