Concupiscence. Wow, that’s a big word, eh?

In the American church we have a determined focus on desires for wrongful sex, but James—the writer of the book by that name in the New Testament—has a distinctively different focus: broken relationships. He zeros in on fights of which there are many between a toxic leader and his/her subordinates.

James uses the word ἐπιθυμία (epithymia) in chapter one of his letter to the church. It means “a longing (especially for what is forbidden): — concupiscence, desire, lust (after).”¹

James is noting that we have innate desires that come from the fall of man into sin. We are born with these desires. And it is those desires that tempt us to act in sinful ways—to turn away from God and pursue those wrongful desires.

What you may find interesting is that James only once mentions sexual sin (James 2:11) where he explains that keeping your nose clean in one area of sin, but not another, does not make a person righteous. His example is in refusing to commit adultery while murdering someone—which in Jesus’ words is the same as being unjustifiably angry at someone (Matthew 5:22).

But falling in one point, he says, is tantamount to falling in all points.

But that is it for sexual sin in James’ writing. James’ focus is on relationships and particularly what comes out of our mouths. Why do the words of the toxic leader tear down and destroy?

Desires

James says:

But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. ¹⁵ Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. (James 1:14-15)

We would understand these “desires” to be lusts after power, wealth, sex, and all kinds of things that take the place of God in our lives—in essence, idols.

From this statement early in his letter to the churches, James builds a understanding of the evils we have been writing about in this series of blogs. He makes clear that indeed, they must be fought—by the Holy Spirit—in our lives and that those desires are deep within us.

So, later in chapter four, James writes,

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? ² You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.

In James 4:1 he speaks generally of “disputes” and “controversy” among God’s people. And gives the reason why they erupt: you desire and do not have. This applies to all of us, but this blog is about toxic leadership.

Adoration, Control and Self-Satisfaction

So, what does a toxic leader desire and not get?

Though we cannot know the heart of another person, by their behavior it appears that the toxic leader desires adoration, control, and/or self-satisfaction.

And the toxic leader believes he/she is entitled to these things.

It is not that he needs to gain the respect of others through godly behavior and genuine love for others; it is that he is entitled to these self-centered pleasures by his very nature. Rather than behaving in kind and respectful ways to his subordinates with the desire to gain these self-serving “needs”, the toxic leader often authoritatively controls them, often with harsh words and threats.

The toxic leader thinks this is the sure way of receiving adoration, control, and self-satisfaction.

Threats and Isolation

Those threats can take the form of firings or isolation (among other things). The threat of the loss of job is easily identified. The threat may be direct or implied.

However, isolation can be much more hidden.

As Padilla notes,

“Destructive leaders describe dissidents and rivals in terms designed to devalue and isolate them while promoting in-group solidarity—e.g., Hitler’s portrayal of Jews as unsanitary (Epstein, 2002) or Castro’s description of dissidents as immoral.” ²

Here are some possible actions by toxic leaders to isolate subordinates who don’t fall in line.

• The leader may make clear through veiled threats to others that if fellow workers back up the target of his abuse, they will face the same ostracization the target has. The leader may mock them or make them seem “toxic” to their peers.
• The leader may give the more important projects to others, leaving the target out in the cold.
• The leader may socialize with others while obviously leaving targets off his social calendar.
• The leader may refuse to introduce his target to important colleagues, managers, or clients.
• The leader may keep the target “out of the loop.” He may do so by neglecting to include them in key meetings, emails, or conference calls. ³

James goes on in verse two to plead with those who are fighting and quarreling because they don’t get what they want:

You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

He begins by simply suggesting, “Just ask for it!” But that is not all.

Motives

Why do you want these things? James challenges, “[B]ecause you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.”

James say your motives stink.

The toxic leader has unrequited desires and it is because he/she is wrong in desiring them. He wants to be the center. He wants to be glorified. He wants to have while others do not.

This brings to mind the story of Narcissus—the namesake of the Narcissistic personality disorder—who saw his reflection in the water, fell in love with himself, yet was unable to receive any love in return from the reflection.

So, in verse nine James says,

Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

Humble yourself, toxic leader.

Mourn and weep. Fall to your knees before the Lord.

Unfortunately, this is just too much for most toxic leaders. Though I have read one toxic leader’s own account of turning from his abusive leadership,⁴ it is a rare thing for these leaders to humble themselves, recognizing their destructive leadership.

But we continue to call leaders, including ourselves, to a heart that seeks to serve subordinates and not ourselves. To mourn and weep when we hurt and isolate others under our care. To turn away from those innate desires that wage a war against good leadership.

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NOTES

1. Strong’s Concordance. ↩︎
2. Padilla, Art, Robert Hogan, and Robert B. Kaiser. “The Toxic Triangle: Destructive Leaders, Susceptible Followers, and Conducive Environments.” The Leadership Quarterly 18 (June 2007): 176–94. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.leaqua.2007.03.001, p. 181.
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3. Fontes Ph.D., Lisa Aronson. “Workplace Coercive Control: More than a ‘Bad Boss’ | Psychology Today.” Psychology Today, August 11, 2019. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-chains/201908/workplace-coercive-control-more-than-a-bad-boss.
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4. Freytag, Bob (2025), ‘My Journey from Toxic Leadership to Servant Leadership’, Blanchard, 20 January, https://resources.blanchard.com/blanchard-leaderchat/my-journey-from-toxic-leadership-to-servant-leadership, accessed 23 Oct. 2025.
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