Category Archives: Hybels Willow Creek

Liberty U: Not My Job

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We have had a pandemic, wildfires, drought, political fights, and all manner of mahem it seems over the past six months. Add to those the almost unbearable failure of Christian leaders right and left.

Each of these leaders have portrayed toxic leadership characteristics for some time. But, in each case, they have continued to be held up as gifted and powerful Christian witnesses to the world by the evangelical church.

Gifting should not be the only standard we bear for the support of Christian leaders.

Yet, the horrific sin of these gifted leaders is often overlooked by those who follow them. And, unfortunately, as Jean Lipman-Blumen notes,

“These intriguing leaders first charm but then manipulate, mistreat, undermine, and ultimately leave their followers worse off than they found them.” 1

We are worse off in the end. No matter their gifting.

The church cannot think that all those gifts can overcome toxic, arrogant, self-centered leadership. It will all end. And, it will end in hurt. This rule of life is not established by their followers but by the God Who created His world and continues to rule it.

Ahab said to Elijah, “Have you found me, O my enemy?” He answered, “I have found you, because you have sold yourself to do what is evil in the sight of the LORD. Behold, I will bring disaster upon you. I will utterly burn you up, and will cut off from Ahab every male, bond or free, in Israel. And I will make your house like the house of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, and like the house of Baasha the son of Ahijah, for the anger to which you have provoked me, and because you have made Israel to sin. And of Jezebel the LORD also said, The dogs shall eat Jezebel within the walls of Jezreel.’ Anyone belonging to Ahab who dies in the city the dogs shall eat, and anyone of his who dies in the open country the birds of the heavens shall eat.”

1 Kings 21:20-24 (ESV)

Pretty harsh. The leaders of God’s people have a great responsibility. It is why those who desire to lead are both encouraged that it is a noble desire and instructed to be noble [1 Tim. 3:1, James 3:1, 1 Peter 5:1-4, Titus 1:7, etc].

And held to high standards.

One of the more recent failures was Jerry Falwell, Jr.. Falwell’s father has been held up as by some as a standard to which Junior did not achieve. But Cal Thomas wrote many years ago that Jerry Senior’s fundamental approach to the Moral Majority’s influence during its heyday was in wielding worldly power.2

This is the legacy that Falwell Jr. caught and bred at Liberty University.

According to Daniel Burke, “Karen Swallow Prior, a former professor at Liberty, said Falwell ruled the campus with virtually unchecked power.” Burke notes that Falwell was interested in creating an academically, financially, and athletically successful university. Not “to live a Christian life.” 3

Karen Swallow also said,

“There have been red flags for a long time…The kind of arrogance and authoritarian leadership that we experience as faculty was really just a symptom of this lifestyle that obviously was one in which he thought he could do anything and get away with it.”

It wasn’t Jerry’s job

Unfortunately for Jerry Jr., God balks at such callousness among those who claim Christ and lead His people. It matters not whether they lead a “Christian” organization or a business or non-profit entity. Those who claim Christ must also claim His life. 

In the church we seem to have low standards for putting in leadership and high standards for removal from that leadership.

Many of the Christian leaders who have fallen from their lofty perches of late have been raising red flags for years. Those in their inner circles either were silenced or turned blind eyes to these leaders’ authoritarian, immoral, and arrogant leadership. Maybe, they overlooked their character while upholding their worldly giftedness.

Burke said, “Falwell Jr. likely assumed that as long as he kept Liberty rolling in money, no one would care much about his personal morality.”

When will it end? Not until Jesus returns to right every wrong and bring his broken and bruised people home. But until then, the church has the high calling of calling our leaders to account. God’s standards for leadership are very high and his standards for removal are actually quite low.

Honor professing Christian leaders who genuinely follow Christ [1 Tim. 5:17].

Take courage and remove those who do not [1 Tim. 5:20].

Notes:

1 Lipman-Blumen, Jean. The Allure of Toxic Leaders: Why We Follow Destructive Bosses and Corrupt Politicians–and How We Can Survive Them. Oxford University Press, 2004.
 
