Category Archives: Narcissism

Imaging Leadership: When Image is More Important Than Anything

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One of the surest ways to kill an organization is to be driven by image.

One of the surest ways to identify a toxic leader is to find one driven by image.

The Bible is repleat with examples and the modern business and Christian organization world is full of them. It is a huge temptation for any organization that feels more dependent on donor funds than God.

Only in the Christian organization it is spun as “being an example for Christ.”

In other words, truth does not really matter. What really matters is if appearances are kept up for the public. Then Christ is glorified.

And it just so happens, the money flows better that way. Contributions roll in unabated.

But, Jesus never told his people to fake it until you make it. In fact, He most commonly called those who do hypocrites and that was not a positive assessment of their spiritual state (Matthew 6).

Saul and Image

King Saul reigned in Israel approximately 1021–1000 BC. He was their first king, which is a story in itself (not to be discussed here).

At one point he was told by the prophet Samuel to attack Amalek. He did as commanded by the Lord. But, though being told to destroy everyone and everything, Saul spared the king and held onto the best of the sheep and oxen.

Samuel came to Saul having been told by the Lord, “I regret that I have made Saul king, for he has turned back from following me and has not performed my commandments.” (1 Sam. 15:10)

As Samuel confronted him, Saul immediately began shifting the blame to the people. Samuel told him the Lord was stripping him of his kingship. Saul responded,

“I have sinned; yet honor me now before the elders of my people and before Israel, and return with me, that I may bow before the LORD your God.” (1 Samuel 15:30 (ESV))

“I have sinned.” Sounds like he got it right. But listen to those words following.

“Honor me now before the elders of my people and before Israel. . .” His image is of greatest importance here. His confession is only a ploy to please the prophet. His desire for honor far outweighs his relationship with the Lord.

Samuel seems to think so as well.

He tells Saul that he will not return with him and walks away. However, Saul won’t stand for it and grabs the prophet’s robe, tearing it. Samuel in turn uses Saul’s disrespectful action as a metaphor and tells Saul that God is tearing his kingdom away from him just as he tore Samuel’s robe.

And then Samuel returns with Saul and finishes the job Saul was supposed to do.

Outward Appearances

Saul is a good (evil) example of the image-driven pastor, organizational leader, or business CEO. The Lord does not look on outward appearances (2 Cor. 5:12) and you will never get away with being driven by an image rather than the real deal (1 Sam. 16:7). God sees through that. God knows your character through and through.

You cannot put on airs with Jesus like you do for your adoring public.

Jesus will bring it to light at some point.

If you have the opportunity to join an organization that seems to have it all together and never airs its dirty laundry . . . run.

It is unhealthy and hypocritical.

If you have the opportunity to join an organization that seems to have it all together and tells you all the ways that it does ministry better than anyone else . . . run.

It is unhealthy and they are lying.

We Will Crush You

When an organization is driven by image, you can be assured it will do anything to keep that image alive.

That means the leaders will lie about wrongdoing. They will crush dissent. They will refuse criticism . . . even constructive criticism. They will put on a facade for the donors.

On a side note, this is of what NDAs are made. NDAs are often intended to keep that image alive through silencing its victims while offering cold cash for the buyout.

I worked for a mission agency like this. I watched it in action. And I drank the Koolaid for several years. I am not above being sucked in.

My wife had to confront me (in her gracious way) following a missions conference when I came away all blustery about how our mission was so much better than all those other missions.

It was less than a year later that all that image crumbled before me and we left the mission beaten and bruised by the toxic leadership.

It is insidious. Don’t take part in it . . . it will kill you.

For helpful information on “impression management” by Wade Mullen:

Toxic Spillage: The Side-Effects of Following a Toxic Leader

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It is a great story. God’s Kingdom is expanding at an extraordinary rate. The church is loving God and neighbor and is growing like crazy.

But, Herod, the king, was doing what he could to please the Jews, rather than God. He had James killed and had Peter arrested and put in jail. Then the unusual happened.

Now when Herod was about to bring him out, on that very night, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with two chains, and sentries before the door were guarding the prison. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood next to him, and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him, saying, “Get up quickly.” And the chains fell off his hands. And the angel said to him, “Dress yourself and put on your sandals.” And he did so. And he said to him, “Wrap your cloak around you and follow me.” And he went out and followed him.

Acts 12:6-9 (ESV)

Wow.

Miraculously set free by Christ.

But then, we see how toxic leadership creates havoc for others besides their targets.

