On this page I will periodically add book recommendations and links to helpful articles. If you have read something that was particularly healing, let me know. I would like to share it. Just so you know, most of the links to Amazon send commissions to Pearls & Swine Site when you purchase (using the link). Buying a book through those links does not add to your cost and helps support this website. In addition, some of these resources come from a Christian perspective and some do not—I do not always make note.
WEBSITES
LUNDY BANCROFT
Lundy Bancroft is well-known for his work in the area of domestic violence. His 30 years of study and counseling abusive men has provided incredible help and healing for women in particular. He has spent the last several years focusing on building community understanding for abuse in the legal and child protection systems. He does not come from a Christian perspective.
CALLED TO PEACE MINISTRIES
Called to Peace Ministries exists to provide a compassionate, comprehensive, and Christ-centered response to those impacted by domestic abuse. Support groups, training for churches, counselors, and help for families and friends trying to support survivors.
CLERGY SEXUAL MISCONDUCT
Clergy Sexual Misconduct provides info & resources to those affected by clergy sexual misconduct (CSM) & ministries desiring to be a safe place. CSM is an abuse of power and authority, not an “affair,” as it cannot be considered mutual consent due to the unequal power dynamics.
A new publication is being rolled out that is free to subscribers: CSM Research Insights
DOCUMENT THE ABUSE
Empowers victims to tell their story through the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit. Born out of the Stacy Peterson case, the E.A.A. was created to insure that the victim’s words about her fears and previous violence will not disappear if she does.
JOURNEY TO HEALING MINISTRIES
We endeavor to help survivors heal from past sexual trauma by leading them to hope in Jesus Christ, through support, education, and community.
DR. DIANE LANGBERG
Dr. Diane Langberg is a practicing psychologist whose clinical expertise includes 35 years of working with trauma survivors and clergy. She speaks internationally on topics related to women, trauma, ministry and the Christian life.
LEADERSHIP FORCES
The word Leadership is like the word Religion. It means so many different things to people that it has become meaningless. How can you invest in Leadership Development company without a clear definition of what it is? Our Leadership Philosophy is based on nine principles [go to website to see these principles]. It is our definition designed to help clarify what good leaders look like – the Leaders we develop.
PCA STUDY COMMITTEE ON DOMESTIC ABUSE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT
The Presbyterian Church in America established a Study Committee on abuse in 2019. Their report is a resource for churches who wish to understand abuse and respond with help and healing. Their website includes the report (200+ pages), a resources page of websites and books, and a video of their presentation at the General Assembly of the denomination in 2022.
WEBSITE
SPIRITUAL ABUSE RESOURCES
This site’s primary mission is to help people who have been spiritually abused. The site also provides resources and training for individuals and organizations, such as churches, whom the spiritual abused may call upon for assistance. Although spiritual abuse occurs in all religious traditions, most people seeking information or assistance related to spiritual abuse come out of groups or situations that are at least ostensibly Christian. Therefore, many of this site’s resources have a Christian flavor
DARBY STRICKLAND
For years, biblical counselor Darby Strickland has served women in oppressive marriages. She says, ” I am a Christian Counselor who works with individuals, families, and couples facing a variety of issues. I received my Masters of Divinity from Westminster Theological Seminary, where I met my husband, John. I teach Counseling Abusive Marriages for the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation.” Darby has a real heart for survivors and has written a number of very valuable resources – listed below.
LESLIE VERNICK
At Leslie Vernick, we understand that being in a family structure or marriage that is destructive and unhealthy is one of the most challenging situations we face on this side of heaven. But we’ve walked with thousands of women in similar situations and we’re here to provide the support you need to gain insight, to grow personally, and to recognize and understand the destructive cycles in your marriage.
MANFRED KETS DE VRIES
Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries brings a different view to the much-studied subjects of leadership and the dynamics of individual and organizational change. Bringing to bear his knowledge and experience of economics (Econ. Drs., University of Amsterdam), management (ITP, M.B.A., and D.B.A., Harvard Business School), and psychoanalysis (Canadian Psychoanalytic Society and the International Psychoanalytic Association), he scrutinizes the interface between international management, psychoanalysis, psychotherapy, and dynamic psychiatry. His specific areas of interest are leadership development, top executive team building, organizational change and cross-cultural management.
DR. PAUL WHITE
Dr. Paul White, author of Rising Above a Toxic Workplace (listed below) provides practical resources to help people across the world build healthy work relationships. Dr. White has many resources helpful to workplace functioning coming from a biblical perspective.