2 Thomas, Cal, and Ed Dobson. Blinded by Might. 2nd Edition. Grand Rapids, Mich: Zondervan, 2000.
 
 
 

Book by Editor of P&S

Kelly Dehnert, Editor of Pearls and Swine, has written a book about his family’s life in Africa as missionaries. The book provides helpful insights to engaging other cultures.

Free Preview:

What others say about the book:

Historians study something called ‘movement’ — how one people group becomes a different people group simply by moving into another people group. The Dehnert tribe is a perfect microcosm of ‘movement’ – and we are all better for it. This book would be helpful for anyone considering cross-cultural service. For everyone else, especially we ‘experts,’ this book is a helpful lesson in humility – learning again the limits of our learning!

Rev. Sam McDonald
Pastor, Faith Presbyterian – Brookhaven, Mississippi
Former Missionary to Malawi

Stupid [Toxic] Leaders: Lessons from Proverbs

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A fundamental character trait of good leaders is humility. However, many have experienced quite the opposite in their Christian organizations.

There seems to be a pervading sense of arrogance and hunger for power in our current culture, though I have no statistics to back it up nor do I know the heart of man. Though the business world has made great strides in the development of leadership models that emphasize a form of humility, the Christian community continues to struggle along with the world around them.

We continue to create more James MacDonalds, James Bakkers, Mark Driscolls, Bill Hybels, Jerry Falwell Jrs….etc.

There seems to be a love affair with leaders who thumb their noses at community and authority alike. They operate on the assumption that their way is always right and simply claim persecution when confronted.

My recent reading of Proverbs has given me a glimpse at the kind of people who should be in leadership in Christian organizations and the church. It is chock full of references to humility. And the Proverbs don’t pull punches.

Take for instance:

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but he who hates reproof is stupid.

Proverbs 12:1

Those who don’t respond to reproof – or criticism – are stupid. I have been on a crusade lately to rid our public discourse, and mine, of words like that. But that word certainly gets to the core of the problem. The leader (or anyone else) who refuses to listen to criticism – who blows off any discussion of how they may have failed – is stupid. They are hurting themselves and hurting others. They are failing to grow and become more what the Lord wants them to be.

Toxic leaders, that are being challenged, market it as persecution. They must retain their image. They must be “right.” But Proverbs has something to say about that:

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
but a wise man listens to advice.

Proverbs 12:15 (ESV)

These people see themselves as right. A toxic leader will always see themselves as right. There is no humility that would mold their response to criticism. They can’t possibly be the one in the wrong.

Dan Allendar, a Chritian psychologist, has written many helpful books. One in particular, Bold Love, discusses the “scoffer.” Scoffer is a title given to a particularly evil person in the Proverbs.

All of us are capable of doing evil things, but evil people are driven by a self-interest that is so heartless, conscious, and cruel that it delights in stealing from others the lifeblood of their soul. Often the one who delights in evil is an ordinary, unassuming person who hides behind a facade of normalcy. Few people who are evil ever appear evil, even after the evidence of their deceit, destructiveness, and hardness is exposed.

Bold Love, page 233

These are the scoffers that Allendar describes.

A wise son hears his father’s instruction,
but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.

Proverbs 13:1 (ESV)

Humility drives out self-interest. Humility answers a rebuke with…well, humility. Exhortation provides an opportunity for growth and community interconnectedness. Not power and self-interest. And in humility, the wise leader will hear it, seaking to grow as a leader and Jesus-follower.

Who are your heroes? Are they like Jesus or arrogant and power-hungry?

Let’s get on top of this. May the church nurture and hold up humble leadership.

Notes

Allender, Dan B., and Tremper Longman III. Bold Love. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 2014.

22 Years of Failure: The Church’s Response to Abuse

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Marsha sought help from leaders of the many churches she and her abusive husband attended over the years.

After 20 years of marriage she told her whole, sordid story to a couple church leaders who seemed to “get it.” As they heard her story, they listened with concern for her. Their initial responses were helpful and safe.

It All Began . . .

Marsha was sexually assaulted twice as a child on the mission field, later by a relative, and then as a young adult by an assistant church pastor. It seems that each time she turned to spiritual leaders or those who should have had her wefare in mind, she was abused.