Now when day came, there was no little disturbance among the soldiers over what had become of Peter. And after Herod searched for him and did not find him, he examined the sentries and ordered that they should be put to death. Then [Peter] went down from Judea to Caesarea and spent time there.

Acts 12:18-19 (ESV)

Absolute Authority and Control

What strikes me about this story is not the miraculous intervention of the Lord on Peter’s and the church’s behalf—which is incredible—but the almost unnoticeable story of Herod’s employees—the guards of the jail.

When Peter was supernaturally saved from Herod’s prison, Herod held the guards accountable. Of course, this was normal practice for the day. The king would have to show that if the prison guards didn’t do their job there was the worst possible punishment coming—death. Surely, other guards would take notice and toe the line.

But, in this case it points to the wickedness of the leader rather than any sense of justice—even in Herod’s screwy world.

Herod needed to establish his absolute authority and control. The guards must die for their failure to keep Peter in prison, though Peter was unchained at no fault of their own.

Evil men impact the lives of others . . . even those who are not necessarily the intended targets of their evil.

The guards died for Herod’s sins.

In time, Herod gets his just due for his toxicity. [A few verses later Luke explains that Herod died a horrible death that is linked to God’s judgment]. But for now, it is those who were simply going about their job, doing what they could to provide for their families, whose lives are ended.

Toxic Spillage

If you work for a Christian organization (or other) that is ruled by a toxic leader, be aware. It will spill out and over you. It is one thing to work for a rotten leader who just doesn’t know how to lead well. We may even say his heart is in the right place. He just doesn’t make good decisions. And those failures impact those they rule.

But if you are working for a Ravi Zacharius, Jerry Falwell Jr., James McDonald, or Mark Driscoll the toxic spillage will drown you. What they do to John is likely in time to happen to you.

Just do a Google search on all the damage done to employees of these toxic leaders.

Chuck DeGroat notes, “They all bear trauma in their bodies and brains. Sleeplessness. Paranoia. Shame. Rage. Indecision. Depression. Anxiety. Suicidal thoughts.”1 This is the testimony of the traumatized over and over.

It isn’t pretty and suffering the “side-effects” of toxic leadership is not worth it.

For years, my family was treated with great kindness by the toxic leaders of our mission organization. We have often said, “We were the favored ones.” But, in time, we faced their wickedness just like others had.

John worked for a major international mission agency and thought he was good friends with the CEO. However, that didn’t stop the CEO from finally taking John’s office keys and requiring him to be out of his desk in short order for doing nothing other than giving some helpful recommendations.

I can guarantee it will happen to you as well unless you very intentionally become complicit in your leader’s evil.

You will be required to keep your head down. You will have to say “yes sir” to every demand no matter how unbiblical. You will be required to keep your mouth shut when unethical (and maybe illegal) practices come to your attention.

I can promise you, it is not God’s calling for you to grovel under such leaders.

And, do not believe for a moment you will escape their onslaught even if you do take the knee.

NOTES

Photo used for graphic by Ivan Bandura.

1 Chuck DeGroat, “Narcissism Is Not a Leadership Style,” accessed February 10, 2020, https://chuckdegroat.net/2020/02/.

Nebuchadnezzar and [un]Humble Leadership

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Humble leadership is the best.

It doesn’t matter if you follow Christ or are an atheist.

Humble leadership works best.

Jim Collins, author of Good to Great, explained that his study of top rated corporations showed humility and an attitude of service by corporate CEOs were important components of the company’s successful productivity. What he called, the “level 5 leader” was “an individual who blends extreme personal humility with intense professional will.”[1]

Collins noted that they are generally very driven and visionary. BUT, they are also humble. That, it seems, is an unusual combination.

Collins was writing to the general business world. . . not Christian leadership. And yet, this kind of leadership is exactly what we find taught in Scripture.

Nebuchadnezzar’s Folly

Recently, I was reading in Daniel and came across this helpful passage for those who want to lead well:

All this came upon King Nebuchadnezzar. At the end of twelve months he was walking on the roof of the royal palace of Babylon, and the king answered and said, “Is not this great Babylon, which I have built by my mighty power as a royal residence and for the glory of my majesty?” While the words were still in the king’s mouth, there fell a voice from heaven, “O King Nebuchadnezzar, to you it is spoken: The kingdom has departed from you, and you shall be driven from among men, and your dwelling shall be with the beasts of the field. And you shall be made to eat grass like an ox, and seven periods of time shall pass over you, until you know that the Most High rules the kingdom of men and gives it to whom he will.” Immediately the word was fulfilled against Nebuchadnezzar.