BOOKS & ARTICLES
“20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You.” By Arabi, Shahida. Thought Catalog, June 30, 2016. [Go to Website]
Aftershock: What to Do When Leaders (and others) Fail You by Ted Kitchens. [Get on Amazon]
The Allure of Toxic Leaders: Why We Follow Destructive Bosses and Corrupt Politicians–and How We Can Survive Them by Lipman-Blumen, Jean. Oxford University Press, 2004. [Get on Amazon]
The Anxiety Cure by Archibald Hart. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2001. [Get on Amazon]
Behind the Masks: Personality Disorders in Religious Behavior by Wayne Oates [Get on Amazon]
Behind the Veil: Exposing the Evil of Domestic Oppression and Providing Hope by Warren G. Lamb. [Kindle or Paperback]
The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships by Patrick Carnes Ph.D. [Paperback]
BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns by Bill Eddy. Second edition. Scottsdale, Arizona: Unhooked Books, 2014. [Paperback or Kindle]
Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife: My Story of Finding Hope after Domestic Abuse by Ruth A. Tucker. [Kindle or Paperback]
Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled by Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Birrell. 1st Edition. Hoboken, N.J: Wiley, 2013. [Get on Amazon]
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk MD. 1st ed. New York: Penguin Books, 2014. [Get on Amazon]
Bold Love by Dan Allender [Get on Amazon]
Broken Trust: a practical guide to identify and recover from toxic faith, toxic church, and spiritual abuse by F. Remy Diederich. Independently published, September 14, 2017. [Get on Amazon]
The Bully at Work: What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job by Gary Namie and Ruth Namie. 2nd ed. Naperville, IL: Sourcebooks, 2009. [Get on Amazon]
Bullying in the Workplace: Causes, Symptoms, and Remedies by John Lipinski and Laura M. Crothers, eds. New York: Routledge, 2013. [Get on Amazon]
Bully Pulpit : Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church by Michael J. Kruger. Zondervan: Grand Rapids, Mich., 2022. [Get on Amazon Kindle and Hardback]
“Capstone 2-8: Conclusions: Lessons to Learn from the Meltdown of Mars Hill.” Futuristguy, January 8, 2015. [See Website]
Character Assassins: Dealing with Ecclesiastical Tyrants and Terrorists by Peter Hammond and Brian Abshire. [Get on Amazon]
Character Disturbance: The Phenomenon of Our Age by George Simon [Get on Amazon]
A Church Called Tov: Forming a Goodness Culture That Resists Abuses of Power and Promotes Healing by Scot McKnight, Laura Barringer, and Tish Harrison Warren. Carol Stream, Illinois: Tyndale Momentum, 2020. [Get on Amazon]
Churches That Abuse by Ronald M. Enroth. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1993. [Get on Amazon]
Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life (Interpersonal Violence) by Evan Stark. [Kindle or Paperback]
“Corporate Psychopaths, Bullying and Unfair Supervision in the Workplace” by Clive R. Boddy, Journal of Business Ethics 100, no. 3 (May 2011): 367–79.
Counseling Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Diane Mandt Langberg, Ph. D.. Wheaton, Ill: Tyndale House Publishers, 1997. [Get on Amazon] [Paperback]
Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible: The Social and Literary Context by David Instone-Brewer. [Kindle or Paperback]
Domestic Abuse: Recognize, Respond, Rescue by Darby Strickland. Phillipsburg, New Jersey: P & R Publishing, 2018. [Get on Amazon][Paperback]
Domestic Abuse: Help for the Sufferer by Darby Strickland. P&R Publishing, 2018. [Get on Amazon][Paperback]
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel. 1st edition. Wiley, 2007. [Get on Amazon]
Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse: Creating Healthy Christian Cultures by Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys. SPCK, 2019. [Get on Amazon]
Go Forth & Die: Leadership in God’s Kingdom (Bible Studies) by Dr. Kelly H. Dehnert. HD Books|Music, 2024. [Get Kindle or Paperback Leader’s Guide] [Get Kindle or Paperback Student Workbook]
In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George K Simon, Ph.D. 2nd ed. Little Rock, AR: Parkhurst Brothers Publishers Inc, 2010. [Get on Amazon]
In the House of Friends: Understanding and Healing from Spiritual Abuse in Christian Churches by Kenneth J. Garrett and Michael Langone. Wipf & Stock, 2020. [Get on Amazon]
Is It Abuse?: A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and Helping Victims by Strickland, Darby. Phillipsburg, New Jersey: P & R Publishing, 2020. [Get on Amazon]
Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change by Paul David Tripp. Illustrated edition. Phillipsburg, N.J: P & R Publishing, 2002. [Get on Amazon]