In her late-twenties Marsha was introduced to her future husband by friends and had a short courtship. Within a few months they were at the altar repeating their vows to love and cherish one another.

Then it began.

There had been no sign of abusive behavior in their short courtship. But on their honeymoon he lost it and “yelled” at her for accidentally crushing the sand dollars collected on the beach, making quite a scene. Marsha explained to me, “Time went on and his anger was very present when conflict arose.”

In each location they lived, she sought help from church leaders. They were moving about every three to four years due to her husband’s job. One pastor, when asked for counsel told her husband to “love her” and told her to “get her parents out of it.” Marsha had shared his raging moments with her parents over time including the time she said, “He was yelling at me with a dog gate held over his head.”

In obedience to the pastor, Marsha faithfully “kept [her parents] out of it” for 17 years.

Bad to Worse

When things finally completely boiled over, she sought out a church that would understand abuse and help her. She had believed, as some of the churches had told her, that she must dutifully submit to her husband and that divorce was one of the worst actions anyone could ever take.

Church leaders, tasked with shepherding her and caring for her spiritual wellbeing, had faithfully taught her to just hang in there…because God hates divorce.

When she told her story to two pastors in the new church, they wrapped their arms around her. The senior pastor advised her to legally separate. She began that process.

Then, the elders met with her husband.

It all seemed to turn on its head. She began receiving communications from the pastors and a woman who was part of a group tasked with helping other women in crisis. They shared with Marsha in emails and conversations such things as:

  • I don’t find grounds for you to divorce your husband.
  • We are hoping that you might be willing to enter into a process to possibly restore your marriage.
  • It seems you have a habit of leaving churches that challenge your views. Sounds like the same ol’ song.
  • We’ve inherited an estrangement that has gone on for 20 years and one in which several churches have not been consistently speaking into.
  • Relational estrangement is far removed from fixing appliances and cars…It requires two willing people.  It requires repentance and forgiveness….And so we need time to make room for all these things.  It demands patience from all involved.

After more than twenty years. “It demands patience” was all the pastor could come up with. We need to make room for all these things.

This is a typical problem for those in abusive situations. It does indeed take two willing people. Apparently, church leaders having not gone through the years of living in hell with an abuser think they need the survivor to slow down for them to catch up.

They hear the abuser’s manipulation and are sucked into his vortex of lies.

Suddenly, a church that knows little of the story wants the victim to “be patient” while they dot their i’s and check off the boxes they need to feel justified in allowing her to divorce (if they will allow divorce). They think they can finally fix the marital problems where others have failed…

My wife calls it ignorance and arrogance.

It is where many of us have been when we had little understanding of abuse. We can be so ignorant and then, thinking we are so knowledgeable of God’s will, arrogantly espouse platitudes about love and mercy and commitment…and forgiveness.

Abuse is not “estrangement”

It was a strange and calming term to use for the violence perpetrated by Marsha’s oppressive and manipulative husband. “Oppression” is the term that scripture uses. My guess is the pastor used the term “estrangement” (consciously or subconsciously) to bring the abuse down to a manageable level with which the leaders could deal.

As we consider why church leaders would care so poorly for targets of domestic violence, I would suggest that there is a fundamental underlying failure in our theology of divorce.

We think all divorce is bad

Some get this from Malachi as he takes God’s people to task for divorce:

“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

Malachi 2:16 (ESV)

There are few who have not heard translations of this verse that say “God hates divorce” such as the American Standard Version and King James. Theologian after theologian quote these versions to battle our culture of no-fault divorce.

But notice how the English Standard Version translates it:

“The man who does not love his wife but divorces her…covers his garment with violence.” 

The New International Version says,

“The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty.”

There are difficulties in the translation of this passage and scholars disagree. But there is significant evidence that the language used, the context of the culture in which it was written, and traditional rabbinic interpretation would suggest the ESV and NIV likely have it right.[1]

It is not divorce the Lord hates, but the reasons for the divorce; the husband does not love his wife. The husband is not treating his wife well. He has severed the covenant he made with his wife.

