In James’ first chapter of his epistle to the “twelve tribes of the dispersion,” he takes abusive people to task. Maybe you have never noticed this before. Often, a passage in scripture comes alive once you experience something of it.
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger…
James 1:19
We can all relate to these verses as we go about our selfish days. We can often be very quick to speak and quite speedy at becoming angry. Some of us really love to hear ourselves talk rather than hear others and their ideas and struggles.
Abusive leaders are often described as failing at verse 19. However, a strange thing about abusers is that rarely are they “out of control.” We may think that they are quick to become angry. Outwardly this is how it appears as they assault their victims. They seem out of control of their emotions.
However, abusive people are often exceedingly good at controlling their anger and words. It is because of that self-control that those who are not the targets of their violent speech are often surprised by accusations that so-and-so is abusive. These bystanders have only observed the abuser’s self-control and even kindness. “He isn’t abusive. He is one of the nicest guys I know!”
For a number of years, the abusive leaders of our organization held their tongues and were very kind to my family. We enjoyed vacations and special dinners with them and their public praise. However, others shared their horror stories of deceit, harshness, and authoritarian leadership experiences with us.
We would, in quiet and calming tones, pass on our wisdom: “The leaders are sinners just like us and will say mean things. Just give them grace.” We figured the treatment these victims received was due to their poor relational skills.
Then the leaders’ tongues were turned on us. Lies. Angry outbursts. Authoritarian orders out of the blue.
Suddenly, we understood what others had been saying for years.
Unhelpful Bystanders
This is the difficulty. Those who can stand up and support others suffering abusive leadership in the home or workplace do not have a clue because the abuser controls themselves with those with whom they need to control themselves.
In corporations or organizations abusive mid-managers will suck up to their bosses while making life nearly hell for their subordinates. Because, they know how to control their anger and tongues. These abusive individuals need to put on a good face for those upline in management. Then they can turn their withering tongues on those under them.
As a friend and I were discussing lately, this is why many make the climb up the ladder of organizations that are supposed to be “imaging” Jesus’ life. The church just shakes its head at the Mark Driscolls, Jerry Falwell Jrs., and Bill Heibels of this world. “How did they get so far up the ladder?”
Because they knew when to blow and when to be kind. They knew when to dismember and when to charm.
When that charming, well-spoken, talented leader is accused of abusive tactics with his subordinates, don’t be surprised. Hear the stories and do what you can to bring accountability.
I wrote a blog a couple years ago that described my frustration at seeing the online praise and honor given to a toxic leader of a Christian organization. He had died and he was praised on social media by several who knew his toxic leadership.
I was frustrated by the lack of vindication. I had suffered under his ungodly leadership and I felt isolated. Quite frankly, I would have prefered having those same people explaining his toxic leadership on social media.
My friends contacted me soon after that blog to apologize for their honoring of this toxic leader.
In addition, In just a short time, I have witnessed (not on the spot, mind you) the burning down of one church, the flooding of another, and death of another tormentor (ministry leader). The two churches were those who had horribly mistreated sexual abuse victims and supported their perpetrators.
Ah, vindication.
Today I was reading in Psalm 54 and got another take on this by the Holy Spirit impressing upon me God’s vindication. I was deeply challenged for the attitudes I have had.
Psalm 54 says “strangers have risen up against me.” But David, the composer, says,
Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life. He will return the evil to my enemies; in your faithfulness put an end to them.
Psalm 54:4-5 (ESV)
I was struck by David’s confidence that the Lord would “return the evil” to his enemies.
A question came to mind: Will that “evil” God returns to my enemies be in this life (through trials and tribulations), the end of their life, or simply in the final judgment? He says, in faithfulness, he will “put an end to them.”
I wondered if the end of those who attack God’s people is consistently a horrible end? Maybe they will suffer financial disaster. Or flooding and fire. Or broken relationships with those close to them. Or some particularly difficult death?
Asaph certainly didn’t think so:
For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. For they have no pangs until death; their bodies are fat and sleek. They are not in trouble as others are; they are not stricken like the rest of mankind.
Psalm 73:3-5 (ESV)
Whether or not God judges these people, who are set against God’s children, by bringing visible hurt upon them in this life or not, there will be vindication for His people according to David in Psalm 54.
I felt badly that others had praised my tormentor (ministry leader) but David, in Psalm 54, showed me that my vindication comes by God’s hand. I need not see it through man’s judgment. And certainly not on social media! I can rest in forgiveness knowing that God will either bring my oppressor around to repentance or bring him to the grave to face eternal fire or a cleansing of glory (if a true believer).
I will be vindicated…but it will be by the Lord.