The Leader on the Couch: A Clinical Approach to Changing People and Organizations by Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries. 1st edition. Wiley, 2009. [Get on Amazon]
“The Many Faces of Narcissism in the Church.” Vrbicek, Interview by Benjamin. ChristianityToday.com. [See Website]
Mean Men: The Perversion of America’s Self-Made Man by Mark Lipton. Voussoir Press, 2017. [Get on Amazon]
The Neurotic Organization: Diagnosing and Changing Counterproductive Styles of Management by Manfred Kets de Vries and Danny Miller. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1984. [Get on Amazon]
“Narcissism And The System It Breeds” by Diane Langberg. Lecture, ELF Christian Counsellors Network, June 2, 2015. [Listen on Soundcloud]
Narcissism in the Church: A Heart of Stone in Christian Relationships by David Orrison, PhD.. Independently published, January 10, 2019. [Get on Amazon]
The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t by Robert I. Sutton. New York: Business Plus, 2007. [Get on Amazon]
Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion by Barbara Roberts. Ballarat, Vic., Australia: Maschil Press, 2008. [Get on Amazon]
Playing God: Redeeming the Gift of Power by Andy Crouch. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 2013. [Get on Amazon]
Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church by Diane Langberg. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Brazos Pr, 2020. [Get on Amazon]
Rising Above a Toxic Workplace: Taking Care of Yourself in an Unhealthy Environment by Gary Chapman, Paul E. White, and Harold Myra. Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 2014. [Get on Amazon]
“The Seven Habits of Spectacularly Unsuccessful Executives” by Eric Jackson. Forbes. [Go to Website]
Shame Interrupted: How God Lifts the Pain of Worthlessness and Rejection by Edward T. Welch. Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2012. [Kindle or Paperback]
Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing If Your Relationship Can–and Should–Be Saved by By Lundy Bancroft and J. A. C. Patrissi. 1st edition. New York: Berkley, 2011. [Get on Amazon]
Something’s Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse–and Freeing Yourself from Its Power by Wade Mullen and Diane Mandt Langberg. Tyndale Momentum, 2020. [Get on Amazon]
Soul Repair: Rebuilding Your Spiritual Life by Jeff VanVonderen, Dale Ryan, and Juanita Ryan. 1st edition. Downers Grove, Ill: IVP Books, 2008. [Get on Amazon]
The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Authority within the Church by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen, African Ecclesial Review 35, no. 5 (October 1993) [Get on Amazon]
Suffering and the Heart of God by Diana Langberg [Get on Amazon]
Toxic Organizations – Welcome to the Fire of an Unhealthy Workplace by R. Bacal [Go to Website]
Toxic Workplace!: Managing Toxic Personalities and Their Systems of Power by Mitchell Kusy and Elizabeth Holloway. Jossey-Bass Publishers. [Get on Amazon]
Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence–From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror, by Judith Lewis Herman (Basic Books, 2015). [Get on Amazon]
Twisted Scriptures: Breaking Free from Churches That Abuse by Mary Alice Chrnalogar. Revised. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2010. [Get on Amazon]
Unholy Charade: Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church by Jeff Crippen and Rebecca Davis. Justice Keepers Publishing, 2015. [Get on Amazon]
The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Expanded Third Edition: How to Recognize It and How to Respond by Patricia Evans. 3rd ed. Avon, MA: Adams Media. [Get on Amazon]
Violence Among Us: Ministry to Families in Crisis by Branson, Brenda, and Paula J. Silva. Valley Forge, PA: Judson Press, 2007. [Get on Amazon]
Violent No More: Helping Men End Domestic Abuse, Third Ed. by Michael Paymar and Anne Ganley, Hunter House, 2015. [Get on Amazon]
When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse by Chuck DeGroat and Richard J. Mouw. Downers Grove, Illinois: IVP, 2020. [Get on Amazon]
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft [Get on Amazon]
The Workplace Bullying Institute [Go to Website]
The Wounded Minister: Healing from and Preventing Personal Attacks by Guy Greenfield [Get on Amazon]
Such great resources you listed. Such an important topic… especially regarding toxic leadership in the church. I have seen it too many times… Bottom line, if a leader is not humble and is not focused on kingdom purposes as opposed to his own self-glory… buckle up , buttercup, it is going to be a rough road