That can be evidenced in abusive behavior, adultery, addiction to pornography, and other ways that reject his wife, breaking his covenant to love and protect he made at the altar.

This translation makes more sense when considering God’s own actions. He is said to “divorce” Israel in its rebellion, called adultery. [Jeremiah 3:8]

God hated Israel’s adultery and found it necessary to turn away from them just as a survivor of abuse must turn away from the evil of their covenant-breaking spouse.

If divorce were evil in itself, God would never take part in it.

We hold men and women in bondage as we expect them to “hang in there” when a spouse radically breaks their covenant vows through abuse. Whether it be adultery or abuse, the innocent party has biblical grounds to take the legal steps to put a legal stamp of “divorce” on the actions of divorce. A divorce has already taken place in the marriage by the offending party.

In case of abuse, divorce is not only the safe option but the loving option.  Abusers must be held accountable if there is to be lasting change. The Lord most certainly wants the abuser to change.

The church should stand beside those who are suffering abusive relationships. They should do everything in their power to give aid and safety to the survivor, including “allowing” the decision to divorce should the survivor seek it.

Not begrudgingly. Not hesitantly. But with their blessing.

 

NOTES

1 David Instone-Brewer, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible: The Social and Literary Context (Kindle, Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing, 2002), 1075.

Mission Agency Leaders & Matthew 18

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Sandi* has worked for mission agencies almost her entire adult career. In fact, she was the child of missionaries. Japan, Eastern Europe, Africa…she has sought to build Christ’s kingdom on three continents.

And Sandi has experienced multiple toxic leaders in those mission agencies.

I have heard missionaries say many times, “I thought I was working alongside brothers and sisters in Christ with the goal of shining the light of Christ in a dark world.”

But instead they found they were working for men (and women) who abused their authority and expressed extraordinary evil.

Following are a few of her stories

Serving in the Bush

When Sandi was a small child her parents packed up their children, leaving behind a U.S. mission work to travel to Africa. They were headed out to help a former employee of her father’s who was serving in the “bush.” They arrived in the middle of nowhere to discover the family they were there to help was leaving within a week on a year-long furlough.

They had no idea.

It was years later that she would serve under one of the children of that family. I would sit in an office while she confronted her childhood friend and I experienced my first real abuse of leadership firsthand.

The smooth, charming, and reasonable response from the leader while Sandi nearly came unglued turned my allegiance to him. However, several years later I would discover that he was lying through his teeth, a shocking discovery when I thought Christian leaders could not possibly be so evil.

Austria

As a young adult she traveled to work in Austria with a major mission organization. A local supporter of the organization tried to sexually molest her, deeply traumatizing her.

After complaining to leadership, she was told to “wait until he does it again and then tell him no.”

Nothing was done to bring accountability to the molester. It was Sandi’s responsibility to keep from being molested.

Eastern Bloc

Again, as a young adult, Sandi joined a mission work in the Eastern bloc. There were three single woman missionaries “who had been fighting over one man.” They followed Sandi around pretending to be her friend. It became evident they were looking for things they could put on a list of reasons why she “wasn’t fit to be part of their team.”

As she sat in a meeting, the mission leadership allowed the girls to read off their list in front of him making her “look like a fool.” Sandi said she was heart broken and sobbing. The leader “dismissed the girls, then put his arm around my shoulders and tried to comfort me.”

Not long after, they dismissed her from the mission.

Africa

Now serving another mission agency, Sandi is facing more toxic leadership.

Johann*, the country director, became emeshed in a conflict of interest in the hiring of a national board member to provide services for the mission. In addition, the board member had a horrible reputation in the village.

Johann had clearly become so close to the situation he could not see straight.

A young couple joined the mission and was providing excellent ministry. Sandi described them as the best missionaries the agency had on the field in her country.

The couple was informed of “payoffs” to the board member by sub-contractors. The board member was withholding some of their contracted fees as payments to keep their contracts.

Two of them came forward anonymously as they knew they would get little work in the future if it was made known they were complaining.

When the young couple went to Johann he promised to investigate. He went to the board member and asked him. He was told it was all foolishness. Johann told the couple the sub-contractors were jealous.