Daniel 4:28-33

Prior to this event, the king had a dream that was interpreted by Daniel, a servant (though high-ranking) in the king’s house. Daniel did not want to share the interpretation with King Nebuchadnezzar as it was not good news and that could be dangerous for him as a servant.

Daniel warned that the King would be made to be like a beast in the field though at the time he was exceedingly powerful.

Therefore, O king, let my counsel be acceptable to you: break off your sins by practicing righteousness, and your iniquities by showing mercy to the oppressed, that there may perhaps be a lengthening of your prosperity.”

Daniel 4:27 (ESV)

Over the next year, the King apparently refused these prophetic words from Daniel. He began to see his power as his own…having come from his own hands. Maybe he saw his giftedness as a leader and became intoxicated by it. Maybe he saw that whatever he commanded to be done was done by others and became toxic in his entitlement.

So, rather than seeing all that he had as a gift, he stood arrogantly over his minions and proclaimed his power and majesty.

Believe Their Own Press

I saw this kind of transformation of missionaries in African nations where they were shown such deference by the nationals that over time they took for granted they were as great as they thought. They began more and more believing their own press. And they began “lording it over” the nationals just as Jesus warned His disciples not to do [Mark 10:42].

What I want readers to see is that these kinds of [un]humble leaders never end well. That might be hyperbole but, in my own research and experience, it has been consistent. Whether it is their ministry being stripped from them or an early death or catostrophic moral failure. It does not end well for them or their ministry.

It may take time for the arrogance and entitlement of leaders to catch up with them, but it is only a sign that the Lord is very patient and longsuffering.

We have seen multitudes of Christian, business, and political leaders fall in the past few years. Nearly every one can be described as narcissistic, arrogant, abusive, and/or criminal.

What is the solution?

Humility.

At the end of King Nebuchadnezzar’s fall from leadership he said the following:

At the end of the days I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my reason returned to me, and I blessed the Most High, and praised and honored him who lives forever…

Daniel 4:34

The king looked up. He recognized his lowly place despite likely being treated as the king of the world. He saw that the Lord is enthroned above him and rules over him and gave him all that he had.

Humility.

Humble leadership is the best.

[1] James C. Collins, Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap–and Others Don’t, 1st edition (New York: HarperBusiness, 2001), 21.

All Things for Good: Beauty from Ashes

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There is that sense that good overcomes evil (Rom. 12:21).

Good overcomes evil when we respond to wickedness with godliness as Paul says in Romans. Or by apologizing and seeking forgiveness after our own slips into the perpetration of evil.

It is not uncommon to hear people speak of the good that has come from a leader even though he or she is toxic. In fact, a friend and I were talking just this morning about Ravi’s giftedness despite his deep wickedness.

There may be at least two reasons for talking about “all the good they did” in these circumstances:

  • The leader may have problems in this area but he has been so effective in other areas. “He is a talented guy, after all.” We just feel we need to point out his good works.
  • Or, someone may pull the sovereignty card.

I have written of the giftedness of toxic leaders before. It can be a distraction to the destruction that is caused by a leader’s abusive management.

Though they may be gifted in exceptional ways, their leadership will, in the end, bring hurt and suffering to the organization; often, destroying beyond repair as has been evident in the Ravi Zacharias ministry.

See this article

The Sovereignty Card

However, there are times when we can see where the wickedness of man has failed to overcome God’s good work. We see God using Pharaoh in the Old Testament to glorify Him as God’s power and majesty is on full display in saving the Israelites from this deeply evil man.

God has used evil over and over in His creation to bring about His good. He even makes this promise to the believer:

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28 (ESV)

We can see where, as a person suffers the wickedness of a toxic leader at home or in the workplace, there are good things that come from it in the believer’s life. The victim may be driven out and end up in a job that is much better. He may grow in his ability to be self-differentiated. And, as certainly was the case for my family, survivors of toxic leadership may become much more empathetic to the pain of others in similar situations. They in turn minister to others in similar situations as Paul says:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (ESV)

Careful With Your Line-Drawing

However, I would suggest we must be careful to draw clear lines from wickedness to the good that comes from it when we have opportunities to counsel a survivor of abusiveness.

Recently, I was reading a book by a popular author. What put an end to my reading his book was a comment about slavery.

He noted that many slaves brought to the United States were purchased from African slave owners. The important lesson he noted was that “thank God [the Africans] sold them to the Westerners and not the Arabs!”

I would imagine he saw that as God’s good sovereignty at work. Though they were slaves, they were “in such a better place.”

I would suggest that is both insensitive and unbiblical to draw that line. The wickedness of slavery deserves no rosie coloring.