David’s words are freeing. They set free my captive heart to see the vindication I so desire. I can lay my head down knowing that it matters not in what form that vindication comes. My God, the Creator of the Universe, is on my side because I am His child.
And He will bring His justice to pass…either by convincing the abuser of his wickedness or bringing him well-earned justice.
Our CEO’s wife was a bear. She bragged how she would run off roommates in college so she could have the room to herself. She had not changed in the ensuing years.
On the other hand, her husband was rather charming. You mostly knew where you stood with her—in the doghouse. But, her husband? He manipulated circumstances with great skill.
There are times when a Christian struggles with what kind of attitude he should have towards a boss who seems quite beyond the reach of the Gospel.
Maybe the boss is unwilling to see his evil behavior. Maybe the power differential between the boss and subordinate makes it non-condusive to confronting the boss’ sin. Maybe attempts have been made to bring reconciliation in the relationship and failed miserably. In fact, maybe the attempts made it even worse.
Christians read the Psalms and find statements that seem to conflict with the open-hearted, mercy-oriented, forgiveness-driven Gospel we preach from our pulpits. King David, a man after God’s own heart, says,
For it is not an enemy who taunts me— then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me— then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. We used to take sweet counsel together; within God’s house we walked in the throng. Let death steal over them; let them go down to Sheol alive; for evil is in their dwelling place and in their heart.
Psalms 55:12-15 (ESV)
Imprecatory Psalms
Psalm 55 is among the Psalms called “imprecatory.” These Psalms are those that call for the destruction of or curses upon the enemy of the writer. An article on the Bible Gateway website lists Psalms 5, 10, 17, 35, 58, 59, 69, 70, 79, 83, 109, 129, 137, and 140 as imprecatory Psalms.[1]
One commentary on the imprecatory Psalms said, “These prayers awaken the conscience to the human cry for redress, the cosmic demand for moral order and justice. They can lead one to feel as deeply as one ought the horrendous insult to Yahweh and his creation perpetrated by those who lie and cheat and kill and abuse and blaspheme . . .These prayers awaken that outrage, which is to be offered to God and which motivates to redemptive action.“
Discomfort with Judgment
When I have spoken with Christian employees about Psalm 55, they were clearly uncomfortable with the judgmental character of it. Even among theologians there is obvious discomfort. More often than not, the words of David are ignored or downplayed and it is suggested we should pray for evil people to be redeemed—not destroyed.
It was not until serving under a toxic boss and doing research into the dynamics of abuse that I began to understand the imprecatory Psalms.
In Matthew 7, Jesus calls those who do not respond well to confrontation “pigs,” and suggests silence rather than confrontation. David, in Psalm 55, takes it a step further, praying for the judgment and destruction of his enemies. He says, with apparent assurance, “But you, O God, will cast them down into the pit of destruction.”[2]
A Familiar Friend
To many who have suffered under toxic leadership, David’s struggle is very familiar as it was for my wife and me. David noted that his enemy is not an unknown person. He is David’s friend. David calls him “my equal, my companion, my familiar friend.”[3]
David says he could have tolerated “oppression and fraud,” however “what incurs his wrath is the treachery of a trusted friend.”[4] The psalmist explains it was not an adversary who oppressed him, but an individual with whom he took “sweet counsel together.”
The word counsel “implies intimacy,” according to The New Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible. Donald Guthrie says, David “had known unity of heart” with this friend “as they worshipped God” together.[5]
Some of those with whom I have spoken believed they had good relationships with their leader. Many worshiped, worked, recreated, and socialized with their leader. The Christian organization is sometimes a family-like setting. Often the mission station is a tight-knit group living communally.
Adam, a missionary in Africa, believed his relationship with the CEO was professional, but he also recalled being taken to dinner and enjoying family outings together. Graham said, “We really, really thought we were a Christian family.” My family went on vacations, to dinner, concerts, and to church with our leaders.
When abuse became apparent, the participants were often surprised and confused by the dysfunction in the organization. They, like abuse victims Lundy Bancroft describes, were perplexed by the cruelty displayed by these “friends.”[6]
However, like some commentators, the participants were hesitant to pray as David prayed in their situation. Guthrie said David was God’s “anointed king” and so had a get out of jail free card. He distinguished his circumstances from normal relational conflict. Yet, the Psalms were sung in worship by all Israel, not just David.
Graham, an one of my interviewees, specifically sought to keep such thoughts of “adversary” or “enemy” out of the team’s thinking as he and other employees went through the steps of confrontation with the CEO. To this day he refuses to use this terminology. I heard about a well-known pastor’s experience when an elder in his church was creating division and strife. People were praying for the pastor and the elder died unexpectedly. But, the pastor was unwilling to suggest it was due to God’s judgment.