When Sandi also confronted Johann he began quoting Matthew 18. The sub-contractors needed to go directly to the board member and they needed to come out of the closet. He expected at least three to speak publicly. No matter that they would likely lose the contracts in retribution by the board member.

Johann “pocketed” the board, ordering them to provide all email communications with Sandi and to cut off communication with her. Despite being “under” the authority of the national board, he had clearly taken charge of them and they were afraid of him.

Then two days before the board meeting they sent Sandi an email telling her to come to a board meeting in one day. It was “five hours drive away.”

She said she declined.

Though Johann has admitted that he should not have used the board member, he continues to work with him.

Matthew 18 and Mission Leadership

In the masses of emails Sandi has sent to those in authority in the mission agency, there has been a very clear failure to understand leadership abuse. Matthew 18 – where Jesus explains how a brother in Christ should confront another brother who has sinned against him – has become the centerpiece of their counsel to Sandi.

However, Matthew 18 must be very carefully applied in the context of leader – subordinate conflicts.

Matthew 18 contains Jesus’ instructions to privately confront a “brother” who has sinned against you. Should he fail to respond, then it is taught that one or two others should be brought along to confront once again. Should that fail to get his attention, the church should be informed and involved in the discipline process.

Some commentators caution against using Matthew 18 as guidance in cases where there is a “power differential.” When someone in authority sins against a subordinate, they suggest the same “rules” do not apply. Jesus’ use of the term “brother” in the passage may be making it evident his instruction is intended for those on equal footing – ie. my neighbor coming to me to confront my sin…not my employee.

However, rather than throw the baby out with the bathwater, it may be more appropriate to apply the principles evident in the instruction Jesus gives even to those cases.

Rather than legalistically following the passage in Sandi’s case, her leaders should be understanding their fiduciery responsibility to the mission organization. They have a responsibility to protect their donors, who have given hundreds of thousands of dollars, from the mismanagement of those funds by one of their leaders.

And they have a responsibility to protect their employees from leaders who are abusing their authority.

They need to investigate the matter. Or, in a case like this consider bringing the legal authorities in to investigate as it may be a matter of breaking the law.

Sandi’s responsibility, as a subordinate, was to share what she knew of the mismanagement to those who have authority over him. Whistleblowers are not ultimately responsible for changing the offender’s heart and should not be expected by those in authority to expose themselves to the possible dangers of confronting a toxic boss.

Many non-profits (and corporations) now have by-law clauses that provide protection for “whistleblowers.” Agencies are beginning to understand their responsibility to protect those who, in good faith, seek to bring accountability to evil leadership.

Read Chapter 18 in Context of Chapter 7

Consideration of Matthew 7, also Jesus’ instructions about confrontation, may also be in order. Confronting dangerous people is not a biblical requirement. Matthew 18 helps those who have no fear of losing their jobs (or lives in some cases) and Matthew 7 speaks to whistleblowing in organizations where there is danger in confronting the toxicity of a leader.

I will not go into more detail as I have written before regarding the interpretation of Matthew 18 in context of Matthew 7.

Sunday School Understanding

Unfortunately, leadership failure is terribly common in mission organizations. Sometimes, they are simply honest mistakes. Sometimes the failures take a more sinister tone.

Either way, leaders need training and a more robust understanding of God’s Word than they received in their Sunday schools. At times they may be just covering the discomfort they have with confronting their subordinate leader by pushing off Matthew 18 on their employee.

It is important these leaders take leadership in holding those mid-level leaders under their authority accountable for their failures.

In the end, Sandi said, “It makes me realize the power of God in my life.” As she noted, many would “fold their tent and go home.” But she is praying that this season of life “will be the most profitable.”

* Not their real names.

Sin or Safety: Where is Our Focus?

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A comment was made recently by a survivor of sexual assault that really struck me. She said the church tends to focus on the perpetrator at the expense of the victim. I did not really understand at first but then had an “aha” moment.

Are we more focused on sin or safety?

When my wife and I witnessed a verbal abuse attack of a close friend by her husband soon after they were married, we were ignorant of abuse. He began apologizing and hung his head. We immediately began consoling him.