But this kind of statement is often made to “encourage” those who are suffering under abuse. “Thank God He is doing this really great work in your life. You would not have enjoyed this blessing had it not been for your wicked step-mother.”

To the victim of abusive leadership it appears to give an excuse for the toxic behavior. It often says to the abuse survivor, “God is doing a good work in you, so you should buck up and put up with the abuse,” though that may not be the intent.

Who Draws Those Lines?

I would suggest we allow those who are suffering to draw those lines.

Like Job’s counselors, we can find ourselves under the displeasing eye of the Lord for drawing those lines from suffering to this or that purpose. In his soon to be released book, “Suffering Wisely and Well” Old Testament Hebrew scholar Eric Ortland notes that where normal sacrifices would include one animal, Job’s friends were required to provide 14. The friends had sought to point Job to all the reasons his suffering was being inflicted by the Lord.

The LORD never provided a “reason” and we should be careful in suggesting one. Even when it might seem clear to us, we may be way off the mark and only heaping condemnation or expectation on the victim that is not ours to give.

So, I would rather suggest:

Pray for them to see God’s sovereignty at work. Pray that the Lord will show His merciful hand in their lives. Pray that the Lord will bring beauty from the ashes as Isaiah prophecies.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes…

Isaiah 61:1-3 (NIV)

It will be part of their healing process. You do not need to draw those lines for those who are suffering. Weep with those who weep. Allow the Lord’s Holy Spirit to bring these things to mind.

All oppressive behavior is a great wickedness in God’s eyes. He makes this clear throughout scripture. He does not give excuse. Nor should we. Especially not to those who are suffering.

Rather point out that they do not deserve the evil treatment they are receiving. The Lord cares deeply for the oppressed (Psalm 9:9).

God’s heart is that we comfort, not draw lines.

Tongues Are Sharp As Swords: Verbal Abuse in the Bible

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My soul is in the midst of lions; I lie down amid fiery beasts— the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords.

Psalm 57:4 (ESV)

Tongues are sharp swords.

Those who suggest emotional or verbal abuse are not really abuse need to consider scripture and psychology. Giving the benefit of the doubt, maybe they just don’t know anyone who has clung onto a job under an authoritarian, mean boss or the wounds a woman has suffered from being beaten down by words, lied to, and demeaned for years upon years.

They think unless there are outward physical marks, it just isn’t abuse.

But the pain inflicted by people’s words are deep. They oppress not just by physical force but by the cutting and stabs of those words.

David suffered anquish from Saul’s abusive words. How Saul was seeking to isolate David. How he went into rages against him. Though there was physical violence as well (trying to kill David), Saul’s lying and hateful words were deeply hurtful as well.

And David acknowledges that in Psalm 57.

“Swords” cut to the core of the person. They are not made to take a mole off cleanly like a scalpel. They tear and rip the body apart. David’s inerrent terminology told us nearly 3000 years ago what psychologists have been saying only in the last century.

But there are actual physical wounds born from verbal abuse. With modern technology, we can take brain scans to map the damage done by verbal abuse.

Harvard scientists recently said, “Our findings raise the possibility that exposure to verbal aggression [abuse] may affect the development of certain vulnerable brain regions in susceptible individuals.” They found that repeated verbal abuse has “as great an effect as physical or nondomestic sexual mistreatment.”

The study concluded,

“Verbal aggression alone turns out to be a particularly strong risk factor for depression, anger-hostility, and dissociation disorders.”

The Harvard Gazette

As you read David’s Psalms that were penned during his conflict with the abuser Saul (King of Israel), you see these signs in his writing. Consider the following [italics are mine]:

Evening and morning and at noon
I utter my complaint and moan,
and he hears my voice.

Psalm 55:17 (ESV)

You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?

Psalm 56:8 (ESV)

And then David names it – verbal abuse:

O God, break the teeth in their mouths;
tear out the fangs of the young lions, O LORD!

Psalm 58:6 (ESV)

David, who would become king of Israel, knew emotional abuse. He certainly knew physical abuse as well. [And, he sexually abused Bathsheba.]

Those who question the validity of calling people, who constantly tear others apart with their words, “abusers,” have either failed to read God’s Word closely enough or have not experienced the debilitating effects of verbal abuse themselves.

Call it what it is…give the victim safety . . . and hold the abuser accountable.

Counterfeit Gods: The Power and the Glory

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“The Power and the Glory” is chapter five and it speaks insightfully to the problem of abusive leadership.