The Prerogative of a Sovereign God
However, one of the commentators on Psalm 55, Gerhard Vos, believes it is appropriate to ask for God’s judgment on evil. He says, “The total destruction of evil . . . is the prerogative of the sovereign God.” Some consider it “loving” to refrain from praying for the destruction of an evil person. But, it is important to consider not only the perpetrator, but his victims.
How loving is it to suggest the diabolical one keep reaping destruction on his followers? Is it not more loving to look out for those under his oppression—a perspective that God seems to lean heavily towards in His Word—rather than in any way supporting the abuser? Even when a deeply, unrepentant, evil person repents, it is likely the abuse will continue for some time while God sanctifies him.
Vos goes on to say,
“It is right not only to pray for the accomplishment of this destruction, but even to assist in effecting it when commanded to do so by God himself.”[7]
The Ethical Problem of the Imprecatory Psalms
“Assisting” in the destruction, as Vos suggests, may mean seeking his firing. Or calling him to account before others. The final steps of the Matthew 18 principle of confrontation involve group confrontation and shame. This may be the only way others will find relief from his abuse.
This is loving!
There is a clear distinction in scripture between those who continually refuse repentance and those who have a “heart of flesh” that is teachable. There is a time when trying to “work with someone” comes to an end and public disgrace is necessary to bring justice to the broken-hearted.
This is God-given direction for confronting evil: Praying that God’s mercy will save those suffering from the destruction of the evildoer and doing all in our legitimate power to stop the abuse.
Recently, I enjoyed a good conversation with a new friend. It was an unusual conversation for me in that I spoke very little. John (not his real name) shared with me about his experiences with toxic leaders. His experiences were quite different from others I have heard.
Most of my conversations about abusive leaders are with those who have been traumatized by the toxic leader. What was unique was that he has often been the one standing up for others who have been abused, rather than being the target. John’s demeanor could be described as “gutsy.”
I called him gutsy more than once in the 45-minute conversation. He has shown extraordinary self-differentiation in standing against powerful people. What I believed to be underlying his self-differentiation was that he repeatedly went back to Galatians 5:1.
“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”
He noted that people fail to stand up to abusive bosses because they fear the consequences of their actions. They believe they will become even more of a target of the supervisor’s abuse or possibly even fired. Many report they are fearful of leaving their current position without a good reference as they seek further employment and so do not want to be in conflict with their boss. For these reasons and more, they remain in bondage to a job and boss that causes them emotional and often, physical harm.
However, John was adamant that it is “enslavement to their work that keeps [them] from speaking up.” He finds it inexplicable that “in America we are in the land of the free and home of the brave, but when [a worker’s] liberty is at stake they fail to exercise their liberty.”
John readily noted in an email to me that “the traumatic effects on people subject to abusive environments are long lasting,” and added, “I don’t know how those affected cope with it.” He described multiple situations where friends were deeply traumatized. One suffered so much emotional trauma by an employer, she has had to endure multiple surgeries for physical maladies he believes to have been brought on by the abuse.
But, he said, “These very bad experiences and outcomes are why toxic leadership and environments must not be allowed to prevail.” His numerous experiences in confronting toxic leaders provide a wealth of helpful guidance for those feeling caught in work environments full of toxins. I would summarize his advice in two ways:
Rely on Christ. Our identity is not in the particular work position we hold and toxic work environments are not worthy of holding us enslaved. Therefore, do not fear standing up to the abusive leader if Christ is directing you this way. Jesus is more than able to take care of your needs, including, but not limited to providing a new job! “Not everyone can, but God will help those who speak up for the right.”
Know the leader’s toxins and do all you can to bring others into your band of confronters. John noted that normally toxic leaders “leave a trail of destruction in their wake” and your task is to find those who have been run over and share the burden of confrontation together. It is helpful for the organization to see (and hear) that the boss is hurting the productivity and vision of the organization from many under the toxic boss’ leadership.
John is clearly a curve breaker. He has had extraordinary success in confronting the evil of toxic bosses. He described multiple experiences where the toxins were neutralized and the abused won the day. The targets remained in their positions unlike what statistics tell us to expect.[1] The percentages for this success are extraordinarily low, yet John has marched into several manager’s offices and explained clearly their failings in caring for their employees. As he said, “People always have a dignity. Organizations are not to mistreat their workers.”
John expects bosses to recognize and practice these Biblical truths and will continue to stand up for the rights of the oppressed.
NOTES
[1] Gary Namie, “2014 WBI U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey,” Workplace Bullying Institute, accessed November 1, 2016, http://www.workplacebullying.org. According to the survey, only 15% of the bullies lost their job and 61% of the targets lost theirs.