His new wife sat in anger and fear while we consoled him.

We put our arms around him.

We consoled him.

We expected her to forgive and forget.

Years later we realized our horrible mistake.

But we know that this is what the church tends to do in many cases. There is much to be done to help the church become a safe place for those who are suffering under leadership or domestic abuse.

We look back at that experience in shame. We have since learned much about abuse in the workplace and home and realize our failure.

Getting Repentance

We tend to focus on bringing the oppressor to repentance. Rather than doing all we can, first and formost, to provide safety and solace for the victim(s), we begin speaking words of exhortation and God’s promises of comfort to the abuser.

Jeff (not his real name) told me his story of bringing two other ministry leaders (major names in Christian organizations) to the founder of the ministry of which he was a upper-level manager. The founder had sexually harrassed multiple women in the ministry’s employ. They sought the founder’s repentance and suggested he step down for a few months’ time to get counseling.

Seeking the repentance of sinners is most certainly of biblical importance. It is the ultimate work of Christ to bring us to repentance.

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

2 Timothy 2:24-26 (ESV)

He has done this work in us and we are called to seek it in others through the preaching of the sweet and welcome message of the Good News. Note the sweet words in the 2nd Timothy passage. “Be kind,” “patiently enduring evil,” correcting with “gentleness.” Romans 2:4  says,

Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?

What leads to repentance? “God’s kindness!” And we are to mimic the Lord in this good work.

Foundations of Spiritual / Psychological

But it is important for those who come into contact with abusive leaders in the home and workplace to know the spiritual and psychological forces of this particular brokenness in God’s creation. It is Paul’s words to the Romans in the chapter before the one quoted above that helps us understand the dynamics of abuse:

And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.

Romans 1:28-32 (ESV)

Even a cursory look at those words gives you a description of an oppressive and abusive individual. “Evil, covetousness, malice, envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness, slanderers, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, heartless, ruthless…“

These are not the descriptions of your average Joe.

The foundational sin of Paul’s words of exhortation are found in verse 25:

They…worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator…

Idolatry, which is the giving of honor and attention first and foremost to anything other than the Lord Who created the heavens and the earth, is foundational to abuse. Those who have worked tirelessly to bring abusers to repentance can testify to the sense that abusers have been given up to their incredible debasement. They have moved farther and farther away from truly humbling themselves before their Creator.

They are always right. They are always the target of those other people. They always have justification for their sin. They lie. They are heartless and ruthless.

The sin / psychology of the abuser is one of entitlement. HE / SHE is the center of the universe in which he / she lives. He deserves all the good he receives…whether from man, woman, animal, or God.

And in this case, God calls them to account.

Being Pastoral

Therefore, we “pastor” the abuser differently than we do the average Joe. The Bible draws a distinction between the sinner next door and an oppressor as they welcome the Gospel.

  • The average Joe will hear the Gospel and see it as the good news it is. An undeserving sinner has been served by the deserving God and come out smelling like roses. Wow! To grace he is a debtor.
  • To the abuser the Gospel is what he deserves. He is entitled to the good treatment by God and by others. He receives his subordinates’ or wife’s praise as that which is merited. He has been given over to his idolatry – he deeply loves himself.

Pastoring the abuser therefore means calling him to account. It means not giving in to his foolishness and manipulation but kindly and humbly telling him he is wrong and needs to turn from his blame-shifting, justifying, and oppressive behavior.

Jeff and his entourage experienced a common response of abusive leaders following the hearing of a Gospel-like confrontation: The Founder fired Jeff. And a major donor coddled the Founder by threatening to pull his support of the ministry if the board of directors did not keep him in place.

The Founder stayed in his leadership position for 10 more years when the overwhelming evidence of more and more harassment became unbearable to the organization’s good name.

He took advantage of others’ “gentleness” while slaughtering women under his leadership.

Accountability, Not Coddling

Those with experience working with abuser intervention programs do so with an unswerving focus on accountability. They do not allow their counselees to bamboozle or take advantage. They hold them accountable.