Pastor Keller begins the chapter discussing World War II and the Nazi “love of country” that bread a patriotism that “became demonic and destructive.”

Keller says, “What happened? Idolatry.”

Pearls and Swine is not about our politics. It is about Christian leadership. Though Keller does speak to political leadership in this chapter, in the end he focuses on simply the idolatry that is exhibited in leadership. It can be applied to any position of power and authority and should be.

Keller notes that Reinhold Niebuhr from the mid-twentieth century, wrote eloquantly about man’s desire to be god. Keller said,

“Rather than accept our finitude and dependence on God, we desperately seek ways to assure ourselves that we still have power over our own lives.”

Abusive leadership is about power over our own lives.

I would like, in this short blog, to pick apart one particular statement Keller makes:

“One of the great ironies of sin is that when human beings try to become more than human beings, to be as gods, they fall to become lower than human beings. To be your own god and live for your own glory and power leads to the most bestial and cruel kind of behavior. Pride makes you a predator, not a person.”

Page 121

The context of this statement is a discussion about the prophet Daniel and King Nebuchadnezzar.

The king had fascinating dreams and Daniel, a captive from Israel, was by God’s grace able to interpret his dreams. In Daniel 4, Nebuchadnezzar has had a dream about a tree that grew and “became strong, and its top reached to heaven, and it was visible to the end of the whole earth.”

The king went on to explain,

“a watcher, a holy one, came down from heaven. He proclaimed aloud and said thus: Chop down the tree and lop off its branches, strip off its leaves and scatter its fruit. Let the beasts flee from under it and the birds from its branches…Let his portion be with the beasts in the grass of the earth. Let his mind be changed from a man’s, and let a beast’s mind be given to him; and let seven periods of time pass over him.”

Daniel 4:13-16

Daniel warns Nebuchadnezzar that he is that tree and to “break off your sins by practicing righteousness, and your iniquities by showing mercy to the oppressed, that there may perhaps be a lengthening of your prosperity.”

Show mercy to the oppressed. Do not practice your power by authoritarianism and oppression. Seek the people’s good in the use of your power.

Nebuchadnezzar did not take Daniel’s advice but one year later, he was pridefully walking on the roof of his palace, high above his subjects and his great land, and he says, “Is not this great Babylon, which I have built by my mighty power as a royal residence and for the glory of my majesty?”

It says, while those words were still hanging on the wind, the Lord spoke to Nebuchadnezzar. The king would become like a beast in the field. Eating grass. His kingdom taken from him.

“When human beings try to become more than human beings, to be as gods, they fall to become lower than human beings.“

Entitlement does this.

Those who believe they are the most deserving. The most powerful. The most important.

They become like beasts. And they will act like beasts.

They will create a hell on earth for those over whom they have power.

Idolatry is fundamental to abusive authority. Leaders who consider themselves something rather than dependent on the Lord for everything they have, treat others with disdain and manipulation. They work very hard to retain their kingdom, doing whatever is necessary.

And often that is abusing those the Lord has called them to tenderly care for using the authority He has given them.

Instead, in their entitlement, they look over their vast kingdom and reason it was raised up by them. They will have to keep it in good stead. They will have to crush any dissent. They will have to protect the image of their kingdom.

Pride makes you a predator, not a person.

Headship: Demand it of Yourself

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In the experience of abusive leadership in the home, church, workplace, and government, it is common to hear demands of submission as if the leader has absolute and ultimate authority.

Biblically, it is not true. Don’t be fooled by the blustering.

In his epistle to the Ephesians Paul spoke to husbands and wives, explaining their roles [Ephesians 5:22-33]. In a recent discussion with a friend it was pointed out that the church is keen on preaching “taking headship” in the family, often using this passage.

The curious thing about this passage is that in verse 23, where the word “head” is used for the husband’s role, it is in the indicative. The sentence is a statement of fact. It IS what the husband is in the family.

However, all the statements following, regarding the acting upon this position of the husband, instruct him to love and die like Christ.

Those are imperatives. Those are the commands he must follow. He does not take headship. He is called to live it in love and die like Christ.

But those who are control and power hungry, grab the indicatives in scripture and turn them into battle cries in the home and workplace. “I am the head and you must be loyal and submit.” And all disagreement is understood to be rebellion.

They never look at the responsibilities of leadership. Only at the benefits of good leadership.


  • Abusive leaders don’t look to their own leader, Jesus Christ.


“Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant…”

Philippians 2:5-7 (ESV)

This is what leadership looks like. It is strange that throughout the New Testament you do not read of Jesus demanding submission from His followers. You see Jesus washing their feet like a common household servant would and saying, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.” [John 13:12-15 (ESV)]

Jesus didn’t demand, He served. And His disciples did then indeed submit to him…in their broken and forgiven ways. 

But the one who abuses his authority in the home or workplace fails to look to his own leader, Jesus Christ. 


  • Abusive leaders don’t look at their own imperatives.


What is the responsibility of governing authorities? The Apostle Peter says,

“Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good.”

1 Peter 2:13-14 (ESV)

Most people look to the beginning of that sentence only and do not consider how it ends. But, notice that governing authorities are called to “punish those who do evil and praise those who do good.” That means they are to rule fairly and execute real justice. There are demands on the leaders. 

What are the imperatives for husbands in the home?

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.”

Ephesians 5:25-28 (ESV)

Doesn’t sound much like crushing emotional, spiritual, and physical abuse does it?

Who wouldn’t submit to this kind of genuinely humble and serving leader?

Remember the ultimate leader, Jesus. He went to the cross to serve His people. Is the husband, boss, or government leader willing to go to great discomfort to serve the good of his wife, subordinate, or citizen? Even die or lose their position to serve their constituant’s needs?

Or, is he just interested in power and authority…and the follower’s submission?

Leaders in the home, workplace, and government; submit yourself to your own leader, Jesus! Then follow what He calls you to in your position of authority. He has not called on you to demand servanthood from others.

Only demand it of yourself.

A look at missions in Africa by the Editor of Pearls & Swine Site.

Stories of God’s transforming of one family’s ministry in the furnace of cross-cultural missions. Jeanine Jackson, the former US Ambassador to Malawi said, “What a wonderful book!”

Though They Rage…God is Our Refuge

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Recently, I have been meditating upon and journaling in the Psalms. In particular, I have focused on two Psalms: numbers 44 and 46. Both were written by the Sons of Korah, likely descendents of the Korah of Numbers 16.

The fact that these descendents wrote hymns of praise for the Jews and Christians is a testament to God’s redemptive work. It is their “father” (generations before) that rose up against Moses and Aaron, and likewise against Yahweh, and was judged for his rebellion. Yet, these children of Korah have provided a valuable part of our worship of the Lord through their penning of several Psalms.

Placing these two Psalms in juxtaposition have been helpful to my own meditation in God’s word as I consider abusive leadership in the home and workplace. Psalm 44 is clasified is a cry for mercy and Psalm 46 a Psalm of praise. It is almost as if the Sons of Korah wrote Psalm 44 in depression and, when God brought them out, followed up in the writing of Psalm 46.

I have seen many sufferers of toxic leadership sink into depression and rise from those ashes as they came out of the bondage of that abuse.

Psalm 44 begins with reminders of God’s faithful care of His people. He had driven out the nations. He had ordained salvation for His people. He had put to shame those who hated His people.

But, alas, the psalmists explain, the Lord has now seemingly rejected them.

But you have rejected us and disgraced us
and have not gone out with our armies.
10 You have made us turn back from the foe,
and those who hate us have gotten spoil.
11 You have made us like sheep for slaughter
and have scattered us among the nations.
12 You have sold your people for a trifle,
demanding no high price for them.
13 You have made us the taunt of our neighbors,
the derision and scorn of those around us.

Psalm 44:9-13 (ESV)

Yahweh hasn’t been with them. God’s children have not won the war. They are like a meak and weak lamb that is taken away and slaughtered. They have been exiled to lands not their own. The people are sold for a pittance…they are seemingly worth nothing to the Lord. They are ridiculed and scorned by arrogant abusers that surround them.

Don’t you feel like that sometimes? Why, oh Lord, are you not acting on my behalf? If you love me so tenderly, then why am I in such straits? Why did you lead me into a mission work where I am abused by my leadership? Why did you give me such a horrendous marriage?

The hurt and sorrow can be so overwhelming that we want to “curse God and die” as Job’s wife counseled him to do in the midst of his great agony.

Job 2:9

There is no resolution to this lament in Psalm 44. It ends with a cry for mercy from the Lord. Save us, oh Lord! Redeem us – buy us back from our suffering.

Songs like Psalm 44 are sweet parts of our Bible. They are truthful, down-to-earth, emotional expressions of God’s children. We can sing them and be right there with the authors. We can commune with our fellow travelers on our spiritual journeys in a broken world full of sinful, arrogant, and hurtful people.

Psalm 46 is the answer. It is the glory from the ashes. It is the emotional healing of the Psalmist.