We often hear the perpetrator’s words of shame (when caught in his misdeed) with little suspicion and give words of comfort without repentance being evidenced in life. I have been that man who received an abuser’s words of supposed repentance only to see him continue to oppress. [see this for a good list of indicators of repentance]

It is time for the church to work towards educating its masses that they might seek to comfort the oppressed and if possible call the oppressor to account.

This is God’s pattern:

Whenever the Lord raised up judges for them, the Lord was with the judge, and he saved them from the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge. For the Lord was moved to pity by their groaning because of those who afflicted and oppressed them.

Judges 2:18 (ESV)

The Lord stood by the oppressed. He brought them safety. He was on their side. He did not say to the oppressors, “What is your side of the story? How can we help you?” We know how to help them and it is to bring them to account.

He stood unswervingly at the side of the oppressed.

This is a far cry from how many churches have handled reports of abuse. It is not uncommon that in the interest of being “fair,” the church unknowingly sides with the oppressor. By giving the oppressor the opportunity to continue to tear down his target, we are siding with him. To give him a voice, we take away the long-silenced voice of his target.

Do not allow abusive leaders to “presume on the riches of [God’s] kindness and forbearance and patience.”

Call them to account.

Notes:

Consider picking up a free copy of “Becoming a Church that Cares About Abuse.”

Outing a Swine: What the Pope, Hybels, & Driscoll Truly Need

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They do not want accountability.

But, by the grace of God they should have it.

We need to quit thinking that grace and mercy mean covering up or overlooking…and see the true biblical grace and mercy that leads us to Christ. 

Newton Knew Grace

It was “grace that first taught my heart to fear…” John Newton wrote this wonderful line (Amazing Grace) following his conversion from being a slave ship captain to Christianity. Newton came to understand his destitution and depravity. He understood that it was grace that showed him he had something to fear in this life: God almighty.

We consider it grace when a parent does not allow a child to do something dangerous. We consider it grace when we are turned from life-killing sin.

Rescue those who are being taken away to death;
hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.
If you say, “Behold, we did not know this,”
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it,
and will he not repay man according to his work? [Proverbs 24:11-12 (ESV)]

This is grace. Not allowing a toxic leader to continue to abuse others. Not only is he hurting and traumatizing others, he is hurting and traumatizing himself. When he is confronted and held accountable for his sins and thereby rescued from being taken away to death, it is grace. It is this grace for which the writer of this proverb says we are responsible.

So, it is not bitterness or anger or get-evenness that is necessarily the motive behind seeking accountability for those who abuse authority like Hybels and Driscoll as many in the church think. It is grace. The grace of accountability is the kindness of God that can lead to repentance [Romans 2:4]

Swine Crush the Pearls

But, remember that a truly abusive individual – one who is thoroughly lacking in humility – will rarely respond well to accountability. Though it be the grace of accountability you offer him, he may continue to feed upon the sheep as Jude 12 puts it.

Or, put in the Matthew 7 context, he will crush the pearls you cast before him [Matthew 7:6]. The Good News, or “pearls,” can be cast before the pigs so they have good food, but it is an expensive treat that they may not appreciate. And, not only will they fail to recognize the gift given, they will actually trample the Good News into the mud.

And turn to eat you alive.

Consider the Pope’s, Driscoll’s and Hybel’s response to being confronted. I don’t know anything. It was their fault. They just don’t understand. They will blame and deny [Hybels @ Willow Creek]. Move on to another church [Driscoll @ Mars Hill]. Or refuse to comment.

The pope did not deny it, but sidestepped the questions by insisting he would not dignify them with a response. [NY Times]

We might be motivated by bitterness. We may go on the attack like a swine. We need to question our motives and be careful of our tack…then seek their accountability. But, remember it is God who ultimately calls them to accountability.

If they are unrepentant, they are meant for destruction [Philippians 3:19]. Their appetite is for power and control and you cannot change it. It is ultimately not in your hands. God calls his people to call for accountability. But, He does not call us to change people. He does not call us to change other’s hearts. He does the changing.

In the end pigs will be slaughtered if God does not open their hearts and eyes to the grace (pearls) being offered that they might respond in repentance. God will bring justice. He may bring accountability in this life.

But, we are absolutely assured he will bring accountability in the next.