There the Sons of Korah proclaim,

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

Psalms 46:1-3 (ESV)

Though all this suffering has been my lot, God is my refuge. He is my help. Though trouble is all around me. Though my enemies, in the form of bosses, managers, husbands, or even former friends, circle around, creating havoc in my life and deep, lasting pain, “The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”

It is interesting that those who have chosen to work specifically in the area of abuse healing (having been targets of abuse) often step into more of these traumatic experiences as they do battle with those who do not understand the dynamics or Biblical response to abuse. A skin thickened by developing Biblical barriers to these attacks is imperative.

Wading into the depths of these Psalms can be both the healing balm and helpful aid to building boundaries that protect our integrity from those who war against a Biblical understanding of abuse.

God is our refuge! We need not fear even if everything goes to pot. Though our lives crumble around us as the waves crash against our weak human defenses, the Lord is our very present help when in those troubled times. He is very present, not just on duty now and then. He is continually giving refuge to the oppressed and strength to the wounded.

Humility, Like Oil On the Head

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We are all dependent. We long for satisfaction. We long for respect and love and relationship.

The “Sons of Korah” wrote Psalm 42 expressing the deep longing so many of us have. As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. The entire Psalm is an expression of dependency.

A good kind of dependency.

Not a dependency that results in suffering, pain, or rejection. But a dependency that will result in satisfaction and ultimate salvation. Where we might so often depend on a business leader, political leader, husband, wife, or friend, Psalm 42 points to a reliance on God we have and should have.

Real dependence on God results in salvation and praise. Its outcome is joy. Not sorrow or fear.

But dependence on self or other men result in broken promises and greater distrust. Though I depend upon my wife as my best friend, there are times when I drive her crazy with my clinging. That is as it should be. Only God can handle my dependency. In fact, He made me that way and from my very first parents in the Garden of Eden, He expected his created beings to depend on Him alone.

And He never wearies of it.

Dependence on God = Humility

Dependency on Christ has a real fringe benefit.

When our dependency is on Christ and not other people, we can also then be humble and responsive to critique. If we are dependent on their approval we become overly sensitive and either maddened by criticism or deeply hurt.

The humble man is likely to be saddened but changed. The arrogant is likely to be maddened and strike back.

Psalm 141:5 says,

Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness;
let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head;
let my head not refuse it.

David was a humble man. You can almost see his heart saying, “I hate this rebuke,” but he is working very hard to recognize it as the gift it is.

Leaders need this kind of heart. They need to see the criticism they receive as “kindness.” It is like “oil” for their head. Barnes Notes on the Bible says the rebuke “should be received as readily as that which contributed most to comely adorning and comfort.” This is how those of David’s time would understand oil being poured out on the head of an important person in a festival celebration.

Oil was healing. It was to be received with joy and as a gift.

Do You Hear Criticism?

How often do leaders hear and receive criticism? This is the hallmark of godly leadership because it is based on godly humility.

Collaboration is a way of working with colleagues that is characterized by cooperation, mutual respect, and shared goals. It involves sharing information, coordinating actions, discussing what’s working and what’s not, and perpetually seeking input and feedback.1

Amy Edmondson

Notice what Edmondson says? A team (collaboration) is always “discussing what’s working and what’s not.” They are always seeking “input and feedback.”

An autocratic, arrogant leader may be effective for a time. But he will fail in time because more heads are better than one. The leader that is dependent on his subordinates to make him feel good, smart, clever, and powerful is never a team player and will not build a ministry or product that seeks God’s glory.

But a leader who looks for and receives differing views as oil on his head will build a lasting legacy.

Do you serve under an autocrat or abusive leader? This lack of humility is a common sign that they are. And, it is unlikely they will ever provide a good and godly workplace.

It may be time to move on.

Are you unable to hear criticism? Do you find that you consistently say they are wrong or project the wrong on those who criticize. Do you seek ways to discredit your critic?

It’s time you get help.

Stories in African Mission

“My family of six arrived in Malawi, Africa in August of 2003 to a wonderfully hospitable group of fellow missionaries. I was not really prepared for what awaited us. Our family had not done any significant homework on Malawian life but were nonetheless excited to get started with it.“

What a wonderful book!  You have beautifully combined storytelling of your and your family’s journey and experiences with scripture, spiritual experiences, music, and observations of Malawian and Western cultures. It is a great reference for anyone working and living in Malawi or those who support programs in Malawi.

Jeanine Jackson
Former United States Ambassador to Malawi
State Department Leadership Consultant

As I read at times, I felt I was reading the travel log of a missionary tourist, the insights of a musical theorist, the confessions of a cultural imperialist, the wisdom of a cross-cultural missiologist, and the reflections of journalist investigating a mystery cult. [Dehnert] presents a childlike wonder as he speaks about strange and stranger things in a strange and beautiful land. It was great how he expressed his fears, weaknesses, and misconceptions as part of the path to a gradual awakening. Dehnert didn’t go to Malawi with an agenda and he loves people; I think that enabled him to learn so much. In the end the book comes across like a fun travel documentary with some sage-like wisdom thrown in.

Rev. Jay Stoms  
Missionary with National Christian Foundation
Stellenbosch, South Africa

NOTES:

1Edmondson, Amy C. (2012-03-16). Teaming: How Organizations Learn, Innovate, and Compete in the Knowledge Economy (Kindle Locations 1078-1080). Wiley. Kindle Edition.

Wild Grapes: God’s Judgment on Power & Oppression

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People were created to love God and neighbor. They were created to care for and keep the world [Genesis 2:15]. To create flourishing.

They were not created to sow power and reap abuse.

Imagine for a moment that you have purchased a vineyard. You tenderly care for the vines, providing ample water each week, making sure it goes a foot deep into the rich soil. You daily walk through the rows pulling weeds and watching for nasty pests. You fertilize it and prune it yearly to remove all growth except new 1-year-old fruiting canes and renewal spurs.

But then, you discover the grapes are smaller and less sweet than you had expected. They are more prone to disease. They are “wild” grapes.

You did everything to care for the vineyard but the grapes have gone their own way.

God’s Wild Grapes

Apparently, in Isaiah’s time, God’s people had done the same.

God, the one true God, who created all things, is perfectly just and righteous. He is loving in all His ways. He is extraordinarily merciful to a broken people. Despite seeing His love and care, watering and pruning in the lives of His people, they have been more interested in joining “house to house” and adding “field to field” as the prophet Isaiah said of the wild grapes [Isaiah 5:1-10].

The picture Isaiah paints is of a greedy and oppressive people who are more concerned about their wealth than the care of their fellow man. If you ever wanted to know where our anti-monopoly laws come from, you need look no further than Isaiah’s prophetic witness.

However, this picture does not stop with monopolies. Isaiah is presenting a broader principle that cuts to heart of American Christian culture: power and oppression. We are a deeply broken people in the West where fame, fortune, and building at all costs rules so many of our decisions and is used as a means to oppress rather than bless. Consider how we protest a corporation who operates in a way we think is morally repugnant. We boycott. We shoot for the pocketbook. We know money makes the world go ’round.

Because we know that to get to the heart, you go to the bank.

Because people are more concerned about power and comforts than anything else. As long as the stock market is doing well . . . we are doing well. As long as the church’s image is larger than life . . . we are doing well.

The ends justify the means.

But God says there will be a reckoning. Isaiah goes on to say,

The LORD of hosts has sworn in my hearing:
“Surely many houses shall be desolate,
large and beautiful houses, without inhabitant.
For ten acres of vineyard shall yield but one bath,
and a homer of seed shall yield but an ephah.”

Isaiah 5:9-10

God told Israel (and Judah) He would take away the very thing they were so driven to attain: wealth and power. All those houses they built for themselves, after taking everyone else’s land, will end up empty. The land they invested in, taking it from all the “little guys,” would produce very little fruit.

The oppression they practiced would come back on them. 

and Toxic Leadership?

It is in the context of grabbing after wealth and power that the toxic leader rises up and survives in our power and image-driven world. If the expectations of followers is that there be much cake, then the leader is driven by such demands. If a leader shows an accute ability to build the image of the church, the members greedily hang on his every word.

It does not matter if he is a liar or a sexual predator, or any other kind of toxic personality. If he creates something we can take pride in or supports our priority projects, we are good to go and will support him.

And I am not talking about the government or secular workplace. This is the church.

But if God’s people expect love and care for all of God’s creation, there is more likely to be a use of our resources for care and concern by those in leadership. There is more likely to be a use of power for care and concern. If Christian organizations hold leaders accountable, power becomes the means by which those organizations and churches take care of people. And that power is held very loosely remembering that the first will be last.

Money, social presence, and power are only tools. And they are not to be tools used for an individual’s pathological self-love.

Not at all.

Zero.

and he looked for justice,
but behold, bloodshed;
for righteousness,
but behold, an outcry!

Isaiah 5:7

We all need to evaluate what we look for in leaders and those of us who are leaders, consider the cost of self-love.

Only the humility found in the Gospel can save us.